WRITING CHALLENGE #2: MICRONATIONS

The Wannabe Super Capitalistic Paradise Island That Was Never Built (Yet)

The interesting story of the Principality of New Utopia

Are you an aging ultra-libertarian who recently came across the wonders of taking Human Growth Hormone?

Did you discover that this wonder drug in the mid 1990’s and were convinced HGH was the new-age steroids?

Did you also get it semi-legally prescribed for years from ‘health’ clinics?

Did you then realize that it was about to become super popular in Major League Baseball eventually leading to the substance becoming extremely controlled?

Did you then deep dive on your long held super capitalist beliefs and get very angry at the US government for controlling a hormonal supplement?

Did you then think, hey why don’t I go make my own country, with libertarian rules (and ruled by me as its king of course)?

If you did all this, then your name was probably Lazarus Long. Well, not originally.

Your name used to be Howard Turney, but that wasn’t kingly enough, was it?!

The Principality of New Utopia

Howard Turney, a gentleman in his 60’s during the 1990’s, is responsible for the idea of New Utopia.

His vengeful, anti-US government dream of having his own island nation, to be shared among similarly minded ultra-libertarians, led to the idea creation of this micro-nation.

As described above, Howard really, really liked HGH. But his principles wouldn’t allow him to just try to recreate it or obtain it illegally. So he went with the next best logical thing of trying to gather billions in funding to create a man-made island in the middle of the Caribbean where a reef was submerged 60 feet underwater.

He didn’t want to make a small island nation either. His ideal new country had visions of a world class hospital clinic, a grand casino, 700 condominiums, a full harbor and airport.

All on a man made structure.

Or he wanted to raise up that reef 60 feet. It’s a bit unclear.

The foundation of a new kingdom

King Lazarus and his merry wife and kid slowly set out to make this dream come true in the 1990’s. The project was officially kicked off in 1999. Not construction, mind you, that never happened (yet).

Why did Howard change his name to Lazarus Long you might ask? Well, in 1995, after taking HGH religiously for 2 years, he felt that he was now ready to model himself after a character in his favorite author’s (Heinlein) novels. A character, bearing the exact same name mind you, who was immortal. Oh, and this character became immortal by taking rejuvenation treatments.

Howard really, really liked HGH.

How to make a country?

Creating a “Venice of the Caribbean” can’t be easy. He needed money, lots and lots of money. Luckily, in 1999 there was this new thingy called the internet. Surely this would be the opportunity to make his dream of a just, libertarian society come true.

Doing the logical thing, Lazarus Long set out to raise funds online in this new world. Fraudulently of course. He reached out around the world via his website offering shares and bonds to raise money for this massive undertaking.

He sought $100 million, and came somewhat close to his goal ($24,000) before that pesky American government got involved again via the SEC — those rascals.

Lazarus had managed to dupe enough people to raise $24,000, for which the SEC successfully sued him for. Seems like Ol’ Lazarus spent that money though, as he wasn’t able to pay it.

I wonder what he spent it on?

Ideal societies

King Lazarus Long had a grand vision for this island nation. He wanted it to become an ultra business friendly destination, with zero income tax, zero export tax, and only a 20% importation tax on goods.

He wanted people to be free to do what they want, get top notch health care, gamble their coins away, and enjoy the tropical climate. However, he didn’t want it to be completely libertarian.

There would be absolutely no crime or drugs allowed! Well, except for HGH of course.

Where is the island?

In the end, King Lazarus passed away in 2012 at the age of 80, never seeing his final life goal come to fruition.

But don’t fret, my friends. His daughter, the Honorable Princess Elizabeth Henderson, has promised in 2017 that she will build the vision of her father and fully complete it by 2021!

So, everyone and anyone, gather round (especially you HGH-loving, 1990’s MLB players), and keep your heads up! For in under 2 years, the new paradise on earth will certainly arise in the Caribbean.

Or not.

‘Rant’ over.

Thanks for reading! This is story 3 of 5 for my 2nd writing challenge: micro-nations. The first 2 are below:

Have a wonderful day and check out some of my other stuff here.