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. Forget apples and pacifiers. Daddy’s single-AF buddy knotted off a few “baby balloons” and left them in that pastel-decorated rain barrel! There’s only one thing left to do: have someone tie your hands behind your back, and go to town.</li><li><b>Guess the secretly-pregnant baby shower guest! </b>Nope, it’s not probably your college roomie who’s four-mimosas-and-a-THC-gummy deep. And it’s definitely not Grammy! <i>Does your sister look thicker around the midsection, or is it those Mom jeans?</i> Better ask her.</li><li><b>Co-ed naked Twister. </b>For a challenge, put a clothes pin on the genitals of any male guest who says the words “your hormones.”</li><li><b>Make a Play-doh Madonna-and-Child</b>. Duccio di Buoninsegna couldn’t have done it better himself. No<i>, </i>really<i></i>yours i

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s beautiful. It totally doesn’t look like a Mexican shot-glass figurine of a giant scrotum and a cactus in sunglasses.</li><li><b>Reuse an old Windex bottle to express “milk” into the mouth of the Dad-to-be.</b> Make him guess what the “milk” is. Is it cashew milk? Coconut juice? Evaporated bull semen from Jeremy Clarkson’s farm-to-table?</li><li><b>Make a three-generations TikTok dance. </b>Four if you count el bebé. Actually, this is kind of a cute idea. Go off, Granny, go off!</li></ol><p id="ce85">Join <a href="https://medium.com/@lindyvogel/membership">Lindy Vogel on Medium</a>, <a href="https://lindyvogel.medium.com/subscribe">subscribe</a>, and follow <a href="https://swearymommy.com/"><i>SwearyMommy.com</i></a> for more chances to dance to OutKast with the elderly.</p></article></body>

GOOD, CLEAN FUN

The Worst Baby Shower Games of All Time

They’re infantile in all the wrong ways

It’s all fun and games until Nana has too many mimosas and tells the story of how Uncle Jerry was conceived. (Photo by Kampus Production)
  1. Candy-bar-in-the-diaper roulette. Everyone loves melted Reese’s Peanut Butter cups and pretending to eat feces. But one unlucky player will get the diaper that’s filled with real dook. The last adult to cry-vomit wins.
  2. Bobbing for used condoms. Forget apples and pacifiers. Daddy’s single-AF buddy knotted off a few “baby balloons” and left them in that pastel-decorated rain barrel! There’s only one thing left to do: have someone tie your hands behind your back, and go to town.
  3. Guess the secretly-pregnant baby shower guest! Nope, it’s not probably your college roomie who’s four-mimosas-and-a-THC-gummy deep. And it’s definitely not Grammy! Does your sister look thicker around the midsection, or is it those Mom jeans? Better ask her.
  4. Co-ed naked Twister. For a challenge, put a clothes pin on the genitals of any male guest who says the words “your hormones.”
  5. Make a Play-doh Madonna-and-Child. Duccio di Buoninsegna couldn’t have done it better himself. No, reallyyours is beautiful. It totally doesn’t look like a Mexican shot-glass figurine of a giant scrotum and a cactus in sunglasses.
  6. Reuse an old Windex bottle to express “milk” into the mouth of the Dad-to-be. Make him guess what the “milk” is. Is it cashew milk? Coconut juice? Evaporated bull semen from Jeremy Clarkson’s farm-to-table?
  7. Make a three-generations TikTok dance. Four if you count el bebé. Actually, this is kind of a cute idea. Go off, Granny, go off!

Join Lindy Vogel on Medium, subscribe, and follow SwearyMommy.com for more chances to dance to OutKast with the elderly.

Humor
Raunchy Humor
Baby Shower Games
Pregnancy
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