The Worst Toothpaste I Ever Tasted: Look for the Twist Ending!

Today, there are lots of different flavors out there. When I was a kid, we only got mint. That’s why one mysterious tube lured me to try it.

Unfortunately, as the clickbait articles say, there was a shocking twist!

Forbidden Fruit… I Mean Toothpaste

When I was a child, I discovered a new toothpaste flavor. Or did I?…

At the time, I shared a bathroom with both my parents. Dad had a tube that sat on the sink, right near the toothpaste. When I asked if I could use this mysterious toothpaste, he refused. So I knew it must be special.

Come on, folks! You know that’s just going to fuel the curiosity of a child.

And when children get a little older, they test their boundaries. “No” is not enough.

Surprise!

One day, my curiosity got the better of me. It was time to brush my teeth. Was it time to try out that special toothpaste? I peeked around the corner. No one was watching. This was my chance!

Not a good idea…

So I spread some of it on my toothbrush.

Bad idea…

And I started brushing my teeth.

This was the worst idea!

I don’t remember exactly what I said. It sounded something like, “Argh! Sputter! Blech! Ugh!”

My parents rushed into the bathroom. They were probably afraid I had just poisoned myself.

The Twist Ending!

As you might have guessed by now, that special toothpaste was not toothpaste. Not even close.

It was a hair cream called Brylcreem. With tasty ingredients like mineral oil and glyceryl stearate and beeswax. Like I said… “Argh! Sputter! Blech! Ugh!”

Most kids won’t recognize it, but Brylcreem was hugely popular at the time. Catch these vintage ads. Even their jingle was famous. And Brylcreem is still available today.

Lessons Learned?

Lessons learned? Listen to your parents. (OK, I didn’t always follow up on that lesson.) Also, not everything in a tube on the sink is toothpaste.

My father most likely learned to put his tube of Brylcreem on a higher shelf.

The Toothpastes of Today

Today, the world has gone beyond mint and mint. Some of the flavors are weird, and I love the variety. There are toothpaste flavors created for children, like bubble mint. Not to mention flavors you can find from vendors of natural toothpaste. Like Tom’s of Maine (https://www.tomsofmaine.com/) and Hello (https://www.hello-products.com/) and Davids, among others.

Fennel… Blueberry… Silly Strawberry… Cinnamint… Cinnamon Clove… Unicorn Sparkle… Watermelon.

Postscript

Years later, I tried out fennel toothpaste because it seemed trendy, and I was ready to try something different. Well. Uhm. Meh? It was better than Brylcreem. Next time, I’ll experiment with Unicorn Sparkle instead.

Also, next time you encounter someone mocking younger generations for doing stupid things, remember that those older folk probably tried brushing their teeth with Brylcreem, too.

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