Therapy Myths and Misunderstanding

The ideas that cause us to misunderstand therapy

I’d love for therapy to be available to everyone who needs or wants it, but it isn’t just finances that can stand in the way, making the therapeutic journey unavailable. During my years as a practicing therapist, I have heard many myths that have mislead people or even stopped them from getting the appropriate help they deserve.

Here is a selection of myths that have been told to me either by clients or in the course of normal conversation.

Persistent myths about therapy

When talking about therapy, it is still common to hear remarks such as: “I don’t need therapy — I’m not mad.” Or: “It can’t be good to dig up the past. Why be reminded of the bad times?”

In a society where mental health has become part of our daily conversation, it is surprising that such myths still exist. Some of these false messages are responsible for our fears of mental health issues, our belief that therapy is for others, not for us, or that it will do us damage, or perhaps even the idea that if we need therapy then we are somehow faulty. With these messages going round in our head, we are unlikely to seek the help we need.

It’s them, not us

Some years ago, I took part in training which would qualify me as a facilitator of the Triple-P Positive Parenting Programme. The delegates included social workers, family support workers, therapists and community support officers. It was a group of people who worked daily with a wide variety of clients in the community.

I remember specifically an occasion when I suggested that we could all apply the skills we had learnt in bringing up our own children. The response from one of the participants was to say, “Oh, I don’t think we need to go that far” — and her colleagues nodded in agreement.

I was shocked that they thought they were any different from the parents they were working with. They had a “them-and-us attitude” — we don’t need this, it is all the others who need help.

These examples have highlighted three myths already:

• There is something wrong with us if we need emotional or psychological support.
• Therapy will dig up old issues and this is unhealthy.
• Therapy is for other people, not for us.

The imagined therapist

The entertainment industry is not helping to dispel the common therapy myths. Films, TV dramas and books often portray the stereotypical therapeutic behaviour as making strange statements and asking questions that a fully trained therapist, in reality, would not dream of asking. Adding to this, therapists on the screen are often sitting in luxurious offices with views of the surrounding countryside or cityscapes.

Having built a successful private practice, I can verify that few therapists, even very successful ones, can afford a luxurious office!

I used to be enraged at some of the behaviours of therapists in movies, TV and radio, but there is little I can do about it, so now I just laugh along helplessly. Nonetheless, this entertainment creates ideas about therapy that are misleading and largely mythical.

If we believe all we read, hear and see without having the knowledge to help us to judge what is true, it will greatly influence our choices and actions. Perhaps it will even stop us from looking for therapy altogether or create unrealistic expectations when we do.

The blockages to accessing therapy

I can think of many examples of clients who have held back from going to therapy because they do not know the reality of what therapy is or how it works. The following scenario specifically springs to mind as one that illustrates this point brilliantly; it involved a couple who came to see me for psychosexual therapy.

In the first session, one partner told me that they hadn’t made an appointment before because she believed they would need to lie on a couch together during sessions. Her second worry was that I would want to watch them having sex. She thought that would be “a bit weird”. I completely agree, having couples lying next to each other on a therapist’s couch in psychosexual therapy would be incredibly weird. Worse still, watching clients having sex is most certainly not part of therapy. Please do keep your clothes on and your hands to yourselves!

Another couple of the common myths

Myths are easy to inadvertently create and really difficult to change once they have entered the general consciousness. Below are a couple of specially chosen common myths; there are plenty more, perhaps enough for a book dedicated just to myths about therapy.

Therapy is only for serious mental health issues

While therapy can of course help with serious psychological issues, we can all benefit from it. Every now and then, we experience times when life is tough, and we struggle to cope. While this is a normal part of life, it could also be the right time to seek help. It may not even be the tough times we struggle with; it can be daily living that is confusing or upsetting, or simply not quite right.

All I need is to talk with a good friend or my mum

We all need good friends and family to support us in life and having relationships with other people really is an essential part of a balanced life. However, while friends and family can give us their support and wisdom, we tend to censor what we talk about, concerned we might hurt them, or be seen as weird or stupid, perhaps even crazy.

In conversation with friends and family, we go back and forth talking about all types of other topics and other people. For example, we might be reminiscing about how Aunt Jo had depression and how she went mad or ran away with the circus. This is very different from how therapists talk with clients, as I explored in this earlier article: How Talking with a Close Friend is Different to Talking with Our Therapist.

As we talk about another family member who struggled with life, we might fear that our issues will be unwrapped in a similar way in future family stories. Much like the party game of pass- the-parcel in reverse; with every re-telling of our story, another layer is added, disguising our true experience.

There are two calming and comforting requirements in life that our family and friends can provide that an ethical therapist cannot and will not:

1. Physical comfort: hugs and kisses 2. Placating: telling us everything will be okay tomorrow

Family and friends are there for life, supporting us as we support them. Sometimes this support simply doesn’t do the trick and we need a different type of conversation to put us back on our feet or help change track.

If life is feeling uncomfortable, it’s time to look at options for professional help. If we begin to tell ourselves that we’re not ‘bad’ enough for therapy or other ideas that stand in the way of seeking the help we need, it is likely we have misleading information lodged in our understanding of therapy.

Read my book for more about therapy and the therapeutic journey.