The Wrong Reasons to Be a Doctor

By someone who has seen and been them.

Being a medical doctor is not as sexy as it seems.

Moreover, becoming one is even more demanding. Every day has a challenge waiting for you. Every day, you will be tested mentally and physically. During those rough moments, you need to gather up your own consolation and the momentum, to do it again. These are times when we reflect on the question, “Why am I here?” If you don’t have a clear answer, you will feel messed up.

I messed up too. Several times. Several reasons.

Choosing what you want to do with your life is an art.

On average, 85% of people are unhappy with their jobs, according to the Gallup World Poll.

This is the era where there are major job transitions. The reasons why these people are swapping positions are many. Yet they all zero in on one point: the feeling that this is not for them. What happened that made them choose it in the first place? The most common, almost reflexive answer one would get is: “I chose it because I liked it.” But this is not pertinent to the number above, i.e., 85%. Why is it so?

It is because they lie and are aware of it. I am so sure of it because I lied too. For a long time.

How not to choose a career?

Lying sugarcoated my muddled feelings.

I always felt extraneous to my department. Yet, I was trying hard to fit in. I wanted to be passionate about my field. But it seemed to be hard work to find that passion. In the event of adulting, I found that I had chosen this field for every wrong reason that could be there. On reflecting, I had a list.

A list of steps about how not to choose a career.

These are my reasons. There could be more or less. But as far as I learned from others, I am not the only one with these secrets.

I am a doctor because my parents wanted me to be one.

I was being pressured, and I wasn’t aware of it.

No parent wants their child to suffer for no reason. Mine were the same. They had the best intentions when they wanted me to choose medicine. They thought that I would be safe and settled. They are not doctors. So they didn’t know that you needed the fire to withstand the hardship over here. And the gift that I gave them for having concern about my well-being is something else.

I blamed them every time I had a work-associated tantrum.

Just because you scored good grades in high school, you cannot expect the same in medical school

I am the bright student who happened to be the school topper too.

I am someone who loves learning. I entered medical school with the same love and expectations. But what I dealt with was different. I was frustrated with the load of information to learn. My class assessment scores were dwindling. I was just passing my four years of study. I still believe it to be the grace mark that has worked for me. Again, I did what my parents wanted. They wanted me to clear the exam and I did it.

But I always felt like an impostor, and more than 60% of the doctors do have this impostor syndrome.

Being a doctor seems glamorous.

Healing your patients will be the most satisfying thing to do.

But it comes at a price. You will lose sleep. You will forget about food for two days in a row. You will be in this never-ending race to achieve the next big thing. You will never be completely sure. You will be faking confidence most of the time. You will be working overtime and doing a lot of “other people’s jobs.” You could get mental health issues and leave them untreated, even if you know you need to. There is so little time for family, friends, and even yourself.

Television series like Grey’s Anatomy and House M.D., cute scrubs, and mysterious medical jargon make it seem glamorous.

Working as a doctor is a lucrative job.

The things I lamented above apply here too.

You pay a price for that, both monetary and non-monetary. If you are solely landing in this to earn more, you could find it hard to gather the drive to strive forward. It is because it takes nearly 15 to 20 years to get recognized and get rolling in it as a doctor. Not only that, you might finish it with a huge study loan to pay. And statistics state that a few select departments of doctors are paid better. And other jobs in the medical field are paid more than doctors, too.

The most disheartening thing is watching your non-medico friends get settled as you study hard to clear your undergraduate degree.

Do not become one without knowing yourself.

The most important thing you need here or anywhere is a passion for the work.

According to a 2016 American Survey, 49% of physicians are planning to change their current situation; 54% of them felt that their morale was negative; 49% felt burned out; and 49% would never recommend a medical career for their children. This shows the austerity of this profession, with which one can deal if one is truly passionate about it. Because when you know who you are and why you are here, you will have the right reasons to withstand the toughness.

Or else it becomes harder day by day to hold on to. A survey of 1639 doctors conducted by Physicianonfire reflects this. Of 1639 doctors, only 1% chose to stay in their current profession.

Quitting is not an option.

Quitting is a choice. And it is yours to make.

“If it is so hard to endure, why should I keep doing this? What if I quit this and do something else?”

The thought above is something that kept lingering in my mind for a long time. To be honest, it is surprising that I am still here running my private practice after 13 years of coming into this. What made me stay? Will I stay forever? I can very well answer the first question.

Though no one died, I went through all five stages of grief; maybe it is due to my sensitive, dramatic side. I denied my work; I was angry with my parents; I was bargaining that if only I had known better before; I plunged into depression; and finally, I landed upon acceptance.

It didn’t happen overnight. It was slow and subtle.

The first thing I did was heal my inner child, who was living with a victim mindset. Learning the art of taking responsibility for myself is the key that has opened many doors in my life. Instead of searching for someone to fix me, I started searching for ways to help myself. I learned to work with my thoughts and emotions. I discovered who I am and what I am passionate about.

I certainly felt new and better than before, and then I started looking for the glimpses of happiness I felt in my journey. I tend to forget the time when I am interacting with my patients. I found learning in the clinics interactive and interesting. I was amazed by my seniors, who were always updated and helped us to learn too. I loved the community that I had for myself here. I actively shifted my perspective to focus on things that meant to me.

This perspective shift made me want to go back, I would say, for most of the mornings. Also, I became clear on what I needed: some time for myself and some life outside of this. Up until that time, I thought I didn’t have the time for it. But the truth is not that; it is that I didn’t have the proper boundaries to make that time. I started making time to explore and test new things in my life.

Whenever I feel weary with all the balancing work, I use the spotlight technique. This means focusing the spotlight in my head on the things that drive me in this field, on the things that I get to do when I finish this work, and on how I have made it through until now.

Though I had the options and opportunities to shift my path, I chose to stay. I was late to find my passions. Yet, I used it to carve out my “why” here. And I’m using it every day. I am unsure if I will change my course and do something new. But if I choose to make a transition, I want to have done my best in my profession until then.

This is my driving force to do my job.

What is yours?

Hi, I am Shanjitha. I write about the mental and emotional aspects of personal growth, self-management, books, and motherhood. If you like my stories, don’t want to miss them in the maze, and feel like supporting me, subscribe to my Substack newsletter for free. I write exclusive topics on healing and self-discovery. Also, I believe in growing together and am open to sharing your thoughts with me.