avatarBrian Dickens Barrabee

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d his rent on time. When the cops let the Ninjas know of their interest in this little meeting they found the barber tied up on the floor of his apartment. The entire drop ceiling in the kitchen was on the kitchen floor in the hunt for the stash.</p><p id="6ad3"><b>Ninjas meet cops.</b></p><p id="e5be">Penn Manor has an extra long 1st floor hallway. At the very end, a good 200 feet from the front door entry, is the fire exit marked with an illuminated 10”x 12” red <b>EXIT </b>sign. When the police arrived, the Ninjas took off toward the <b>EXIT</b> sign at the end of the hall more than half a football field away.</p><p id="b6b4">By now you may be asking about who this Lawrence guy is — you know, the bathing librarian in the beginning of the story? What’s he got to do with this k<i>ettle of fish</i>? Well — — here’s how he figures in: seems like the <b>EXIT</b> sign was turned around who knows; <i>hit by a couch on a move, party pranksters, could be anything so it was pointing spot-on to the front door</i> <i>of Lawrence’s apartment.</i></p><p id="8ab4"><b>This anomaly falsely designated the door into the apartment as the Exit.</b></p><p id="6c44">As he related to me, Lawrence said that no sooner had he relaxed in his tub, he heard some kind of frantic pounding on the front door of his 1st floor apartment. This all took place in a matter of seconds, although I’m sure it felt longer.The banging on his door didn’t subside when Lawrence called out. So he hauled his tired librarian’s, nude body out of the tub to investigate. All the while he was yelling out, “<i>Who is it?</i>” No answer, just an unceasing hammering at his locked apartment door.</p><p id="5247">The police were now about hal

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fway down the hall in hot pursuit. As Lawrence reach the door the frantic Ninjas managed to kick it down in an attempt to rush out of the building.</p><p id="b76d">Of course, the Ninjas were ignorant of the fact that instead of being an <b>EXIT</b> it was the entrance to Lawrence’s apartment. The whole frenetic scene was choreographed so that the apartment door broke off at the hinges. Remaining largely intact it fell directly on a nude Lawrence. The Ninjas, unaware of the “<i>Bridge Over Lawrence”</i> literally ran over him lying under the door.</p><p id="140a">Trapped with no place to escape the Ninjas were apprehended with no one hurt.</p><p id="c633">Lawrence lasted another week in his apartment then asked if he could break his lease. No problem. I totally understood his being turned off by continuing to live with those odd memories. Not to mention, my liability for an errant exit sign — -<i>let’s not talk about that.</i></p><p id="bc2d">Life in Penn Manor settled down. The good guys resumed their lives and the villains were punished.</p><p id="1aa9"><b>But that’s not the end of the story.</b></p><p id="2fee"><b>There’s more!</b></p><p id="cd6c">My crew fixed the <b>EXIT</b> sign by Lawrence’s old apartment; fixed the apartment door, painted and generally spiffed the place up. A couple of months later I put the place up for rent; pictures on Zillow and Trulia, blurb on Craig’s List.</p><p id="758e">My office had a number of phone calls of interest. Ironically, one was from Lawrence. He wanted to take a look. I personally gave him a showing and although there were a couple of prospects interested, I re rented it to Lawrence.</p><p id="23d5"><b>He’s earned it.</b></p></article></body>

There’s A Ninja In My Bathtub

Trapped with no place to escape, the Ninja’s were apprehended with no one hurt.

# 38 Real Estate Man

Photo by Joshua Bartell on Unsplash

It was, indeed, a bad day for Lawrence. He had just come home from an exhausting stint as a librarian at that University of Pennsylvania’s Charles Patterson Van Pelt Library; it’s tiring just to say the name He spent the day in charge of collecting, organizing, and issuing resources such as books films and audio files. This type of work can be as enervating as laying asphalt in the hot summer sun.

At least that’s the way Lawrence saw it.

It was 5:00 and he was just about to settle into a warm tub to help wash the day away before dinner. He could almost feel the tension leave his body as he submerged. He was completely unaware of the tale that was to unfold.

Real Estate Man’s story:

The police saw them as they were striding down Baltimore Ave. dressed as Ninjas complete with mask; no, the masks weren’t protection from Coronavirus. They carried what appeared to be weapons sloppily concealed in sleeves and pant legs. The police followed them into my pride of West Philadelphia, Penn Manor Apartments — to apartment #33 specifically.

Apparently there was a misunderstanding about some money collateralized by pharmaceuticals. The tenant was a quiet guy who said he was a barber. Always agreeable and paid his rent on time. When the cops let the Ninjas know of their interest in this little meeting they found the barber tied up on the floor of his apartment. The entire drop ceiling in the kitchen was on the kitchen floor in the hunt for the stash.

Ninjas meet cops.

Penn Manor has an extra long 1st floor hallway. At the very end, a good 200 feet from the front door entry, is the fire exit marked with an illuminated 10”x 12” red EXIT sign. When the police arrived, the Ninjas took off toward the EXIT sign at the end of the hall more than half a football field away.

By now you may be asking about who this Lawrence guy is — you know, the bathing librarian in the beginning of the story? What’s he got to do with this kettle of fish? Well — — here’s how he figures in: seems like the EXIT sign was turned around who knows; hit by a couch on a move, party pranksters, could be anything so it was pointing spot-on to the front door of Lawrence’s apartment.

This anomaly falsely designated the door into the apartment as the Exit.

As he related to me, Lawrence said that no sooner had he relaxed in his tub, he heard some kind of frantic pounding on the front door of his 1st floor apartment. This all took place in a matter of seconds, although I’m sure it felt longer.The banging on his door didn’t subside when Lawrence called out. So he hauled his tired librarian’s, nude body out of the tub to investigate. All the while he was yelling out, “Who is it?” No answer, just an unceasing hammering at his locked apartment door.

The police were now about halfway down the hall in hot pursuit. As Lawrence reach the door the frantic Ninjas managed to kick it down in an attempt to rush out of the building.

Of course, the Ninjas were ignorant of the fact that instead of being an EXIT it was the entrance to Lawrence’s apartment. The whole frenetic scene was choreographed so that the apartment door broke off at the hinges. Remaining largely intact it fell directly on a nude Lawrence. The Ninjas, unaware of the “Bridge Over Lawrence” literally ran over him lying under the door.

Trapped with no place to escape the Ninjas were apprehended with no one hurt.

Lawrence lasted another week in his apartment then asked if he could break his lease. No problem. I totally understood his being turned off by continuing to live with those odd memories. Not to mention, my liability for an errant exit sign — -let’s not talk about that.

Life in Penn Manor settled down. The good guys resumed their lives and the villains were punished.

But that’s not the end of the story.

There’s more!

My crew fixed the EXIT sign by Lawrence’s old apartment; fixed the apartment door, painted and generally spiffed the place up. A couple of months later I put the place up for rent; pictures on Zillow and Trulia, blurb on Craig’s List.

My office had a number of phone calls of interest. Ironically, one was from Lawrence. He wanted to take a look. I personally gave him a showing and although there were a couple of prospects interested, I re rented it to Lawrence.

He’s earned it.

Humor
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