The World Has Emily Dickinson Because of an Affair.

“That I shall love always, I argue thee that love is life, and life hath immortality.” Emily Dickinson.

Emily Dickinson is unquestionably one of the most famous English language poets in the world. Growing up, I heard the legendary story. She was a recluse who did not marry or have children. In fact, in her later years she never left her home. It was not until after her death that her writing and their brilliance were discovered.

Through the years I have read a number of her poems and was always touched by how powerful her words were. She was strangely able to catch the perfect emotion while using the most obscure language. What, of course, contributed to the true force of her verses was that she was such a mystery herself. One gets the feeling there were many layers to this peculiar woman.

But what if there were even more extraordinary details to the acclaimed poet’s story?

Oh yes, Patient Reader, grab a cup of coffee because you are going to want to absorb this story.

For the loyal readers that follow my affair stories, this article does not examine Phil and Kat’s story. I started writing about that couple’s experience here on Medium as a way to process my own affair through a different lens. I had always been engrossed by Phil and Kat’s eight year affair. I watched all the ups and downs being replayed over and over by the “other women” in our affair support group.

Sorry, Devoted Reader, to repeat a tired old line. But I do find it important to emphasize. It is not my intention to either glorify or condemn affairs. As in my humble experience, every situation is different and should be analyzed by the behaviors of up to three or four members (depending on if both parties are married). I write about affairs to understand and make sense of what had been a transformative yet heartbreaking time in my life.

How did I stumble upon this story? Well for starters if you, Inquisitive Reader, asked me a decade ago if I’d ever have an affair, I’d scoff. I never felt I was the type of person to have an affair. I have since learned that “type” has nothing to do with it.

I am a librarian by trade. This means that if I don’t understand something, I read, read, and read about the subject. It was so unlike me to become a mistress. I had to research other mistresses in history to try to see how they did it. How was she able to live a full and complete life while being in a relationship that society condemned? How did she cope with being in love with a man that had to make her a secret?

This was how I stumbled upon Mabel Loomis Todd.

Mabel was born in 1856 a time when a woman’s role was to marry and have children. Mabel kept journals her entire life and her thoughts about “housewifery” and parenting were at odds with what was expected of her. Although she was beautiful and could command a room, she wasn’t overrun with marriage proposals. It is speculated that her firm insistence that she be allowed the freedom to work on her passions of music, painting, and writing could have been a turn-off to wealthy men looking for a woman they could control.

At first, David Todd, seemed to be a good match. David had advanced degrees in astronomy. Mabel grew up with a father who, although he had no academic training, was nonetheless well-read and was a member of the National Academy of Science in Washington, DC. This was how Mabel met David. Her father worked for the Nautical Almanac office as a clerk. David came to the office to borrow a telescope while Mabel was visiting her father. David was immediately smitten.

I cannot begin to relay the fascination I have with Mabel. In her journals, she wrote of the boredom of housework and her disgust at how women would sacrifice their talents in the arts by putting what society expected of them first. But it was Mabel’s love of sex that made me grin when I read some of her journal passages. This woman even recorded how many times she orgasmed! Mabel saved everything. The museum archives have all her love letters from when she was dating David along with the ones that she exchanged with her married lover. Hold on, Intrigued Reader, we’ll get back to the married lover shortly.

In the letters that David wrote Mabel when he was courting her, he hints at a “dark side.” What eventually came out was that David was a philanderer. The researchers are not quite sure as to when Mabel discovered this side of David. Was it when they were dating or when they actually married? It is conjecture on my part but it appears that David wanted the concept of an open marriage during a time when this was unfathomable in 19th-century society. However, it seems from Mabel’s journal entries that she was well aware of David’s “outside interests”. She only wrote about anger if she felt the woman was beneath her and David’s social class.

David was offered a position as an Astronomy Professor at Amherst College. He and Mabel moved to Amherst, Massachusetts from Washington D.C. The Dickinson family were pillars of the Amherst community. Austin Dickinson was a lawyer and served as treasurer of Amherst College. He was also the brother of Emily Dickinson.

