There Is Better to Come, Better Can Make You Cum

Summary

This web content is a personal narrative detailing the emotional journey of the author towards understanding and accepting their borderline personality disorder diagnosis, intertwined with the complexities of past relationships and self-worth.

Abstract

The website presents a deeply introspective poem that chronicles the author's experiences leading up to their diagnosis with borderline personality disorder. It delves into the emotional turmoil of heartbreak, the pain of unrequited feelings, and the struggle with self-esteem and rejection. The narrative addresses questions of personal value and the fear of trying again after repeated setbacks. It also touches on the process of healing, learning to let go, and the realization that better things are yet to come, which can lead to a more fulfilling life. The poem serves as a cathartic reflection on the author's journey, emphasizing that recovery is a gradual process and that it's okay to acknowledge one's illness and need for help.

Opinions

The author suggests that one should not undervalue oneself or allow others to dictate their worth, particularly in relationships.
There is a sentiment of self-blame and questioning one's reactions to relationship dynamics, hinting at the stigma associated with strong emotional responses.
The text conveys the idea that external validation, especially from romantic interests, should not be the sole measure of one's self-worth.
The author emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's own mental health issues and seeking help, rather than denying them.
There is an opinion that with time, healing from heartbreak becomes easier, and one learns to move on without being consumed by past memories.
The author believes that there is always the potential for improvement and better experiences in life, which can lead to personal growth and happiness.

Question

Does it count as heartbreak if you amplify the sound of life so you can’t hear it?

If someone is abroad and tells you, “I wish you were here” Do they wish you were there or were you simply the only one awake, so they settled?

If they invite you to meet their friends and their best friends parents over 7 months. Then tell you it was only ‘hanging out’. Can you be called crazy for the way you react?

Can you be friends for more than 4 years and suddenly your messages don’t deliver? Blue ticks become your life. History just vanishes. Your tears join with the rain. Voice absorbed by the wind but you scream louder to give it more power in the hopes it will flip them off their feet. You saw it on YouTube once BUT FOR SOME REASON ENGLAND DECIDES TO HAVE A HEATWAVE SO IT CAN’T.

Answer

You reduced yourself to a blank cheque and waited patiently for him to prescribe your value. Why be mad he decided your worth was the asking price for condoms?

There is better to come.

Now enter the realisation the reason you wanted him was because he was fit. Decided you couldn’t do better so you made sure you believed you didn’t want better but deep down you knew you deserve better but it’s just scary to try. Scary to get constantly rejected for things not under your control. Not to mention the man was going bald. And his bones hurt, his bone didn’t work… You internalised this idea that having him would prove to everyone you were ok. But you’re sick. Stop denying you’re sick.

With every heartbreak, it gets a little easier the next time around. Slowly you start to Facebook their profile less and less. Their name, comes up in almost every tv show but it doesn’t make you flinch. Good memories are a silent film montage. You no longer use the sweet nothings they said as blades, cutting tracks down your mind at night.

You will realise you have moved on when can read this poem out loud. Accepting that they will always be in the back of your mind but that no longer makes you angry.

You are ok.

For a second there…

you thought you would never be ok.

For a week you thought of every single way to kill yourself.

Thought of every way to make him remember that you exist.

There Is Better to Come, Better Can Make You Cum

A poem detailing the events leading up to my borderline personality disorder diagnosis

Question

Answer

Answer

Moving On

A haiku

Nine

A poem written to my future someone — nine is the number of sexual partners you’ll have before settling down