The World Can Wait for the Single Woman

We need a moment to rest

Single ladies of the world, drop everything. Yes, everything.

Put down that cell phone. The hammer. The basket of laundry. The power bar that’s supposed to substitute for a nourishing lunch.

Get into bed and lie down. Forget it all. Rest.

I know what you’re going to say. You can’t do it. You literally cannot do it. You are the only one on duty.

Who is going to pick up your father’s medication? Who is going to order a new pair of shoes for Junior, whose big toe is popping out of the top of his latest pair yet again? Who is going to write the mortgage check? For god’s sake, who is going to cook dinner?

We all know the answer to those questions. We all know exactly who is going to do everything. Yeah, you. Us. There is no one else.

But tomorrow. We will do it tomorrow.

Because sometimes…the world just needs to wait.

There is a truth about single life that our culture doesn’t acknowledge. We have to carry the entire weight of the challenges of our lives all by ourselves.

While that might seem like an eye-rollingly obvious duh to those who are partnered, this is actually incredibly, gruelingly hard.

A single person doesn’t have a backup — not anywhere, not ever. There’s no safety net. There’s no emotional support. There’s no extra hand. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. There’s no warm embrace to sink into at night.

We are on our own.

When I get sick, there’s no one to run to the store for me to pick up soup and ginger ale. And even if I’m well-supplied at home (which thankfully, I usually am), I often don’t have the strength or capability of doing anything more strenuous than popping leftovers in the microwave while bent over at the waist.

There’s no one here to help remind me of deadlines. No one who can balance the accounts every other month so I can have a break. No one to call and inquire about that overcharge when I’m so busy I cannot make room for even one more “to-do” on my list.

When something goes wrong at home that is beyond my skill set, I have to drop everything and call in a professional. If it’s after hours, I have to call my brother and hope he’ll come. No matter how much I learn about home maintenance, there is always more than I can cover on my own.

Single women are typically the most relied upon demographic when it comes to parental caregiving. And many single women have children of their own, as well. We don’t have anyone to give care to us at home, but we are always caregiving for others.

Every bill, every responsibility comes down onto one pair of shoulders. We bring home our own bacon. There is no option to fail or come up short. We have to cover every penny all by ourselves. If that means working on the weekends, so be it.

And at the end of these endlessly long days, we face all the daily messes and obligations all by ourselves: the dirty laundry that’s piling up, the dinner dishes that need to be washed, the piles of clutter in the living room, the floor that hasn’t been vacuumed in two weeks… Sometimes, there just aren’t enough hours in the day and the dirty laundry piles turn into mountains, the clutter multiples, and everything becomes so overwhelming, just looking at it gives us a tension headache.

It is a lot to carry with just two hands.

In my recent efforts to expand my income streams, I’ve been working harder and longer than I have since I left my last job, one that ran me into the ground. There seems to be a level of grind I have to achieve to build these structures before they start to become profitable.

And I am exhausted in ways I can hardly begin to describe. After two years of being mostly alone, thanks to the pandemic, having endured a bout of Covid all by myself, taking care of all the ups and downs with my house, and trying to help both of my ailing parents, I often feel like a dried out husk. Sometimes, the constant action, the never-ending to-do lists, and the lack of a partner’s support feels like the juice has been sucked right out of my body.

But resting? Stopping? Lying down?

Taking a daily nap often induces so much guilt that I’ll go to bed later to make up for it.

Taking a Saturday off to rest and recuperate feels downright criminal.

But I’m going to persevere and try to make that a regular practice. And I wish all single women would do the same.

Because goddammit, we need it.

Remember that long list of questions that we all ask ourselves every time we convince ourselves to shut up and keep going, no matter how exhausted we are? The questions like Who is going to take the car in to get the tires rotated? and Who is going to call the plumber to get that leaky faucet fixed?

Since we have always known the answer to those questions, let’s ask a few new ones.

Who is going to massage your feet at night? Who is going to make you a delicious, indulgent meal? Who is going to watch your favorite TV show with you? Who is going to cuddle up next to you? Who is going to make sure you’re comfortable and happy? Who is going make sure you go to bed at a decent hour?

No, not “no one.” The answer to these questions is the same as the answer to the previous questions.

You.

Yes, we are on our own. We have to take care of everything in our lives — everything. So why doesn’t that translate to self-care, too?

I get it. We’ve been taught to think of self-care as indulgence. As something to do when we have time. (And we never have time.)

But there is no one in more need of care in our lives than ourselves. If we had a partner, we’d be giving them as much help as they’d be giving us. So why wouldn’t we do the same when we are our own partners? Give to ourselves so we can keep up the high level of output we have to maintain just to get through each day?

I’m learning that sometimes, the world just has to wait. Yes, it has to wait a little longer for the single gals. We don’t have backup. We don’t have extras. We don’t have that little bit of grace.

So we will make it. Hell, maybe we’ll have to take it.

I’ll start. See you tomorrow, because I’m going to spend the rest of the day in bed.

© Yael Wolfe 2022

Yael Wolfe is a writer, photographer, and creator of Howl. You can find more of her work at yaelwolfe.com.

More on single life: