The Worst Thing You Can Say When Dating Someone Jewish
I hung up on my girlfriend and never spoke to her again
During the global pandemic, I made a romantic connection with a woman living on the other side of the world. We met on Quora at a time when virtual connections became the only ones we could have.
I’m Jewish, but I’m not religious. A lot of people don’t know Judaism is more than just a religion. Even if I started going to church, I’d still be Jewish. I was born into it. It’s in my blood. Practicing or not, I’m still Jewish. We’re both a religion and an ethnicity.
Three things you should never say to a Jew
- Don’t call us the K word.
- Never use the phrase “Jew them down” or use jew as a verb.
- Fuck Hitler, fuck Nazis, fuck white antinationalism and fuck fascism. There’s nothing to debate.
I don’t mind Jewish jokes from my friends. You can call me a Jew. It’s not a slur.
I’ve never experienced racism but on a few occasions, someone has said something stupid to me. I correct them. Not everyone has had a Jewish friend growing up they can ask questions.
But I have no tolerance for intolerance.
My Australian girl
There was a space on Quora called Questions About Meth that I moderated. My hard drug days were over, but I had a lot of personal experience with drugs. My job was to moderate the content. Make sure what people posted to the space belonged.
At the beginning of COVID I started exchanging messages with another moderator. At first it was just a friendly back and forth about drugs. She lived in Australia; I lived in the United States. We were two lonely people with a common bond living on opposite sides of the world from each other.
First she sent a picture. She was a hot. Short blond hair, blue eyes, and a rocking body. I sent her a picture of me, and things went from there. We started calling each other on Skype and talked for hours. I dug her accent.
One day she asked me to be her boyfriend. Being in a committed relationship with someone who lived in another country I’d never met was before? It was madness. We were both in government ordered lockdown. What else did I have to do? Sure, I’ll be your boyfriend.
It was nice having someone to talk to while the world was falling apart. It would be at least a year for the restrictions to be lifted so we could meet in person.
My life story is crazy but hers was crazier. We talked for hours. Well, she talked for hours. I didn’t do speed anymore, but she did.
One day we were having a conversation and she mentions as matter of fact that her last boyfriend was a skinhead. She told me about the abuse she suffered from him over their years long relationship. He was violent and racist white nationalist.
White pride
Then came the biggest red flag I’ve ever encountered.
“You dated a skinhead knowing he was a bigot?” I asked.
“Yes.” she said without hesitation.
“Okay. Why did you date this dude?”
I expected some long story involving co-dependency, manipulation and police involvement. Instead, she said this.
“Hitler had some good ideas.”
Oh hell no. She kept talking but I stopped listening. I took the phone away from head for a moment. I was in disbelief.
She was still talking but I interrupted her.
“Got to go. Bye!” Click.
That was the last time I spoke to her. She called me a dozen times after that and kept calling every day.
There’s nothing she could do fix it. Didn’t want to be friends. It wasn’t a misunderstanding, it was ignorance. I was 100% done.
She had no one in Australia. We talked all day long for the first month of quarantine. Then I abandoned her. I felt bad for her and her situation but had no remorse.
You can’t say that to a Jew. Combo that with the skinhead ex and it’s a deal breaker. I never wanted to talk with her again.
The aftermath
I didn’t feel like airing my dirty laundry on Quora where we both were active, but I had to tell someone. I called my friend Jay and told him the story.
“…Then she says, Hitler had some good ideas,” I told him.
“The Volkswagen Beetle.” Jay says.
“Dude, shut up. You don’t tell a Jew Hitler had some good ideas.”
“Sure. I get it,” he says.
After I cut communications, she disappeared from Quora.
Love can transcend vast distances. Loneliness can kill. I’m sure she regrated saying that but there’s somethings you can’t take back.
I was raised in the Jewish community. In Hebrew school we learn our history. Fascism is our enemy. Less than 100 years ago they tried to exterminate us. We lived as refuges for thousands of years.
Jews are not being persecuted at this moment but all it takes is someone like Kanye West talking about a Jewish conspiracy and proudly declaring, “I like Hitler”
Powerful people blaming their problems on us is how it always starts.
I’ve never experienced what racism feels like firsthand. Hopefully I never will. She wasn’t the first person to say something ignorant to me and won’t be the last.
Hitler sucks.