FICTIONALIZED SERIES

Their Dirty Actions Influenced Her Life

No Consent #1: Prologue — A series of actions during two years of her young life formed her outlook on intimacy.

Series content warning: Mental and physical abuse, grooming and
gaslighting, bigotry and shaming, naivety and immaturity.
This is a fictionalized story of real events.

Annie looked back over her shoulder as she ran through the potato field. Her nervous and excited laugh echoed through the warm summer air. Peter, her cousin, followed close behind.

Despite the two-year age difference, they were fond of each other and almost exclusively spent time together when their families visited each other. The spontaneous nature of the ten-year-old girl had always been the bridge between their ages and the difference in gender.

Suddenly, Peter dove through the air and grabbed Annie’s feet. They were almost at the end of the overgrown field and both fell between the potato plants. Peter unintentionally ended up on top of Annie's legs, with his nose almost buried in between.

For seconds, neither of them spoke nor moved.

Annie recognized the look in Peter’s eyes, which left her with a familiar feeling of resignation. His hand slowly slipped under her shorts and touched the elastic of her panties; moved inside her panties.

At that moment, Annie experienced a sense of detachment from her body.

Peter’s hand touched the soft white skin, where some fluff had only recently started growing. He pushed her shorts aside and, just as his tongue dabbed the bare flesh, Annie jumped up and ran away.

“Peter, catch me! Peter, you can’t catch me. You can’t catch me,” she jokingly chanted, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Annie ran back towards the house.

When Peter found her, she was in the barn, playing. Cautiously, he joined her. The two of them never talked about what had happened that day out in the field.

On another occasion, another cousin of Peter and Annie got married, which was the reason Annie’s family stayed with Peter’s for the weekend.

The wedding ceremony took place in the church late on the Saturday afternoon. That evening, Annie could dance to her heart's content at the reception. She mostly danced with Peter — the jive, the twist and sometimes their self-invented dance. Between songs, they grabbed foods and fruits from the tables before returning to the dance floor. Annie drank only soft drinks, but Peter’s parents allowed him to have some champagne.

It was close to midnight when Annie’s parents left the party. Peter and his older brother would drive back home with them.

“Daddy, may I go in the back?” Annie asked before her younger brother could do so.

They were forever fighting about who would sit in the far back of the minibus. This time Annie ‘won’. Before any of the others were in the car, Annie already lay in the back. She was sleepy because of the late hour and the ‘busy’ night of dancing and having fun. Her mind wandered between sleep and wake as the others got into the minibus — their voices sounded far away.

But suddenly, she was wide awake.

Without moving a muscle, she quickly orientated herself.

Even though she could not see them, she knew her father and mother were in the front seats of the minibus. The vehicle was moving, which meant they were already on their way home. She suspected her brother was in the seat directly behind her parents.

Her two cousins were in the back seat. She could see the backs of their heads and their shoulders. More so, she felt a hand exactly where Peter had his tongue before.

As if moving in her sleep, Annie moved to lie just out of reach of both of her cousins. Through her eyelashes, she peered at the two boys. She saw one of them pulling his arm back, but didn’t know who of the two had touched her there.

Halfway through the next day, Annie and her parents were ready to leave. Peter came to greet them, but his older brother didn’t show his face. Annie never told her parents what had happened.

Before any of the incidents with her cousins, a close friend of Annie’s parents came to visit them. He always arrived at exactly the same time — just before Annie and her brother had to go to bed.

Annie readied herself for bed, the same way she always did. However, she knew that instead of one of her parents, Adrian would come to her room to read her a bedtime story. She also knew it would be a repetition of countless similar evenings, which had started about a year before, when she was nine.

As expected, Adrian came to her room. He sat down on the side of her bed, took a book and paged through it, looking for a story to read. When he found one, he beckoned Annie to sit on his lap. Her back rested against his chest, and the book rested on her legs. Adrian started reading.

