#24:|FRIENDSHIP|MEDIUM|ENGAGEMENT|LOVE|LETTERS|

The Woolly Mammoth Princess

Replying to Letter #23 to James Edward Young’s “Do I Look Like Elvis?

Where grand gestures are reserved for romantic relationships, one man decided to break the mold and take his friendship to the next level.

On bended knee, Medium author James Edward Young proposed a bond of friendship. To seal this bond, we would write to each other on this platform.

I hope you can stop by and spend some time reading our letters. I am not quite sure if our life stories are your cup of tea; however, I am sure you will bust out a giggle, fall to the floor and laugh out loud, fart, pee on yourself, have a stomach ache from laughing or, like me, often cry with tears of joy.

Who knows?

Maybe, just maybe, the world will witness more friendship proposals on bended knee-and a whole lot of love.

A link will be provided below for all other past letters between James and Love.

We hope you enjoy this unique journey!

Letter #23 Replying to James Edward Young

Dear James,

Good afternoon James. What a surprise to see Elvis’ picture!!! My mom and I had a crush on Elvis you know!

I am not so sure you look like Elvis? I am sure if you told everyone you do look like him, you will have a fan club with a line out your door to see you. But those were good times, my friend. And you made up this wonderful story about me and the Woolly Mammoth from the Ice Age, from 12–4,000 years ago.

Here’s what you wrote:

Whenever people see how much I look like Elvis, they just automatically start making assumptions. Being a “stone fox” is not without problems. Oh, the humanity……………………….. Let me confess something you.. I’d just got through trying to do number 23 in another place . I let my brain tell me what I’m going to write about today. Now, I know it’s Christmas and people are trying to be happy and laugh and shove cannolis in their lovely face……(GEN))……………………….lol lol lol lol………..

HAHAHA. Yes I cannot have Christmas goodies anymore after reading your letters.

I love Elvis! My mom did get to bump into him at Hawaii’s Liberty House. She said he was more good-looking in person than in the pictures. OMG, I asked her why she didn’t start dating him!!! She said she was just 17 and was a make-up counter cashier at Liberty House and he used to shop for clothes there. I am sure you can be anyone you feel you are. I am sure you are far more than any Elvis, James.

Then you wrote:

My heart told me to write about something that I never touched on before. It’s a girl named Pauline who I went steady with right after I broke up with my ex-wife. You gave me permission to talk about love in my life. I wrote it all out about Pauline and I was crying so much that I decided that maybe it wasn’t quite the right thing to post on Christmas Eve. Everybody is supposed to be drunk and happy and here I am dragging folks down talking about lost love. Way to be a negative Nelly. I will tell you all about it, the day after Christmas, when I have carte blanche to make you cry your ass off. Nobody cares if you screw up New Year’s. You’re going to be drunk out of your gourd anyway and you will not remember a thing. Here’s a little poem I learned in college. It applies to New Years parties .

He is not drunk who from the floor can rise again to drink once more but he is drunk who prostrate lies and cannot drink and cannot rise

I wrote about Pauline from my heart and this is the first time I have ever talked about her . Than, I remembered what you and I talked about. We decided , let’s not talk about things that might tend to make people feel sad this time of the year. It’s Christmas time and it’s such a wonderful reason to do things that you haven’t done all year long. Fun things all centered around celebration. It just feels good inside of you. I’m looking forward to making baked beans today to eat on Christmas day. It’s going to have ham in it and brown sugar and kidney beans and then on top will be sprinkled some bacon to make it even more ludicrous. I don’t believe in eating unhealthy foods , but it’s Christmas and I have just as much right to go to the ER as the next guy. — — Cinnamon rolls, marzipan, limburger cheese with stinky tofu, oh my . Now I’m thinking that this doesn’t sound appetizing at all. I seriously think I’ll just take a little taste of these things to be polite, but I’m not going to eat like this and next thing I try to take off 20 pounds in January. And all the saturated fat I’m eating, I’m sure is doing my heart a world of good — NOT………..

That’s a funny poem. I am sure you have many funny stories to tell about the days with your buddies.

Why not talk about Pauline, James? It’s ok; it’s better to go through the memories of pain. Now that it's New Year’s, you can definitely keep the good memories and let go of the not-so-good ones. Our loved ones will always be in our hearts.

Wow, baked beans? Let Joan know she needs to stay in another room for the night, as you might be farting all night after your baked bean casserole! James, do you also add mustard to your baked beans recipe? I have been curious. So some ham, bacon, and what about your sauce? Do you cook the beans from scratch, soak them for 24 hours, then pressure cook them? I would love to know your recipe, as this may have been passed on from generation to generation, huh?

Well, I am happy for you. I hope your baked bean casserole turns out really good. Joan, watch out for those farts!!! They will not be pleasant.

Then you wrote:

I know what I’m getting for Christmas love, because Santa told me. I’m getting a grill. I don’t care what anybody says if they are going to be negative. I will only listen to positive things being said about my grill. It’s an upper and a lower and it has diamonds. That’s right — I am bad ass. I will send you a picture of me with my new grill. You will see me as I am today. Big as life and twice as ugly and proud of it with my new grill……

I want to see pictures of that grill, man! Badass!

