Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of proper kissing techniques, suggesting that being a good kisser can enhance romantic connections and potentially lead to greater physical intimacy, while poor kissing can hinder these prospects.

Abstract

The article "There Are Right and Wrong Ways to Kiss" delves into the significance of kissing within romantic relationships, asserting that it is a crucial form of communication and bonding. It underscores that kissing is often a prerequisite for sexual activity, particularly for women, and can be indicative of a partner's sexual behavior. The author provides insights into common kissing faux pas, such as "The Prod" and "The Helicopter," which are characterized by aggressive and insensitive use of the tongue. Conversely, the article suggests that kissing with softness, curiosity, variation, passion, and empathy can greatly enhance the experience. It also draws parallels between the art of kissing and being a good lover, implying that the skills and sensitivities required for both are closely related.

Opinions

The author believes that kissing is an essential component of any romantic relationship and is vital for showing love and affection.
A bad kiss can be a deal-breaker, potentially preventing further physical intimacy.
Kissing techniques are seen as a reflection of one's sexual behavior, with aggressive kissers likely to exhibit similar behavior in bed.
The article criticizes kissing approaches that lack sensitivity and awareness of the partner's experience, such as "The Prod" and "The Helicopter."
Good kissing involves listening and responding to the partner, with a focus on mutual pleasure and exploration.
The author promotes the idea that kissing should be varied and passionate, mirroring the ebb and flow of a good conversation or lovemaking.
There is an emphasis on the connection between being a good kisser and being a good sexual partner, suggesting that the principles of generosity and attentiveness apply to both.

There Are Right and Wrong Ways to Kiss

Screwing it up might be ruining ‘your game’

I love kissing. A lot! I’ll kiss for hours if you let me, from small pecks to deep French; I’ll nibble, smack, lick and lap, on your neck, cheeks, ears, and, of course, your lips.

There are so many right and scrumptious ways to kiss—but, there’s also a wrong way, or a few…

If you haven’t mastered the fine art of kissing, you could be sabotaging your chances of other physical pleasures as well.

The significance of the kiss

I’m often sharing from my personal perspective, but I believe I speak for most when I say that we love to kiss and we want lots of it!

Kissing is an important component of any romantic relationship. It’s a fundamental way of showing love and affection and to strengthen our bonds with each other. Besides, kissing is an integral part of sex (at least in a relationship) and you can’t have good sex with subpar kissing. Lastly, if you’re a terrible kisser, chances are you’re not a great sexual partner either.

Kiss me, and you will see how important I am. —Sylvia Plath

Women kiss and tell

The women I know place significant importance on the act of kissing and whether or not a potential partner is good at it or not.

Let me give you an example of a typical conversation between myself and a friend. I’ve been on either side of this:

—How was your date last night?

—It started out great, I was really into him…

—Then? Oh no, bad kisser?

—Yes! So bad…

—Ahhh, damn! What a shame…

‘Bad kisser’ doesn’t get a second date!

Why?

How you kiss says a lot about you

As a disclaimer, I must add that being a great kisser or sharing a good kiss with someone does not, by any means, guarantee that you’ll end up in bed with them. Not then. Not ever.

Being a bad kisser, on the other hand, could cause someone to change their mind if they were considering sex in the first place.

According to an article on why we kiss from Healthline, most women won’t have sex without kissing first. Apart from the fact that it feels good, the kiss is often used to size up a partner and a bad kiss might destroy your chances of advancing beyond it.

Kissing alludes to sex

While we kiss for many reasons, it’s no secret that kissing can be a precursor to sex.

The similarities between the acts are obvious, with our lips stimulating the labia, entered by the phallic tongue.

Your kisses may reveal how you behave in bed

If you kiss in a selfish, aggressive, and abrasive way, chances are you’re likely to continue that way.

If you, on the other hand, kiss with passion, compassion, and curiosity, the same is often true in the bedroom.

First, let’s get the don’ts out of the way:

How NOT to kiss

There are two types of kissing ‘techniques’ that I absolutely can’t stand. I couldn’t find official names for them, so I gave them my own:

The Prod

This is when someone jabs you with their tongue, usually before you’re ready for it at all. The tongue can be such a wonderful treat, but, used this way—stiff, invasive, and prodding—it becomes the exact opposite. A jabbing tongue is unpalatable and even gross. It makes you feel like you’ll gag—and not in a good way.

Get that ‘thing’ away from me.

The Helicopter

This one often follows The Prod and is equally self-explanatory: It’s when someone stabs you with their tongue and then spins it around (and around and around) in your mouth, seemingly oblivious to what you’re doing—or trying to do, but can’t because their tongue is violently propelling around in your mouth.

Also, yuk!

Common for these two approaches is their lack of sensitivity to the person they’re attempting to kiss. They simply burst in there and do their thing without much care.

This isn’t kissing, it’s tongue assault.

There are other lesser ways to kiss, which usually depend on the situation. There are no absolute wrongs either; some may even like a stabbing tongue, in the right circumstances. Too much or too little of anything without tuning into your partner is usually where it goes awry.

With that, let’s move to the good stuff:

Kiss like this!

Soft, moisturized lips and fresh breath are great things when kissing, but most important are how you do it:

Let your lips do the talking

Kissing is like a conversation and requires listening. In fact, we should all aim to listen more than we speak. Pay attention and follow your partner. Wait for your turn and don’t divulge all at once, meaning, build up, and go slow with your tongue; don’t just stick it in the first chance you get.

A kiss is a secret which takes the lips for the ear. —Edmond Rostand

Kiss with curiosity

Instead of prodding, you may probe. Try a little and see how they react. If you use a bit of tongue, do they reciprocate? If you nibble a bit, do they bite back? Do they sigh or moan? Make kissing a fun game of getting to know each other.

I have a weird thing where, when I’m close with a partner, I like to use my tongue to investigate every part, from their gums to their teeth and the roofs of their mouths. This might not be a first-date-activity but shows that there’s always room for playfulness and exploration. Have you ever tried sharing the same breath, by the way? It’s fun—and hot!

Kiss with variation

Again, like a conversation, kissing has lulls and peaks, highs, and lows—of passionate wanting and soft pauses. Kiss like the waves and the tides of the ocean; come crashing in, and then reside.

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. — Ingrid Bergman

Kiss like you mean it

Tune into yourself and your lover and kiss with passion and emotion. Kiss the way you feel in the moment—to communicate your wants and wishes. Use your lips and tongue to say how beautiful they are, how sensual you feel, and how much you desire them.

Kiss with empathy

Most importantly is kissing with compassion. You have to care and show that you do. Kissing is always (at least) a two-way street, so play it back and forth, pay attention, respond, and listen for feedback.

One last salute

If you look at my descriptions above, they’re quite similar to any tips on how to be a good and generous lover.

While a good kisser is not guaranteed to be a good lover and vice versa, there is much to indicate that the two are intrinsically connected.

Remember, there are no wrong people to kiss—as long as they want to kiss you back—but there are a few wrong ways. So don’t dismiss this essential step; hone the art and savor it as the delicacy it is.

Kiss with passion, emotion, and warmth. Kiss with joy, delight, and ardor. Kiss to your heart’s content—regardless of who you desire.

Happy pride month!