Annie’s attention wasn’t on the story. She was waiting for IT to happen. Coming from the kitchen, she heard the voices of her parents. If either of them would walk from the kitchen to the dining room or come towards the bedrooms, they would immediately see her sitting on Adrian’s lap.

It was an innocent picture.

It wasn’t innocent at all.

His hand was on the inside of Annie’s thigh. It crept upwards. His fingers forced her legs apart. Then he touched her.

There.

In one slick movement, he lifted her panties and slipped a finger inside. He read on, his voice not betraying his actions. Annie felt his finger moving around in circles. Even though it hurt, not a sound escaped her.

He had warned her many times before.

As soon as he finished reading, he helped her off his lap and pushed her towards the built-in closet behind her door. Annie knew what it meant. She did what he expected her to do. Standing with her back against the closed doors of the closet, she lifted her nightgown and pulled her panties aside.

Adrian liked to look at her. Ever since these episodes started, he had demanded this from her. She never knew why and she had never dared asking him. Sometimes, when he seemed to be a bit grouchy, he also asked her to touch herself, or to push a matchstick between her labia to spread them.

“Come on, Annie, time to sleep,” he said after what felt like an eternity.

He tucked her in and bent over her as if to give her a goodnight kiss.

“You know you can’t tell your parents about this. They will spank you for being naughty. It’s our secret. I’m not angry with you. Good night, my little sweetheart.”

Annie fell asleep listening to the voices of Adrian and her father.

Between her ninth and eleventh year, Annie had more experiences that formed her outlook on sex.

By accident, she saw a poster in her father’s closet. The poster was of a naked woman, sitting on the beach in the shallow water, her legs spread and pink flesh visible through the rich bush of black hair between her legs. Annie had only looked at the picture once, for less than a minute, but years later Annie could still recall the picture in her mind, remembering every detail.

Another time, Annie got out of her bed because she didn’t feel well and walked towards the lights of the lounge to look for her parents. She almost never got out of bed, and her parents never knew she was there. Quietly she stood in the doorway, watching her father on top of her mother, and hearing their grunts and moans before she turned around and went back to bed.

One day while Annie searched her parents’ room for hidden Christmas gifts, she discovered a stack of Polaroid photos in her father’s closet. They were nudes of her mother, but also some nudes of her father.

The ‘big secret’ involving Adrian abruptly ended one afternoon. Annie’s parents visited Adrian’s and while she found the adult conversation boring, Annie stayed in the room until her parents told her to go play outside. By then Adrian hadn’t shown himself and Annie didn’t know whether he was home. She went to the aviaries at the back of the sizeable garden.

That was where Adrian found her.

Adrian pushed Annie against the wall, and his hand searched for that special place between her legs, where he hurt her so many times before.

Annie was too afraid to move.

Then his mouth was on hers. He forced her lips apart, pushing his tongue into her mouth, touching hers with his. Though it lasted only seconds, it was long enough to nauseate Annie. With an unknown strength, she pushed him away, slipped past him, and ran inside the house.

They left shortly after she had returned to her parents, but whether they left because of her nausea or because her parents were about to go home anyway, Annie didn’t care. All she wanted was to get as far away from Adrian as possible.

Adrian never visited her parents again. At first, they wondered why he stayed away, but then they suspected he was spending time with a new girlfriend.

For Annie, the nightmare was over.

During the school holidays, Annie’s best friend came to visit her for two weeks. They were in the stage of their lives where they enjoyed dressing up like the characters in their fantasies — kings, queens and servants. It was innocent, but exciting.

In one of their games, both the girls had reached such a level of excitement that they showed each other their genitals.

Annie knew what the young male genital looked like, as she and her younger brother still had bathed together until just before the visit of her friend. Mary was an only child, and had reached the age where she too started getting curious about some sexual aspects of life, despite her protective upbringing.

On that particular afternoon, in the far corner of the garden, both the giggling girls dropped their panties to show each other what was hidden below. They looked at each other, covered themselves up, and continued playing like nothing had happened.

That evening in bed, the excitement of the afternoon was back.

