The Willingness to Take Risks and Crack Myself Open for Love
A journal entry that explores the answer of how much
Do you willingly take risks, knowing you might fail regarding matters of love?
This was a writing prompt from Riku Arikiri that really made me ponder my own willingness. Nothing great comes from not being willing to take important risks. However, I’m more of a calculated risk-taker. I’ve been burned by love more times than I’d like to count.
Each time I’m burned, I step back. I choose to go into a semi-isolation and work on myself. I won’t pursue the issue further if the person I love isn’t feeling it.
That takes a toll on me. It builds bricks into a wall that prevents anyone else from getting close to me.
To heal though, it’s required to keep opening yourself. To take another chance. To disolve the bricks one by one.
The human heart is resilient. It will allow you to take another chance. You must take time to heal it first, but it will always be willing to risk if the right opportunity presents itself.
Risking for Romantic Love
Taking chances is scary but there is something that should you far more than anything; missing out on something truly wonderful because you were scared. — Katherine Matheson
You don’t know what will happen when you allow yourself to give someone else a chance. It was only after the worst one-sided soul bind that I’ve experienced that I met the love of my life.
I spent three years working on myself and learning that yes, I am okay and complete by myself. I had to learn that I would be okay financially, emotionally and spiritually.
I had to pour ointment on the wounds that were caused by the past. I had to go through a process until I knew that I was ready to chance again if the opportunity presented itself.
When I started dating my now husband, I was okay if he needed to be released. I knew that any time with him was a gift. That every stare, smile, laugh and comment were worth the risk.
It was the way he made me feel, like I was worth the world to him. I knew it was okay to risk hurt because I didn’t want to miss something out of fear.
For the first three months of our relationship, I lived with an open hand. If he was meant for me, I would love and accept. If he was just meant to remind me that other good guys existed, I was ready to let him go. Until COVID set in and we became closer than ever, marrying 7 months later.
Yes, I got the guy but only because I was willing to risk. I was willing to risk being cut wide open again. I was ready with the balm if needed, the whole time asking for a miracle.
Risking for Love of Friendship
Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. — Elie Wiesel
For me, love of friends is harder. Friends can hurt you by making promises they don’t or can’t keep. They can tell you they’ll be there and then abandon ship when the waves get rocky.
It takes a discerning heart to realize what friends are worth keeping and which ones are just casual acquaintences.
This is also the area that I struggle with. I know that my husband can’t be my only source of light. That I need more lights in my life.
However, I push people away with insecurity. The brick was is harder to penetrate, to the point where people have to almost prove themselves to get close to me.
Many times that I do open myself, it lasts for a few years. Then people become memories tattooed on my heart. I would have given the world for them, and they chose another path when it presented itself.
However, there are a few that I let close to me. There are the ones who have already seen the worst of me. They are the ones that have withstood years of friendship. I’d rather have good friends in a small quantity than a large group of so-so friends. The ones that choose to stay are the friendships that I nurture.
It’s something that I need to work on. It’s something that I need to take more risks with. Small, measured risks like asking more people for a lunch or just to drive around and be with each other. It’s an area I know that I am willing to open up.
Risks for Love of Yourself
If we want to live a miraculous life, we must raise the volume on the loving voice within us and then turn down the volume of our fear — Gabrielle Bernstein.
This is an on-going project. There are things that your soul longs for, but you dismiss them because they seem too impossible.
Those are the things that require you to let love drown out fear. You have to raise the vibration.
Will it always work out just the way you hoped? Unfortunately no. However, it is more important to honor the things you know are good for your soul.
It’s easy for me to go places by myself, write reflective things that let me see the heart. It takes work to go after the things that my soul is passionate about. The things that scare you just thinking about.
Think of it as a building process. You challenge yourself to do something small. You succeed. You make a small promise to yourself and you keep it. You build a larger promise or challenge. Succeed again. Repeat process. If you fall, don’t give up, just keep trying.
Let yourself be open to loving yourself enough to try. Aim for your biggest dreams. It’s hard, but pick yourself up when you fail. Try it again, giving yourself more grace. You’ll learn to take bigger risks.
Final Thoughts
There are so many ways to risk for love, and many types of love and relationship. It doesn’t always work out but you always learn.
If you’re willing to stay open, you will eventually find your tribe. There is no guarantee that you will get married, but I honestly believe that everyone who has the desire to get married has that for a reason.
Self-love can be the hardest and takes the most amount of work. However, tuning out fear and building love for yourself is vital for living a much better life. Risk is scary, but it’s worth it: it teaches you or builds for you.