James, Check out this post from René Beauchemin - [he/him], I’d like to introduce you both so you get to see what René is doing during his retirement., he is also showcasing his grill here.

James, you wrote:

Please send me your photograph love. I know you won’t, and I know you think your reason is good. But, just relax Love, I just want see what my dear sweet friend looks like. It’s okay if you want to tease me and torment me for a long time over your pic , because I enjoy that too. I’ve seen you as a little girl and I’ve seen your artistic rendition of yourself. But now you are being, I hate to say it, a woman, oh no. Every woman says, you can never ever look at my face. You don’t know what I have to go through to take a picture of Joan. Her friend Gabriel would never ever allow her photograph to be taken. We both love Gabriel and not one photo of her survives . I think that is so shitty and it makes me mad. I think Western culture is so weird. It’s like there’s an unwritten law that photographs need to be as a lie. You must dress up and put on makeup and false eyelashes and smear lipstick all over your face and for sure you must look like Marilyn Monroe. People that don’t look like Marilyn Monroe or Elvis Presley should never allow their photographs to be taken. Life is a beauty contest and if you don’t have what it takes, then get out of town . Forget the fact that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Forget that whoever views this photograph is seeing something that means a lot to them and it’s anything but some kind of weird beauty contest. I take pictures love. I’ve taken photographs all my life and I really enjoy taking portrait photographs. I love honesty in photographs. I like a photograph that says who you are. The big fake smile thing is a turnoff for me. Not that people can’t smile in a photograph, but it isn’t really necessary. I am totally in love with Marilyn Monroe and I have been since I was a little kid and saw her in the movie Niagara. I like every picture of her but I especially like the ones where she’s just Marilyn with no makeup and no fancy clothes, just her., with wrinkles and all . I love photographs of people just being natural just like in poetry, I look for honesty in photographs and in people’s expressions. When a person tells everything they can about themselves and is topped off with a photograph of them just honestly being themselves, that is so beautiful to me.

James, I do have my photographs in some of my posts, you just got to find them. Now, Marilyn Monroe? Wow. She would be beautiful now and think about Princess Grace Kelly and Princess Diane, all so beautiful but who lost their lives while so young.

Then you wrote a story about me and the Woolly Mammoth.

You look at your pitiful spear and you think, could I really take down a woolly mammoth with this twig.

Dude, of course I’m playing here with you. I was about to say that you have a strong heart. And then I thought to myself, that’s not make-believe. You really do have a strong heart and I’m so proud of you. Back to business.

He turns and sees you and his eyes are red. You both know that this is going to be a fight to the death . He comes charging at you. This 20 ton woolly beast is thundering your way at eleventy miles an hour. You take your spear made of the strongest hickory. You know the log that I just sent you. It’s more than a twig. This is a small tree that you are barely able to carry but you knew you would need it. You brace the bottom of your spear against a boulder as the beast thunders toward you. Just as he was in exactly the right position you raise your pointed spear up so that his forward momentum plunges the spear deep into his heart. So deep, the spear comes out the other end, sort of like a poopy shishkabob . . Even though his heart has been destroyed it takes 30 seconds of the beast thrashing around before he finally succumbs to your power. You want to put 1 foot on the animal that you just killed as if to defiantly say, I won . The only thing is you’re going to need a ladder to climb up on top of the beast to do that. Now, you break up your spear and make a fire and began roast and eat his heart and his backstrap. You’re getting kind of tired, so with your razor-sharp K bar military knife, , you remove all of the guts of the mastodon woolly mother of a beast, so you can crawl inside the animal’s hollowed out carcass and get a great night sleep inside of a nice warm bed of woolly mammoth. He so huge he could probably keep you warm for a week I wrote the whole thing out from my heart and then I remembered what you and I talked about. Let’s not talk about things that might tend to make people feel sad this time of the year. Murdering this creature might make people sad . …………Let’s just go to McDonald’s or something .

Love the story you wrote for me, love it!!! I thought of the story line and thought about this picture. I couldn’t quite get the Woolly Mammoth to work with me with a time constraint but I will work on the image and we can write this story together. Instead of killing Woolly, I befriended him and now I am part of the Mammoth tribe. Unless you want something else we both can write about in 2024.

Then you wrote:

I know what I’m getting for Christmas love, because Santa told me. I’m getting a grill. I don’t care what anybody says if they are going to be negative. I will only listen to positive things being said about my grill. It’s an upper and a lower and it has diamonds. That’s right — I am bad ass. I will send you a picture of me

I would love to see you play with your new toy grill. So what are you thinking of having for this new grill? Grilled asparagus sounds good, oh salmon on the grill is heavenly.

Till Letter #23, which I now see James!!! Whoah, you’re kicking my buttteee!!! No worries, I’ve got something special I wrote for you!

Peace out, James. Have a great Christmas and New Year’s holiday, my friend.

Our previous letters: James Edward Young and Love