The Way Things Are Probably Going To Be

Whether it’s good or bad — happy, regretful, exhilarating, or peaceful or anything else — tomorrow is bound to turn out a certain way.

We can choose anything at any moment, but our options are limited. Even now, as I’m about to go to bed, there are a hundred different ways tomorrow could turn out. There are a thousand ways! A million! Dare I? A billion and four! A billion gazillion!

Although there are infinite ways tomorrow could turn out, tomorrow can’t be just anything I’d like it to be. I can’t, for example, wake up in Croatia. I might be able to swim in the Nile if I left at the crack of dawn, but even that would be a stretch. And I certainly couldn’t reach a mountain peak among the Himalayas by foot.

Our lives have been shaped, and, at any point, tomorrow is more likely to go in one direction than another. We can change it, but still, the predisposition remains.

We are all predisposed to go one way, and though you can — at any point in time, (please do!) — go your own way (or any way!); it is more likely that you will go in the way that you have already been going.

The question that I have is this: which choices result in days full of events that are either a) very appealing and Good (capital G) or b) very probable and still somewhat satisfying and good.

In my brain, there are two perspectives on finding joy. The first is concerned with peak experiences — sayings like: follow your heart and don’t give up on your dreams.

The second perspective focuses on enjoying the things that are probably going to happen to us: practice gratitude. Enjoy the journey.

Follow your heart, don’t give up on your dreams

These remind us to not forget that we can have peak experiences and that we ought to go about and look for them. If we can have a great time, if others have found joy, if there’s any system for replicating a joyful kind of life — then we should pursue it, with complete abandon.

Even now I find myself wanting to book tickets to New Zealand and start writing that damn novel.

The other advice to finding joy — be grateful for what is, enjoy the journey — these remind us that there is no better time than the present to be happy.

Reality, the thing that is currently happening, is a thing that you might be able to be joyful in. Right here! No place you’d rather be. If that’s not the truth (if there’s someplace you would rather be, gosh darn it) you can either change the place or change the way you are being. And since you’re already here, you might as well enjoy it. That’s the other way to find joy: by enjoying the things that are probably (or definitely) going to happen to us.

The goal then, is to maximize both. How can we increase both the likelihood of good events as well as the goodness of those events. How can we get to a place where the best things that could happen are also the things that are most probably going to pass. What if the reality that you were naturally leaning towards, the reality that was most probable, was also a peak experience?

I used to be a food delivery guy. That’s what somebody called me once. Very humbling.

(I was delivering pastries, and I couldn’t find the person who ordered them. The address was wrong, and once you say: “delivered!” on the app you can’t see the address anymore, so it’s hard to check if you got it right. Anyways, I ended up going up and down the whole street, knocking on doors, asking: “Did you order pastries?” To which everyone (very nicely!) said “No I did not” but one guy called his S.O. to make sure they didn’t order pastries. And on the phone they were like: “There’s a delivery guy here with pastries. Did you order those?” Neither ordered pastries, so I ended up eating them myself.).

Like a delivery guy who was delivering on a bike, I felt very vulnerable. I was doored once. Very humbling.

(…)

On second thought, I’ll save that story for another time. Anyways, being on a bike on a road where there are cars felt dangerous. It was just a matter of time before I got hit, got into an accident, lost a leg, died… something like that.

And thus, I had learned the meaning of risk: Prefrontal cortex- huzzah!

Risk can be evaluated by the proportion of negative consequences to probability. AKA: How bad would it be if things went wrong and what’s the probability of that bad thing happening? Like a delivery guy, the probability felt low ish. I ride my bike all the time, accidents happen almost never. But the badness of the thing — getting hit by a car — was pretty bad. So the risk was high.

Let’s flip the script. What’s the good thing, and how probable is it that the good thing will come about? That’s what I want to get after. Everyday. And I want the low-hanging fruit — the simple pleasures that are pretty much guaranteed to be a good time- as well as the Big Goods that might be a little hard to come by but are really, you know, awesome.

Tomorrow, you will have a chance at gaining good and bad experiences. What experiences, if any, are almost sure to make you smile? Get those, just for me. And — if you come across something else, a chance at something that might make you dance, laugh, cry, or sing with joy. Take a chance at that, too.