There’s A Different Way to Working Parent Life
The Tram Ride That Turned Me Into A Freelancer
What’s one thing you did most often in 2019?
For me it was this:
- Racing against the clock to finish a task before 2:30 pm so I could race out of the office.
- Jump into the tram just in the nick of time to pick up my child.
- Be relieved and annoyed at the same time when the tram was late.
I was pregnant with my second child at that time. I didn’t suffer from any major issues. It was straining nonetheless.
I can’t remember the exact date anymore but there was one particular afternoon. Grey sky, unusually full tram, stuffy air.
I put on my sunglasses so the other passengers couldn’t see my face (after all, this was pre facemask era). Tears welled up which I suppressed. And one thought:
There has to be a different way.
There has to be a different way to lead a working parent life.
Other than the classic version of:
- work full-time,
- have baby,
- go on leave,
and when you return you happily and gratefully accept
- part-time hours,
- pay cut,
- duller, simpler tasks
but still having to
- race against clocks and schedules all the time,
- miss out on interaction with coworkers (and they did let me feel it),
- finally hug your child and involuntarily transfer stress, exhaustion and anxiety
Up until that point in time, freelancers seemed like the superpeople of the workforce to me: confident and independent, relaxed and productive, nonchalant and optimistic.
“I’m nothing like that!”, I silently exclaimed.
Yet, the more minutes passed on the route, the longer I was confined to this stuffy space, the more the hope manifested that maybe there is a chance for me in the freelancing world.
Simply because by the time my stop was signalled, I had come to detest my life as a corporate employee so much that I had to get out, no matter what.
But I did want to continue working and making money, of that I was certain.
First things first though: I got a sick note and went home 2 full months before the expected date of birth.
I applied for every kind of governmental support we as a family could possibly be eligible to and otherwise focused on just being there for my kids and myself.
The idea of me going freelance (and writing — the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do) kept coming up.
And when I finally sat in my boss’s office to discuss the details of my return, I suddenly heard myself saying: “I can’t imagine myself inside these premises anymore.”
That day, I began researching and learning, adapting and growing.
I’m still nowhere near where I want to be.
But I am here. I’m doing it. I’ve started making money.
As the saying goes: Starting is the hardest part.
I have started. I’m well on the way now. And already happy.
I know that not everyone can or wants to go freelance (writing). And that’s totally fine.
What’s fine too is questioning every aspect of your life.
What you will be fine with is giving those questions room.
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