Austin’s marriage to Susan was ripe for an affair. Although Austin courted Susan, she was one of Emily’s best friends. Emily pleaded with Sue to marry Austin so that they could be “sisters”. Susan was an orphan and living in hard times. Perhaps she married out of necessity. After all, the Dickinson family was a step up in social class for her. Regardless, Sue saw a lot of death in her family and was frightened at the idea of childbirth. Consequently, she postponed the engagement for almost three years. Through letters from Austin to Sue, he hints at her “sexual fear”. Emily had one time written to Sue that she understood that Sue’s thoughts of men turned her to stone.

Whether it was years of no desire or sexual intimacy in Austin’s life, the reserved man fell in love with 26-year-old Mabel Todd. Because of David Todd’s openness to having sexual partners outside of marriage, Mabel had the freedom to meet with Austin. In fact, David was very fond of Austin and supported Mabel and Austin’s relationship. On the other side, however, Austin had to hide this affair from Sue.

Austin’s home was a short walk through the backyard of the Dickinson family home where his two sisters, Emily and Lavinia still lived. It was there at the Homestead (The Dickinson Family home) that Austin met Mabel for many sexual trysts. Both Lavinia and Emily were complicit in their brother’s affair with Mrs. Todd. It was surmised that the Dickinson sisters became reliant on Austin when their parents passed away. Austin took care of all the details of their finances and the paying of the bills. Although Emily didn’t leave her room and therefore, never met Mrs. Todd personally. Lavinia, on the other hand, was reported as being charmed by Mabel and loyal to her brother.

The love letters that passed between Mabel and Austin were published in 1984. Lavinia was the messenger that delivered their letters back and forth. The correspondence during this 13-year affair showed the tension and strain of the secret double life. Yet the letters also contained the true magnitude of their feelings for each other.

Austin to Mabel (1883), “…my beloved and my own, soul of my soul, and life of my life, rest assured of everything that I am, can say, or think, or do, or be…all are yours. And my business must be to keep the white heat which engulfs my being from flaming in the surface.”

Yes, Mesmerized Reader, I was fanning myself while reading more than one of these letters.

When Emily died in 1886, Lavinia found a drawer full of Emily’s poems. Lavinia wanted to have Emily’s poems published. However, this proved to be an overwhelming and discouraging task. During Emily’s lifetime, only ten of her poems were formally published. In this drawer, Lavinia discovered 1800 poems. Lavinia was unschooled in the ways of the literary world and wanted her sister’s words published.

Lavinia first went to Austin’s wife, Sue, to see if she could help get the poems published. Emily often sent her poems to Sue and it was said that Sue supported Emily’s writing. To add to it, Sue was an aspiring writer herself who learned years ago, that it was a difficult area for women to try to break into. Sue said she’d consider but then she delayed so long, Lavinia turned to Mabel Loomis Todd.

Mabel immediately recognized the genius that was in Emily’s poetry. She spent countless weeks copying, editing, and typing Emily’s poems on a typewriter. This was slow and tedious work as the typewriters of the time had only capitals and had to be operated by rotating a letter in place and pressing down. The initial editing phase took Mabel over two years to complete.

Initially, publishers were put off by Emily’s unconventional poetic form. But Mabel believed in Emily’s brilliance. As the editing progressed and a publisher was finally found who agreed to a trial run, Mabel threw in her skills of charisma and public speaking. Mabel set out on her own marketing campaign. She went out on the lecture circuit to build curiosity and appeal to Emily’s unusual way with words. Mabel understood even then that she would have to build excitement for Emily’s work.

Mabel’s hard work paid off and much to the surprise of the publisher, Emily’s first volume of poetry sold out. Mabel may not have been Lavinia’s first choice but Mabel became Emily’s most devoted champion of an editor.

Did Mabel agree to this monumental project to impress her lover? Or to keep him in her clutches? Some researchers believe that Mabel took on this task mainly out of kindness to Lavinia. However, Mabel does note in her journals that she wanted to be even more involved in Austin’s life. During the initial editing process was when Mabel confessed how trying the many years of being an “other woman” were weighing heavily on her. It was during this time that those feelings of “he isn’t going to ever leave his wife.” were coming to the forefront.

Yes, Wise Reader, an age-old lesson that every mistress will eventually face. How very timeless indeed.

With her own love of writing along with the strong passion she felt for Austin, Mabel continued with this daunting project as she found much inspiration and comfort in Emily’s words.

Mabel to Austin (1882) “You are all that I have to live for…All that I want to love. All that the whole world holds for me of faith in a world above. You came and it seemed too mighty for my human heart to hold.”