The Wound of Friendly Fire

Think back with me to 9th grade U.S. History. Easily one of the most boring classes as a student. Sitting there for 45 minutes learning about a bunch of dead people who, at the time, didn’t seem like they had any real signifigance on my life. As I’ve gotten older and more mature what once used to be something of torture has now become a fascination of mine. Often me and my roommates would turn on Netflix and go to the documentary section and binge watch shows until one of us(usually me) decides it’s too late to continue and passes out. There was always one subject in U.S. History that had me captivated though…WAR! I was hooked. There was just something about men going to face the bad guys to stand up and fight for their country and what they believed in. Standing in front of the opposition trying to take as little damage as possible while looking for the knockout blow. I remember daydreaming as a young boy about getting the chance to go to the front line with my fellow soldiers and defeat the bad guys. Then returning home to a hero’s welcome from the entire country. But what happens when you suffer a wound from war? Better yet, what happens when it’s from someone who is in the trenches with you? Someone who is supposed to be on your side fighting the enemy. Say a parent. Close friend. Spouse. Or someone you look up to.

What do you do, how are you supposed to react when it’s not the enemy who cripples you, but it’s someone on your side?

At different points in each of our lives we all go through it. For some, it’s happened at an early age with the betrayal of a relative. Others it may be more recent with friends gossipping about you. But the fact remains that at some point in our lives we’ve all been hurt by someone we care about. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s going to happen again. To everyone. It’s something we can’t escape. We’re all imperfect humans doing life together, and that’s something that I had to come to grips with within the past year. On a few different occasions I was hurt by some of the closest people in my life and I didn’t know how to react after that. It was a wound that cut deep. Not because of what was said and done to me, but because of WHO said and did it! If it was someone who I didn’t know or didn’t really have a good relationship with I couldn’t care less, but since it came from someone who was supposed to be on my side, be in the trenches with me, it had an entirely different sting. I’m sure if I asked you to think of someone close to you who has done something to hurt you recently, many of us could name someone within 3 seconds. And for some of us it may not even be something that was done recently, it may be something from months or years ago. An emotional wound that has been left untreated this entire time.

So what happens to an emotional wound that’s left untreated? First, let’s think about a physical wound. In the battlefield, soldiers know that if they suffer a wound their top priority becomes treating it and protecting it to avoid any further infection. Any wound that’s left untreated or unproteced is almost asking for an infection. Now lets translate that over to an emotional wound. If you’ve suffered any emotional pain, there’s a healing process that needs to take place just as there is for physical pain. But so many of us in life have left these wounds untreated. And from these untreated wounds bitterness, strife, jealousy, hatred, etc. all develop. Even right now I’m sure there are some of you that are actually thinking about somebody who has hurt you and caused you pain and you haven’t dealt with it. Pastor Billy Joe Daugherty was a hero of mine and I’ll never forget these two things I heard him say from the pulpit; “If you don’t get bitter, you’ll make it” and “bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. How many of us are walking through life with a bottle of poison constantly taking sips for what someone said to us last year, for the way a job made us feel, or for what our parents did to us growing up? And the worst part about it is many times, THE PERSON DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THEY’VE HURT US! Think about how crazy that sounds. That we’re upset with someone and they don’t even know they did anything to hurt us. I know i’ve dealt with this on both ends a few times in my life. One of the biggest tools I’ve found to help heal the wound of friendly fire is this, communication! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve confronted somebody who said something to me that stung a little only to find out that I misunderstood what they said or how they said it. But had I not communicated with that person I would’ve been left sipping on my poison every time I saw that person or heard their name. I know each wound that people deal with is different. And by no means am I trying to lump them all in the same catergory either. I know someone who’s been molested by a family member growing up is going to have a lot longer process of healing compared to someone who overheard their friends gossipping about them. But I think for any sized wound, some of the same steps can be taken to ensure healing. Acknowledging the fact that there is indeed a wound there and communicating your emotions caused by the wound I think are two things that are huge in beginning your healing process! My hope is that each of you reading these words would face any unforgiveness or bitterness that you have in your heart towards anyone, and that you would find the freedom that comes with throwing out that bottle of poison!

Much Love!