The Wild Photocopier

Summary

The article "The Wild Photocopier" recounts an unexpected encounter with an injured photocopier by the roadside, emphasizing the need for responsible disposal of electronic equipment and the protection of wildlife habitats.

Abstract

The author describes a surprising discovery made while traveling to or from tennis practice along a quiet country road. Instead of the usual wildlife, they find an abandoned and injured gray photocopier in the wild, a sight rarely seen outside of office environments. The discovery evokes a mix of emotions, including shock and anger, as the author reflects on the irresponsibility of discarding such machines in nature. They urge readers to report any sightings of stranded copiers to the Copy Machine Protection League to prevent them from ending up in the wild, where their chances of survival are nil. The article concludes with a passionate plea for the protection of nature and responsible waste management, suggesting severe punishment for those who treat natural spaces as dumping grounds.

Opinions

The author expresses a strong belief that abandoning electronic equipment, such as photocopiers, in natural settings is unacceptable and indicative of a broader disrespect for the environment.
There is an underlying assumption that electronic equipment, particularly copiers, should be afforded a level of protection and consideration similar to that of wildlife.
The article conveys a sense of urgency and responsibility in readers to take action by reporting any abandoned copiers they encounter, highlighting the importance of individual contributions to environmental preservation.
The author's anger towards those who discard waste irresponsibly suggests a conviction that such actions are not only harmful to the environment but also a form of social irresponsibility that merits strict legal consequences.

Don’t take things lightly, folks

Something quite unexpected often happens when I go to or from my tennis practice. The distance between my apartment and my club is 11 kilometers. It’s a small country road that doesn’t get much traffic, and it gets even less when I drive on it on Tuesday nights between 8pm and 11pm, the time when I’m hitting the ball and thinking about Federer’s retirement.

This time I didn’t come across any spinning foxes in the night, but I did come across another animal that we are even less used to seeing in the wild. It was on my way out of my house, about a mile outside my town. I was in full headlight because it was dark and I was alone on the road. As I prepared to turn right to go along a small pond in the middle of a small wood, I caught it in my headlights. Full face. I immediately switched back to low beam to avoid dazzling it too much.

At the corner of the wood, at a place where cars often stop to take a break and give nature the finger, there it was, slumped on the muddy ground, hurt. A gray photocopier. I don’t remember ever seeing one in the wild, or maybe it was a long time ago. Most gray copiers live in captivity in companies, but few still live in the wild in total freedom.

I was in shock, in a state of surprise and rage. How can you still leave a professional copier to die on the side of the road? If I had a truck with a trailer, I would have taken care of it.

Please, if you ever come across an injured copier in the wild, take a picture of it and email me. I am in contact with the Copy Machine Protection League. It is important to prevent captive copiers from ending up in the wild at all costs. They are not made to live in the wild and their chance of survival on the roadside is zero. By reporting them, you are not only doing something for the copy machines, but also for the preservation of nature.

What this story didn’t tell you: a few minutes later, I hit super-powered straight punches imagining hitting the head of whoever left the copier at the edge of the woods, as if nature was an open-air dump. People who empty their garbage cans on the side of the road should be jailed for life. And please excuse me for the owl photo, but I couldn’t find a photo of a photocopier in the wild.