COACHING
These 4 Simple Rules Are Enough to Get You Started as a Coach
You don’t need to go to a coaching school
What do you think is the most popular sport in the world? With more than 3 billion viewers for the World Cup, soccer wins the prize, far ahead of the American Superbowl and the Tour de France.
One of the main reasons is the simplicity of the rules. There are essentially 4 basic rules:
- You can only use your feet to move the ball
- You can pass the ball to other players
- You mark one point by kicking the ball inside the goal
- Whoever scores the most points wins
Of course, purists will say these rules are incomplete. But with these 4 simple rules, a 7-year-old child will have as much fun as an experienced player, maybe even more!
Your first steps in the coaching arena
Coaching, by comparison, seems much more complex. Surrounded by obscure jargon, it is generally difficult to approach. Take for example the word “maieutics” or “congruence”, 2 pillars of coaching. Even if you looked up their definition on Wikipedia, it wouldn’t get you very far, because you would be redirected to other obscure notions of modern psychology.
We also know that the best coaches are people who have a certain maturity. The coach must recognize problematic thinking patterns within the coachee, like limiting beliefs, cognitive biases, and tunnel vision. To be able to do this, the coach must have been exposed to enough adversity in their life.
Lastly, there’s a large diversity of coaching approaches. For example: Systemic coaching, Behavioral coaching, Analytic coaching, Cognitive coaching, Holistic coaching, … It’s so confusing that you will get lost even if you are motivated to learn how to coach!
Despite all these points, you do not need to go to a coaching school to get started. Even better: the basics of coaching can be explained in simple and accessible words. And by the end of this article, you will be able to start practicing coaching with those around you.
But let’s start at the beginning.
What is the purpose of coaching?
The word is derived from Old French “coche”, which was a kind of cart. If we had to define coaching in one sentence, it would be: “accompanying the coachee from point A to point B”.
As you can see, it’s a fairly simple concept. Except that the word “accompaniment” conceals a subtlety. Yes, coaching’s aim is to take the coachee from point A to point B. But you have to do it WITHOUT prompting the solutions to your coachee.
In short, you are not the one in the driver’s seat to reach the destination, but it is the coachee himself who is in charge. And this is where the puzzle begins. How to make the coachee progress without giving instructions?
4 simple rules
Well, I have good news for you: this puzzle gets solved naturally by practicing a few simple rules.
Here are these rules:
- Listen: patiently follow the coachee’s train of thought. Not only through verbal language but also through non-verbal language. Give them space by refraining from interrupting them. Leave silences if the person is still pensive.
- Reformulate: paraphrase or summarize the coachee’s thoughts to help them think as if you were a mirror. Confirm that you understood what was said. Share your observations as clearly as possible without judging what was said.
- Questioning: ask open-ended questions so that the coachee develops and deepens their thoughts. Highlight their emotions. What are they trying to accomplish? Help them to verbalize the different options available to them, and to make their choice. In a word: help them “give birth” to their ideas, as we say in maieutics.
- Support: take an interest in the person more than in their results. Be there in times of joy and sadness. Put the coachee at ease by looking at their weaknesses in a positive and benevolent way, what is called the “unconditional positive regard”.
The road awaiting you
As you can see, these 4 rules are very simple, and they will get you started in no time.
But make no mistake. In practice, they are hard to master. The reason is that they are counter-intuitive:
- When listening to another person’s problems, we typically prefer to interrupt and talk about ourselves than wait for them to finish (“Oh! This makes me think about when I …”).
- Instead of asking questions to make the person find their own solutions, we typically prefer to give advice.
- Instead of rephrasing the stated problems, we typically prefer to change the subject.
- Instead of supporting unconditionally, we typically prefer to say that it is good or it is bad.
That’s why it will take you many hours of practice to master the technique. But the challenge is worth the efforts. It turns out that most people love to talk about their struggles and rarely find a sympathetic, understanding person to comfort them.
With these 4 rules alone, you will already be able to help them overcome their obstacles. And you’ll have taken your first steps into the coaching arena with just a few simple rules.
You can then think of a kid named Pelé, who one day entered the arena of soccer at the ripe age of 7, simply by kicking a ball, his eyes filled with happiness!
On February 1st, 2022, I’ve embarked on a 100 days writing challenge. This is post number 63.
