There is no such thing as a cat

Don’t tell me cats exist. I don’t want to hear it. I know that people have reported seeing cats all around the world and throughout all history. They are clearly lying because cats don’t exist. Or at least it’s vital that our children never learn that cats exist. It’s confusing for them to see cats when I’ve told them cats are an impossibility.

If children see cats and see people accepting cats, who knows, they might choose to become cats themselves. I know cats will always tell you they were born that way, that it wasn’t a choice, but I know better. I know more about a cat’s deepest dreams and longings than they do themselves. Adult cats aren't trying to save kittens from the miseries they endured themselves. They’re trying to turn human children into kittens for their own evil ends.

In fact, I suspect that cats are a plot by elite globalists to lure children away from producing lots of babies whether they want them or not. But I’m totally against cats adopting. Because I don’t believe that they want to give a human child a home. I’m convinced that they want to turn the human child into a kitten. Because that’s totally a thing.

No, I’m not really talking about cats, of course not. I just wanted to write something that would be legal in Florida. And Putin’s Russia.