
These 13 Phrases Are The Key To His Heart
Yes, we really are *that* simple.
When I started writing more than a decade ago, my goal was to help men be and do better in their relationships. To give them the tools and mindsets they needed to make the woman in their life feel valued, respected, and appreciated.
As a result, hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of my articles have been centered around what women want, what women need, and how men can show up for their loved ones in healthier and more loving ways.
Raising the collective happiness of the world’s relationships is, after all, at the core of my mission.
(I give these disclaimers at times so we don’t flood the comment section with “James, what about women?” comments, since 90% of my writing over the years has been about women in the first place).
While deeply ingrained in my writing, speaking, and coaching (even a decade later), the truth also remains that affection and communication in a relationship needs to be mutual.
Discussion around men’s emotional needs in relationships seems to be often overlooked, or taboo, or just generally ignored. Maybe men don’t want to seem needy, or like they need anything at all.
The result of not expressing your needs, though, is that they never get met.
Then, regardless of how kind or easy going a man is, if he doesn’t feel loved, respected, and valued in a relationship — he will begin to slowly pull away from you. Why would he continue dedicating effort where it doesn’t feel appreciated?
If men won’t express what they want (need) to hear from you, I’ll do it for them:
1: “I trust you.”
Every relationship is built on a foundation of trust. You cannot love, respect, open up to, or build a life with someone that you don’t trust.
With all of the negativity floating around in the world today, it is much easier to keep ourselves guarded and remain skeptical, or even cynical. It may seem like you’re avoiding pain that way…
The truth is, though, that if a man does not feel trusted he will constantly feel insecure in the relationship. He will feel that you will be suspicious of everything he does or says, and that you will not fully open up to him about how you feel.
Obviously, this is assuming that he’s not given you a reason to distrust him. He needs to earn your trust, and then he needs to maintain it.
But once he does, though, it’s important for him to know it.
2: “You can trust me.”
Needless to say, trust goes both ways in a relationship. Both people need to fully have it in each other, and also consistently show their partner they can be trusted. Words of assurance, though, are always a good start to put someone at ease (assuming your actions back them up).
3: “I respect you.”
I once wrote an article about needs men have in a relationship, and a reader pointed out that I’d failed to mention respect.
It’s true — As men, one of the things we value most is being respected. We want to be respected by our friends, by our colleagues, by our family, and definitely by our significant other.
As important as respect is outside of a relationship, it also pairs up with trust as the cornerstone of love. Without these aspects, true love cannot exist.
When you both respect each other in a relationship, it means you respect their viewpoints, opinions, and insight. You cannot build a foundation, nor a life, with someone who you do not fully respect.
Let’s make sure we’re all on the same page with the importance of mutual respect here, and what it really means…
There is a strange misconception in society where the suggestion of “respecting” someone somehow hints at subordination. As if the person being respected should be in a position of authority, and the person doing the respecting should be “below them.”
Uh, no.
Respect in a relationship is about equality. It’s about being proud of the person you’ve chosen to be with, and grateful that they’ve chosen to be with you, too.
Respect must be given in equal measure to, and by, both partners in a relationship. If there’s an imbalance or some skewed perception of a hierarchy, the ground will eventually become too shaky to stand on.
4: “I’m proud of you.”
Good men (emphasis on good) strive to do right by their partner, friends, and family. They seek to provide and protect whenever they are able, and oftentimes make many sacrifices in order to do so.
Depending on a man’s social circles, he may not always receive positive reinforcement for his efforts. Men can be competitive (often to their own detriment), and forget that there is room for everyone to shine.
When that competition overshadows collaboration, there’s nobody left (but ourselves) to give a pat on the back.
Hearing that the woman in our life is proud of our efforts, endeavors, and accomplishments — helps to make it all worthwhile.
He should be your biggest cheerleader, so naturally he hopes that you’ll be his, as well.
5: “I love how you make me feel.”
Men take great pride in satisfying the woman they love — emotionally and physically. We are willing to listen, learn, and take direction to be the best partner we can for you.
Let me emphasize — emotionally and physically. Not just physically.
