The Worst Thing? These Horrors Are Real

What tortures me by day and keeps me up at night?

Daytime — the stuff of nightmares

Sometimes I feel it’s gone, but I know better. It’s there. It’s stalking me. Lurking somewhere just out of sight. If I concentrate, I cannot see it. But I feel it. It’s there to torture me by day.

It’s a slow creature. It fangs its teeth at the smallest provocation. And it prevents me from being productive. The mere thought of doing something active enrages it. It’s in my way immediately. It doesn't attack. It’s not very dangerous, but long-term exposure has damaged me.

As the sun sets and the moon rises, the creature slowly pulls back. And for a while, it’s gone. Everything is normal. An hour — two if I’m lucky — of bliss in my 24-hour cycle.

Nighttime — where dreams come true

Somewhere after dusk, a new horror makes its appearance gradually. I say horror, but it’s not ferocious, not even threatening. It seems benign even. Nevertheless, it hurts me.

This nightly beast is the opposite twin of its daytime brother. It doesn't stop me from doing things, it spurs me on. It pushes me to start new things. To play games, to write, to draw, to do whatever. I find myself starting a new megalomaniac project weekly if I allow the creature to come close. Granted, my nighttime activities are loads of fun and I actually finish some of the projects. Together, we have a blast.

At night, the monster and I realize my dreams.

Like Light and Shadow

I hate the daytime monster. I wish I could banish it from my life forever. As for the nighttime creature? He’s a devil in disguise. I must admit I like him. He can stay.

But the monsters are like light and shadow. One cannot exist without the other. Get rid of the one, you get rid of the other. Allow one to enter your life, you also get the second one. No boon without cost.

Remember the title of this story? These creatures are real. They exist. Maybe they have even visited you. Those visitors were not my monsters, but ones that have entered our realm especially for you.

I have named both monsters

I have named the monsters. Actually, I have given both the same name. They are mine. I have the right to name them anything I want, don’t I?

I have this thing that I don’t like being idle. I hate the idea that I am not doing anything while I could be productive. And, don’t ask me why, this also means I don’t like sleeping.

When it’s time to go to bed, a small voice in my head tells me that I can maybe do one more thing. Just one that takes only ten minutes. Can’t hurt, right? So, I do it and go to bed a little later than intended.

How does that hurt you? I think my current streak of doing just one more thing lasts a couple of months now. It’s rare for me to turn in before one o’clock at night. I effectively deprive myself from some well-needed sleep daily.

The next day I have trouble getting out of bed. And I act like anyone who has lacks a good night’s rest. The day starts slow, I am grouchy, I don’t feel like doing a lot of things, especially if they involve any physical strain on my poor tired body. In other words: it’s the daytime monster.

Somewhere after dinner, my body is jaded by the lack of sleep and finally realizes I am not about to hit the hay. Suddenly I feel energized again. After a day of doing as little as possible, I can finally do something! Who needs sleep anyway? Time to do something fun! You might call this the the nighttime monster.

And the cycle repeats. Get out of bed tired. And retire too late at night because I was tired. Get out of bed even more tired. And…

I know it. There’s no denying. I can’t blame anyone but me. I am the only one that is able to break the cycle. I have done it before, I can do it again. First I need to face my horror, my fear:

The creature is me.

I am the monster that keeps me up at night. I am the monster with the unsunny disposition by daytime. I love him and I hate him.

“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.”

— Friedrich Nietzscshe

The abyss is already gazing into me. It’s time for me to hunt monsters. Does Nietschze tell us how to effectively hunt yourself, though?

One of my projects would never have existed if it wasn’t for my nighttime monster. I created a Chrome extension that allows you to see which of your (and other people’s) story were Chosen for Further Distribution.

Download at your own risk. It might keep you up at night!