“Don’t move. Don’t speak,” Annie whispered. “If my parents hear us, we’ll both get a spanking.”

Slowly, Annie moved down under the blankets and positioned herself between Mary’s legs. Clumsily, she pulled Mary’s panties to the side to expose her soft flesh.

Images flashed through her mind. Adrian, Peter. Peter, Adrian.

What was she to do next? How should she do it?

Annie just moved her tongue up and down the slit between the labia of her friend. Knowing she was not hurting Mary made Annie feel strangely happy. The light feeling of frustration she had felt since the afternoon now changed to a feeling of deep content.

Mere minutes later, she lay down next to Mary again and the two girls fell asleep. They never spoke about what happened in bed, and it didn’t happen again.

Not with Mary.

On their way to a holiday destination, Annie and her cousin were in the minibus of her parents, and the boys in the car with her cousin’s parents. The girls were in the far back, Annie on her front on the seat, and her cousin on her back on the floor. They were talking about girl stuff, the way only girls can.

In a quiet moment, images flashed through Annie’s mind. It might have been because she was in the back of the same minibus, because she saw the faces of Peter and his brother.

As if it had a mind of its own, her hand moved to her mouth. She put a finger to her lips, gesturing to her cousin to keep quiet, then reached for her cousin’s crotch, incautiously moving her shorts and panties aside.

Her finger explored.

Her cousin stayed still.

Annie’s finger parted her cousin’s labia. It surprised her when she felt some dampness around her finger. She moved deeper, trying to find the origin of the wetness. A soft moan from her cousin frightened her enough to pull her hand away quickly.

She didn’t apologize for hurting the other girl.

Instead, she felt smug.

At last, was her childlike thought. At last, someone else felt what I had endured.

In that moment, she wanted someone else to feel the same frustration and humiliation she had experienced.

Not being able to discuss with anyone what had happened to her, Annie locked what happened in a dark corner of her brain.

It had all started with Adrian.

He was the one who had taught her to feel guilty about what he did. He had introduced her to sex, even though he had never penetrated her.

He had stolen her innocence.

Because of Adrian, Annie did nothing when Peter touched her inappropriately. Adrian had already trained her to know she should keep her mouth shut.

It was her fault — all of it was her fault.

That was the message Adrian unknowingly had placed in her mind.

Slowly, and true to her nature, a rage built up in Annie. She was angry because deep down she knew she shouldn’t feel guilty about what had happened, but still she did. She was angry because she missed their attention. Anger and shame consumed her, because she didn’t know how not to miss it.

It also made her feel more guilty that she already did.

She started blaming herself for everything, which made her even angrier. Somewhere later in life, the anger — and her desire — would look for a way out. But, it took Annie many years to be able to look back and recognize the effect of those incidents in her younger years.

In her young adult life, she at last mustered the courage to tell her parents about Adrian and Peter. Her mother was shocked and would have done anything to undo it all. Her father dismissed it as her foolish imagination.

His reaction intensified her guilt. What if he was correct? What if all of it had never happened?

Annie never felt traumatized, but she was.

For years, sex became the center of everything. She tried to bind people to her, using sex, but at the time she didn’t see it like that. Only later in life, looking back on those younger years, she understood.

Annie had to learn the hard way that sex was not the solution to everything.

After yet another failed relationship, Annie decided she was done with men and would pursue a relationship with a woman. This thought never would have crossed her mind if a boyfriend hadn’t awakened those slumbering fantasies inside her.

When she followed that road, she ended up in a real-life nightmare.

Continued… No Consent #2

Save this list so you don’t miss the next chapter:

This is the rework of a fictionalized auto-biographical story, self-published as a book in 2008, and rewritten for this platform. The story comes with a content warning of mental and physical abuse, misogyny. Names of characters have been changed, not to protect them, but to protect me.

Another series written by me:

🦋 About | 💻 Follow / Subscribe | 📚 Stories | 🦜 Twitter | 🔗Substack