There Are Only Two Forces That Motivate People (According to Tony Robbins)

After 50 years in the game, he’s come to know a thing or two about what makes people tick

Here’s a question for you:

Why does anyone do anything?

Before you jump too far ahead, think about it for a moment.

Because if you’re anything like me, you may get to the point where you just don’t know.

There seems to be no real reason why anyone does anything, except for the reasons they give to it.

Maybe that’s why Osho said:

“Life in itself has no meaning. Life is an opportunity to create meaning.”

The universe is too big and too mysterious to understand all of it.

Some have questioned this great mystery by asking questions like — Who am I? Why am I here? And what is the purpose of life?

Others have sought to understand it on a biological, physical, and metaphysical level. And many have succeeded in doing just that.

In terms of what motivates people, though, Tony Robbins has a pretty legitimate theory:

“There are only two forces that motivate people to do what they do: the desire to avoid pain or the desire to gain pleasure”

And it makes sense right? After all, the two cornerstones of evolution are survival and reproduction. That’s all our reptilian brain cares about.

Survival = the avoidance of pain.

Reproduction = gaining pleasure.

So, once all is said and done, we’re rather simple beings with simple needs under the complexity of being human.

So, let’s explore both a little more closely now.

The desire to avoid pain

In both avoiding pain and gaining pleasure, there are four key areas — Physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Avoiding pain on the physical level is rather obvious. That’s why some people are more afraid of more daring activities than others. When the consequence outweighs the potential joy, many people opt to avoid it.

Avoiding pain emotionally, on the other hand, is a whole different kettle of fish. We often avoid this kind of pain by trying our hardest to fit in, by not speaking our truth, or by performing socially acceptable behaviour like saying please and thank you, politely queuing in single file, laughing at unfunny jokes to not hurt someone’s feelings, and stopping at traffic lights.

We avoid pain mentally by staying in our comfort zone, and by not challenging or pushing ourselves. That’s why learning is so great. If it’s done well, it pushes us in a healthy direction without causing pain at all.

Avoiding pain spiritually is a little more nuanced because it’s somewhat paradoxical. We typically avoid spiritual pain by not committing ourselves to a virtuous path or meeting our highest self. We often do this by engaging in self- sabotaging behaviour that keeps us playing small.

This, of course, causes less pain in the moment but copious pain in the long run because there’s a disconnection from spirit and/or soul.

How to avoid pain

• Speak truthfully, with power but without force
• Be kind, with love but without agenda
• Serve others, with compassion but without judgement
• Learn with curiosity
• Stay connected to spirit

The desire to gain pleasure

Gaining pleasure on the physical level is rather obvious too and there are many ways to do it: Massage, sex, exercise, good food, good sleep, dance, etc…

Now, there is a crossover here though as pleasure of any kind is good for our emotional and mental well-being too, as well as our spirit. Lovemaking, for example, feels incredible physically but it also releases dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin which adds to the feeling of pleasure, love, and happiness.

Exercise works in much the same way as does (to a lesser extent) eating a delicious slab of chocolate.

This then makes us feel good so our mood stabilises, our energy levels rise, and joy keeps flowing.

Emotional pleasure can also come through connection, socialising, and being around loved ones. Animals have also been proven to create emotional bonds too.

On the mental side, we can gain pleasure through engaged learning, problem-solving, earning money, helping others, supportive work, and a good jigsaw puzzle (or is it just me?)

On the spiritual side, we can find pleasure in meditation, through breathwork (my favourite), yoga, Qi Gong, and other mindfulness practices.

How to gain pleasure

• Rejoice in noticing the small things in life
• Feeling the presence of your next breath
• Lovemaking
• Finding community and/or staying connected to loved ones
• Being in nature
• Hugging!
• Laughing

Becoming free

In the end, the avoidance of pain and the desire for pleasure is both a pathway to suffering. So, it’s a delicious trap.

That’s why the Buddha famously said:

“The root of all suffering is attachment”

Even Tony Robbins himself said: “What you resist, persists”

So, becoming free is about transcending both. However, it’s possibly the hardest thing to do which is why so few attempt it.

There is a middle way though (thank goodness!), and it’s perhaps more achievable for us everyday folk.

Joseph Campbell seemed to capture it better than most when spoke these ten fabulous words:

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

And perhaps no one gave us a better example of how to do it than Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

To recap

• Life has no meaning, except for what we make of it
• There are two forces that motivate people — The desire to avoid pain and the desire to gain pleasure. However, both lead to suffering
• The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you truly are
• Shining your light helps to liberate yourself and also invites others to subconsciously do the same

To close, I’d like to leave you one more pertinent quote by the man himself:

“It’s not what we get. But who we become, what we contribute… that gives meaning to our lives” — Tony Robbins