The Write Way Through Pain: 3 Proven Tactics for Success

No hostage situation approach.

When I discovered Medium and started writing on here, my strategy was simple- write what I know, make it as interesting as possible, and just hope that in time, I get recognized for the decent writer that I have become.

I have since revised my strategies because:

(A) Medium is a kind of echo chamber where to stand out, you need an approach that is beyond flinging things into a pit, hoping for something to stick

(B) I learned from more experienced writers here- you don’t just write, you write what you care about, and you write it consistently.

I seem to be carving out a niche for myself as some sort of abuse surviving writer. In a million years, this was not a niche I ever thought I would contribute to.

In fact, I thought to hide out because how in the world did a smart, ambitious fellow like myself put up with the level of abuse I did?

I did not choose trauma writing or abuse survival manual writing. I think this writing chose me. I, too, believe that to get on to whichever other kind of writing I thought I would be known for on Medium, I now believe that I need to get my pain out of the way first.

I chose today’s topic because every time someone says: “Hi Adaobi/Okwy, I read your story, and I am sorry for what you went through,”… I am always unsure how to respond.

I always wonder- too much? Did I dump too much on some poor soul, and all they have of me is this painful memory?

I just wanted to write… I just want to write. I have been writing since I can remember. I am not writing because I was abused. I am writing through abuse just like I wrote through other milestones in my life.

So too much? I hope not.

To help anchor my writings, I filter my titles and work through these 3 steps, which I hope you can find useful in your pain or healing journey.

1. Ensure there is a method to your ‘madness’: Pain can have you scattered all over the place. You start on an angle, and soon, the floodgates open, and you no longer know what is relevant and what should be left off.

Thing is- you must learn to be clinical in ‘killing your darlings’ no matter your pain. People are reading to learn something anyway. Don’t let the madness of pain dilute your lessons, so always stay the course.

What is the lesson here? If the goalpost has moved after the work, make sure the article and the title reflect that. No ifs or buts- sorry.

2. Be absolutely certain that every example you give magnifies your point. People can be sympathetic to your pain, but people aren’t your therapist. No trauma dumping for dumping sake.

No pain, Olympics for its sake. Make your point. Don’t use 7 different pain memories to make a single point where 2 memories will suffice.

3. Do not go ‘The Too Little Approach’ route: I have also seen a different kind of pain writing where the writer alludes to their pain or shame and leaves the burden on the reader to infer what it might be.

‘Use your imagination to recreate my writing’- the writer seems to say. When I see works like the above, I think of me. You see, it takes a lot of courage to unlock the door of pain, especially when you are desperate to move forward.

Somedays, I literally struggle to breathe through my memories so I can understand the writer who doesn’t want to unlock that pain.

However, if your work insinuates and leaves the work to your reader, they will get tired of chasing down their thoughts and tune you out.

Pain writing is brave writing. So go there- behind that door, take what you must and get on to a balanced, meaningful work.

Here someone will ask:

What if trauma writing pigeonholes you on Medium or any other platform?

This is a possible outcome- one possible outcome out of many. Writing from pain can get you locked into a particular niche, and though that wasn’t your intention, you become known for what you may not exactly be comfortable with.

As I said- I never started out on this path. However, I am on this path, and we must do our best work while we work through this path.

I think that is all anyone can do. Write and keep writing. Write until you exhaust your pain or gain insight beyond the pain.

Writing gives purpose- writing through pain, even more so. One of my recent pieces is on boundaries. I learned to hold firm to my boundaries through writing. The insight came from emptying out the pain through writing out my pain.

I do not want to be known always as a pain or trauma writer. But, maybe that is what you want to be known for-. It is up to you.

I want to write happy essays, informative pieces, sarcastic pieces too. I want to show different sides of myself. I think as writers, we need that boldness as we ‘become.’ I think you should not write pieces just because you do not want people to go- here she goes again.

Write from your heart. In time, the pathway will get wider and clearer, and when it does, you can decide for yourself what is best for you. Just never let anyone decide that for you or rush you to it.

Finally, I want to say this- in case you are an abuse survivor- writing is therapeutic for us. If pain dumping will help you heal, maybe keep at it- keep throwing it out into the world until you exhaust yourself, and maybe then you can begin to rebuild your writing. Whatever it may be-, you have all my love and respect.

Good-luck.

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