LAUGHING & CRYING
There Once Was a Dude From This Platform (Pay Cut Protest)
A protest limerick sporting a thrilling CALL TO ACTION!
(MAL)CONTENT WARNING: It lacks the grandeur of Swift’s A Modest Proposal but it’s satire just the same.
Brutal circumstances have the effect of making me want to limerick.
I’m truly sorry that this occurs because it does nothing but spread the brutality, like a drunk frat boy spewing who’s not yet too drunk to collapse in the weeds and spew, all in one ignorable locale.
The brutal circumstances that spawned this limerick spew is, of course, the recent precipitous plunge in author earnings on this platform, due, we’re told, to malignant anteaters from Borneo (MAB) invading Medium and vacuuming up all the spare change lying about, or something like that.
Thankfully the MABs have all been rounded up and given cathartics.
Once they disgorge their mother lodes of coins, these will be carefully washed, disinfected, packaged, and distributed to all the writers from whom they were purloined.
A washing-disinfecting-packaging-distributing fee will naturally be deducted prior to payout. It is anticipated that the fee will equal about 99.7% of the mother lode total.
Meanwhile …
… I stew, and spew.
There once was a dude from this platform Who hadn’t the money to keep warm I’ll sell me some merch Like mugs and tee-shirts They’ll help me to weather this shitstorm
We need slogans to go on this stuff Said dude in a huffy huff huff I’ve got one I think It’ll look good in pink On the items to cover your buff
There’ll be sweatshirts you’ll see And undies of cotton, times three In red, black and blue Perhaps a gym shoe The profits will help keep us free
We’ll have hats that we’ll wear on our heads And pillows to dress up our beds All with some saying While waiting our paying And seeing at least three shades of reds
And to Medium from outraged writers
A movement we’ll form, call it MOFO* To protest you messing with our dough It’s not at all fair Do you even care? Or are all of your words just like faux blow?
*MOFO (the Medium writers protest movement) = Massive Outrage For Offences. Stand by for information about membership fees.
Two slogans have already been put forward for emblazoning on the protest merch.
From Carlo Zeno comes “Kick me! I’m a Medium Writer!”
From Ann James, ”adrift in a medium.coma”
The CTA, as promised
MOFO is planning for lots of merch to fund it’s efforts on behalf of Medium writers.
So …
… send in your ideas in the comments.
We need:
1️⃣ slogans for the merch
2️⃣ new and exciting merch ideas
3️⃣ an idea about how much you’d be willing to pay to join MOFO
