There Was a Shocking Murderer at My Family Reunion

Family can make questionable choices concerning our well-being.

My lifestyle has completely changed since the death of my mother. I am more isolated from family and friends. I tend to be more of a homebody (and now a workaholic) than ever before.

So, I was extremely torn when I heard that my family would be having family reunion, which we have had off and on for at least the last 33 years.

I knew my mother would want me to participate, and I always looked forward to catching up with family I hadn’t seen in at least a year. But as time got closer to the big weekend, it was like God was telling me that I shouldn’t go — even though my flesh was fighting against what my spirit was saying to do.

So, a week before the event, I received text messages from various family members asking if I would attend the family reunion this year. It was strange for family members to ask me if I was going — even if this would be the first family reunion without my mother.

Other people have lost parents and even children in the family, but nobody was asking them if they were up for attending a family event. So, why was I so special?

At first, I told everyone I would attend the weekend events. No one knew, but I actually had requested off for this specific weekend two months prior. But as the day went by, I felt like without my mother being present, I would only feel out of place — at my own family reunion.

When my mother and I would attend our annual family reunion, we were usually attached at the hip. I would typically sit with my mother or follow whenever she would move. Who would be that person for me now? Who would be that comfort for me?

So, before the night was up, I reached out to certain family members and lied about why I couldn’t attend the annual event. I had told them that I had decided to work through the weekend — even though, at the time, my job had cut my hours, and I was going to be home all weekend — alone.

Of course, no one questioned my abrupt decision to exclude myself from the family reunion. I figured my family understood and respected why I truly backed out of attending — but we are talking about family. And no matter a family's background, culture, or race, they are usually all the same — with a couple of rotten apples in the mix.

About three weeks had passed, and one of my great aunts (my grandfather’s younger sisters) stopped by my house to bring me a gift. She was initially going to present the gift to me during family reunion weekend— three weeks before.

It was a beautiful custom-made pillow with my mother’s picture on it. It also included her birthday and death date.

I was really appreciative. I hugged my aunt and thanked her for such a thoughtful gift.

Another week goes by, and I’m bragging about the gift from my aunt to one of my uncles in remembrance of my late mother, just to find out that the person who took my mother’s life had also attended the 2023 family reunion.

This is why no one in my immediate family attended the events of that weekend — because a family member had the audacity to request for my mother’s killer to be present at the family reunion.

But what really disappointed me was that no one in my family had said a word about my grandfather being part of a happy occasion, only for me to see his face and be depressed. Is this why family members contacted me to see if I was attending? So, they could figure out how to spit in my face without me knowing?

It’s not about the murderer of my mother being able to attend a family event. You know what? It’s exactly what it’s about.

It’s about the fact that my grandfather only spent one year in jail — not prison — but jail for my mother's death. It’s about the fact that he is basically a free man who can be taken to family gatherings and be loved and supported like a damn thing hasn’t changed for me, my uncles, or my mother’s nieces and nephews.

It’s about the fact that some men have done less than my grandfather and are spending the rest of their lives in a cell — with no sunlight and no family or friends that can come get them and allow them a normal life for even a weekend. It’s also the fact that family are usually the first to hurt you and the last to apologize about shit.

I frankly don’t give a damn about why my grandfather can participate in happy and positive things because even if he did kill my mother and his only daughter, he is still human. I never want him to ever be mistreated, but I feel like my mother’s killer is being rewarded — while I suffer in silence without my favorite person.

Someone may say that I’m choosing to suffer. Sometimes, I do feel sorry for myself because I feel incredibly alone in this world. But it’s almost as if I’m supposed to feel that way because even my own family doesn't realize how much they have made me feel alone by simply choosing to exclude my feelings and my new normal from their lives.

The reason that the terms killer and grandfather are interchangeable is because they are one and the same. My grandfather shot and killed my mother less than two years ago due to a scare tactic.

I forgave him the same day my mother died, but what the hell is wrong with my family?! What do they expect me to do? Deal with my grandfather — like my world hasn’t crumbled? I guess they want me to deal with him like I’m a damn robot with no emotions, no attachments to people, or no recent traumas.

Is this why people tend to create their chosen families through friends because blood-related individuals can be the most harmful humans on the planet?

According to my therapist, I don’t have the mental capacity or emotional stability to interact with my grandfather. My therapist isn’t sure what I would say — or do if I ever see my grandfather again — in this lifetime. But do you think my extended family has asked important questions concerning my well-being?

Hell no!

How can you honor my mother’s life at a family gathering but at the same time spit in the face of her daughter and siblings?

How do I deal with my family now?

— Teri Nickels

What are your thoughts?