The Weird Shit This Trans Man Has Done to Avoid Misgendering
I carried a ladder around a store to feel like a manly man while asking about paint supplies
Up until last weekend, the weirdest thing I’d ever done to prevent misgendering was to eat cheesy things very early in the morning before making a series of phone calls for work. That was a daily practice at my previous job before ever getting on Testosterone to make me sound more like a man to others. I consider this to have been a bizarre chapter in my social gender transition.
Thanks to the combination of early morning voice huskiness from being tired and the slight lowering of my voice caused by copious consumption of milk products, I sounded just a little more manly for a while in the mornings. I’d get all of my work calls done before 10am, giving me a much better “sir” to “ma’am” and “dude” to “lady” ratio than anything I could do later in the day. I actually got misgendered over the phone far less during this time period than I do now after a year on Testosterone.
I found out quickly that the groggier I was, the better. I stopped hitting the snooze button on my alarm. I made no effort to shake off my tiredness. I was working from home during part of this time period, so I didn’t need to be super functional to drive anywhere. I had everything I needed to say memorized, so I could basically say it all in my sleep anyway. My best success was with eating flan for breakfast. That caramel syrup and milky egg combination made my tired voice sound super dude-like.
I actually got misgendered over the phone far less during this time period than I do now after a year on Testosterone.
I basically did everything you shouldn’t do for a singing audition. A lot of thought went into this silly strategy, but it was worth the effort to hear the occasional middle-aged guy say, “Thanks, man!” I now use the opposite strategy for a handful of situations where I have to try and hide the fact that I’m medically transitioning. Those phone calls now happen later in the day, when I’m wide awake and I avoid all milk products before them.
Last weekend, I did something weirder to get gendered correctly.
It wasn’t intentional…at first. I had decided to paint part of our ceiling to cover up a relatively small imperfection. Instead of paying a professional to do this, I went to Lowes Home Improvement to buy a large ladder, goggles, a sander, and some paint supplies. It probably would have been cheaper to just pay someone, but I wanted to feel like a manly man.
First, I was going to buy the ladder and bring it to my car. As I was carrying it through the store, I kept remembering questions about paint that I’d been meaning to ask employees. As I stopped to ask people these questions, I quickly noticed that carrying a 6-foot ladder automatically made people read me as a man.
I quickly noticed that carrying a 6 foot ladder automatically made people read me as a man.
Seriously, I didn’t get misgendered once! I started asking all of my questions about where things were located and what I needed to buy while carrying the ladder. I tried to memorize the answers, so I wouldn’t have to ask again later without my giant gender-affirming prop. I also got lots of good weight lifting exercises while doing this. I kept imagining that this gender euphoria moment would help broaden my shoulders even more!
I finally got all of the supplies I needed and went home. Loosely following the advice of a YouTuber who probably doesn’t want me to credit him, I covered the floor in serial killer tarp and put on my gloves and goggles. I went to the top of the ladder and sanded far too much of the imperfection away using a little hand-sander and a bit more elbow grease than I realized I had going for me.
Figuring this was good enough, I pried open the ancient-looking plastic paint container with a faded duct tape label spelling out “ceiling” in pencil. Then, I mixed the paint with a wooden stick, until I couldn’t see an inch of clear watery stuff on top anymore. I dipped in the sponge paint-roller doohickey and spread the paint into a plastic official-looking paint spreader container.
I covered the floor in serial killer tarp and put on my gloves and goggles.
The old paint chipped off as I rolled the new paint over the sanded bits. I figured I could flatten the paint chips by rubbing hard enough with the sponge thingy. That was not the case. It turned out my sanding game had been terrible. I don’t have a “before” picture of the imperfection, but assure you that it looks much worse now.
All of this was still a great experience for me! It felt wonderful to get gendered correctly while carrying a large ladder around in Lowes Home Improvement, as I asked employees lots of ridiculous questions about paint.
Have you ever done anything really weird to affirm your gender?
Feel free to answer whether you are transgender or not! I know we have all participated in weird gender performances at some point in our lives, whether we like to admit it or not.
*A special thank you to KP_the_writer for encouraging me to write this and for inspiring the title. Check out their work as well!
Has this writing made you decide it’s worth $5/month to binge-read my work because it’s cheaper than Netflix? If so, click on the link below to join Medium in my name: