The Worse Lies are the Lies We Tell Ourselves

I listened to the lies for far too long

I was living in a trailer in a trailer park with my uncle. After he died, I was living alone for the first time in my life. In no time at all I got lonely. I was in my fifties, and I decided I was going to have a social life.

The smart thing to do would have been to find a church to go to. I started answering personal ads. The fact that I worked up the nerve to do that is amazing.

I was a miserable fat kid

It started in grade school. I was diagnosed with Dyslexia, and I spent many years in Special Education. The fact that I was big for my age, and I had the worst case of acne in the history of teenagers didn’t help.

I believed in my heart, that I was fat and stupid. I never dated, because no girl would go out with a fat, stupid slug like me. I was in my fifties when I decided to break the chains.

I’m not the awkward slug I thought I was

I found out that I was lying to myself. I can be sociable. I can sit down and have a conversation with a woman and she won’t run away screaming.

There’s nothing wrong with me, I believed lies my whole life, and once I broke free, there was no stopping me. If you would have told me ten years ago, “ Lawson, you’re going to be happily married.” I would have laughed in your face, but here I am.

I had to be intentional

I had to change my way of thinking, and it wasn’t easy. I still struggle at times, but having a woman in my life that loves me unconditionally has done wonders.

Get out there, change the programming

I had to step out of my comfort zone, and I’m so glad I did that. My advice to the lonely people and the incels out there is, “ Get out there and meet someone. You’re not the loser you think you are.”

I missed out on so much because of bad programming in my brain. I shouldn’t have believed the lies, and neither should you.