The World Needs You to Open Up

Why wearing your heart on your sleeve is the best thing you can do

Have you ever watched an infant when he is denied something he wants? If your kid is anything like mine, he will shout, cry and throw a tantrum. As parents and guardians, society expects us to teach them to keep their emotions in check. But what if we are wrong? What if expressing our emotions openly is the key to a happier, healthier life?

This behavior of expressing our feelings and emotions openly is best encapsulated in the phrase ‘ to wear your heart on your sleeve’. Legend suggests that the phrase was coined from an ancient Roman story. Emperor Claudius II believed unmarried men made better soldiers, so he declared marriage illegal. As a concession, once a year, during a festival, men drew names to determine who would be their girlfriend for the coming year. Once established, the man was allowed to wear her name on his sleeve.

The problem

A study by the American Psychological Association highlights the massive social costs of emotional suppression by students on transition to college. Unsurprisingly, it explains that suppression was found to alter behavior in ways that were observable by others. In other words, suppression of emotions extended beyond the individual into the social field. This is a huge finding since it means that suppressing emotions prevent one from being likable and developing deep meaningful relationships.

Another paper found in the International Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research expands on the physical and mental health consequences of the repression of emotion. Individuals who suppressed their emotions were found to also suppress their body’s immunity, making them more vulnerable to a range of illnesses from colds to cancer. Repressing emotions is also found to give rise to stress-related physiological reactions. In the workplace, such stress could be detrimental, leading to increased heart rate, anxiety, and lower levels of commitment.

The solution

The obvious answer to this harmful cascade of events is to encourage individuals to open up and be vulnerable. Brene Brown, the famous TED speaker on vulnerability, explains that being vulnerable is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that, however, when you are terrified of what people think. A powerful excerpt from Elizabeth Gilbert’s book ‘Big Magic’ brings the harsh reality to light:

We all spend our 20s and 30s trying so hard to be perfect because we’re so worried what people will think of us. Then we get to our 40s and 50s and then we finally start to be free because we decide that we don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks of us.

In a world dominated by social media, this unhealthy fear of what others think is exceedingly prevalent. It is the reason many celebrities spend millions to produce images to show how wonderful their life is. Celebs like Britney Spears are rumored to spend around 16,000 per month on clothes.

Whenever I see pictures of celebrity mums on Facebook just after they have given birth, it shocks me to see the amount of effort they put into their makeup to show off to the world when inside they must be so tired and stressed.

Another key element in opening up and being vulnerable is the availability of a supportive environment that enables you to do that. One of my friends was always laughed at and mocked by his peers when he shared his thoughts. Guess what happened? He retreated into his shell and stopped talking. This is the beginning of a vicious cycle of depression and loneliness.

I recently read this worrying article which says that psychologists are turning away around 60 clients a month because they have no space to see them! This is mind-boggling, but it shows us that there are so many people out there who want to be heard but have no one to hear them. Sure, some need to see a professional, but can some of us be the ‘psychologist’ they are looking for?

What can you do with this knowledge?

If you are struggling alone with mental health issues

Learn to take yourself less seriously. Find at least one supportive person or group where you can share your thoughts openly. The worst thing you can do is retreat and wallow in self-pity. You are created for a purpose, and the world needs to hear your story.

If you know someone who is struggling with mental health issues

Create an environment where the person can open up to you without fear of judgment. One way to delay judgment is to use the 3-second rule. Whenever someone tells me something, I pause for 3seconds before answering. This gives me time to process what’s being said and look at it from the other person’s viewpoint before reacting. 3 seconds might not seem like a lot, but it does work.

In a national survey on mental health and coronavirus, it was found that the pandemic had affected 59% of people in the United States. This shows us more than ever how important it is to care for each other and take time to listen and share.

I will end with the conclusion of Passenger’s heartwarming song ‘Whisper’ which sums up an anxious person’s thoughts perfectly.

“Well, it’s hard to find a reason, when all you have is doubts Hard to see inside yourself when you can’t see your way out Hard to find an answer when the question won’t come out

Everyone’s filling me up with noise, I don't know what they are talking about

You see, all I need’s a whisper in a world that only shouts.”