Knowing that we are doing something right is a confidence booster and will keep us eager to make you feel that way again. And again. And again…
Think about it — if he thinks he’s missing the mark or is unsure of whether his efforts are paying off, he’ll be less likely to keep doing something that actually might be working.
If the man in your life knows that his efforts are making an impact, he’ll be more inclined to keep them up. If not, he may think they’re going to waste, or misguided.
Either way, feedback is important to us. That’s how we learn and grow.
6: “Thank you.”
Whether it is something small like picking up something small at the store that reminded him of you, taking you to dinner, or making your coffee in the morning — these two small words go a long way.
True kindness is never given for the sake of a reward, but gratitude is the fuel that keeps the tank of kindness full.
7: “I am grateful for you.”
This goes beyond “thank you”, because you’re not just showing gratitude for what he does, but for who he is.
Appreciating someone for the person that they are is a different level than appreciating things that they do for you.
He should do things to make your life easier without you having to ask. He should be kind, caring, respectful, and honest. He should be working to improve himself on a daily basis, live a full life and be a loving partner.
That doesn’t mean, however, those things should be going unnoticed or unrecognized.
If he doesn’t feel like you appreciate the man he’s worked to become, he will feel alone, confused, and discouraged.
8: “You look handsome [or whatever your compliment of choice].”
A good man should always be reminding his woman how beautiful he thinks she is (as well as complimenting her non-physical traits of course), but it is also a great feeling for a man to be told he is handsome by someone he cares about.
For those of us who do put effort into our appearance and don’t just toss on a t-shirt and jeans to go out to dinner, it is appreciated when our efforts are noticed.
You are the one woman he is working to impress, and if he knows he’s succeeded, you’ll see him walk a little taller for the rest of the day.
9: “I support you.”
Whether we are working on a new business, starting a new gym routine, taking a new class, or undertaking any other venture in life — knowing that we have the undying support of the woman we love will make us feel like we always have a safety net for when things get rough.
Like we have a teammate, someone in our corner who is always rooting for us. Especially if many of the things we’re doing are for that very person and our family.
A good man should be your support system in life and love, and will be hoping for the same in return.
10: “Your hard work is paying off.”
Men get down on themselves about their appearance, too. We all want to have better abs or a more defined chest. We want to feel like we can protect you, and ourselves. We want to feel strong. We want to feel like men. *Insert pounding chest gif*
When we do put in the effort to start eating better and working out, we are hoping it gets noticed. But, not just by anyone — by you. You are the one who sees us every day.
Telling us that you can see an improvement (no matter how small) from our efforts will reinforce us and encourage us to continue along our path.
Staying motivated is not easy, and progress is a long journey. It’s human nature to be our own worst critics and insecurities are always creeping in, whether we admit it or not (most men probably won’t).
If we know that the work is paying off, though, it will keep us striving towards our goals.
11: “You turn me on.”
There are many times when the man is the one to initiate physical contact in a relationship. Whether it be by a verbal comment, or touching you in a certain way…But there are times where we wish you would take control and make the first move.
If we are always the one initiating intimacy, we may start to wonder if you are actually attracted to us, or if you’re just complying to make us happy (while secretly rolling your eyes with a “here we go again”).
We want to feel wanted, too — but not just by anyone — by the woman we love.
12: “You can tell me anything.”
We all know that men are not the best communicators.
Men (unfortunately) keep things inside for multiple reasons. Maybe they are nervous about how you will react, maybe they are not great with words, or maybe (and most likely), they just never grew up thinking it was okay that they share their feelings. (Thanks, societal conditioning!)
Either way, it will put him at ease knowing that he is able to open up to you, be uncensored, and say what he truly feels without you getting mad or upset.
Let’s call it — gasp — a “safe space.”
Side note: If he does finally open up about his feelings, responding with judgment, anger, or criticism will quickly cause him to shut down again. If you say he can tell you anything, you need to mean it.
13: “I am happy with you.”
Simple, concise, to the point.
Any good man who is in a relationship will be striving to be a source of happiness in his woman’s life.
If he is — make sure he hears it loud and clear.
- My private clients find themselves living more confident, purposeful lives and cultivating healthier relationships with those around them. Click here to book a free call to see if we’re a fit to work together.
- James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
- Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
- James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.