How to get better at disappointing people in 2024

this skill will improve your relationships and your happiness

If you’re still searching for a New Year’s resolution, why not try disappointing more of the people in your life?

If this sounds unappealing, think again. Let’s imagine for a moment, what would happen if we didn’t disappoint the people in our lives.

Let’s say for example, you never disappoint your husband.

He texts you from work because a friend invited him to see a new movie that night.

He wants to go.

You have plans to meet a friend for dinner.

But he seems so excited.

He’s been wanting to see that movie.

If you remind him he’s on kid duty and has to stay home, he’ll be disappointed.

You call the one sitter that the kids love, but she’s busy.

So you end up calling your mom even though you don’t like asking her for favors.

You don’t like asking your mom for favors because she expects something in return.

And if you don’t plan on disappointing your mom, then you have to return the favor.

Whatever favor she asks for.

Maybe you should just cancel on your friend.

Wait, last minute cancelations are really disappointing.

You can’t do that to your friend.

She’s having a hard year.

The doorbell rings.

Your mom is here.

She has a really, really long story you must hear.

But before she tells you that story, there’s one extremely urgent issue which requires your immediate attention.

Your 7 year old whispers in your ear that he doesn’t like when grandma babysits.

Wait, where is the 3 year old?

You phone vibrates.

It’s your friend texting to see what’s holding you up.

Your mother points out that the 7 year old didn’t say excuse me.

Your phone vibrates again.

A photo from your husband.

He’s two thumbs up with an extra large popcorn in his lap in the movie theater.

Okay, okay. Mercy.

I’m getting stressed out just writing this.

The point is clear. If we don’t disappoint people, we abandon ourselves.

Speaking of many people’s greatest fear, we often avoid disappointing others because we fear they will abandon us.

Paradoxically, it turns out that self-abandonment is the most painful kind.

I could end this story here, but if you read on I have one more really quite exceptionally interesting thing to tell you.

Oh sorry, that was manipulative.

You can stop reading before you get to the end.

I would be disappointed.

But I would take the disappointment as a gift.

Because being disappointed teaches me crucial life skills.

It improves my sense of empathy and ability to attune.

And fosters my resilience.

Disappointment is a universal experience and I am grateful for the opportunity to feel something that connects me to every other human on this planet.

And if the people in your life don’t see disappointment the same way, I suggest you resolve to find some new people to disappoint in 2024.

To read more of my thoughts on how important it is to disappoint the people we love including your fiancé, click here.