Sack of Love
The Vulnerability of Man
Just poor engineering
If you were designing an integral part of the human body — a part necessary to ensure the continuation of your species — would you make it so fucking sensitive even the slightest touch could make you fart?
No, you wouldn’t! For some bizarre reason, Mr. Evolution did! Evolution decided to put most mammal balls out in the open, hanging from their tree.
The problem is a man’s sack of jewels can definitely receive pain to the nth degree if mishandled. As a young boy, you learn early to respect and protect your wee swingers.
The first time your Jolly Rogers take a direct hit, you know protecting them will be a lifetime commitment.
One of the human male’s evolutionary engineering peculiarities is hanging our balls up between our legs as if they were a pinata. Not all of God’s creatures are built this way.
Birds and fish have internal genitalia, keeping it all tucked away nice and safe. You’ll never hear somebody say “Damn! Look at the balls on that Scrub Jay!” Well, maybe if it is another Scrub Jay.
For all the fellas out there, put your hands on your crotch, say “Yabba Dabba Do!”, and let those little burgers know how much you love them. Take a minute out of your day and give ‘em a sense of security!
It’s not like you can hug them.
Ladies, you may not completely appreciate our plight, just as men cannot totally understand the trials and tribulations of being a woman.
I do hope you gals can always show kindness and love to our little balls of semen. There is one caveat to this rule. If the owner of those balls is a mean no-good sack of shit — then kick away!
Most men over the age of three have had this weak-in-the-knees, balls-in-the-throat, tear-jerking experience from taking a fastball in the crotch. Whether you were targeted by an enemy or friendly fire, the pain is the same.
The expression “It feels like my balls are in my throat!” after a good nut kick, is because your balls actually are in your throat. They go there to hide. I guess it’s self-preservation.
I stepped in front of a friendly fire once. A friend’s girlfriend threw her shoe at my buddy. Unfortunately, her aim sucked! It hit me like a missile right in the buster browns.
After dropping to my knees, and with tears in my eyes, I let out a painful whimper, “You Bitch!”
She said she was sorry, but my balls never wanted to see her again. In fact, they would begin to shake when she was nearby. I don’t know how they knew, but they did.
This story is to point out one of nature's misprints — a typo or a flaw in the engineering design of men. You could even say “What the fuck was evolution thinking?”
Then there are some mammals with treasures of their species hanging and swinging low to the ground. We have a black Pitbull dog roaming our neighborhood with a ball sack about three inches off the ground. Quite impressive, actually!
The lady doggies, on the block, seem to love it when he struts by, showing off his manhood. I swear I can see a smug cocky look in his eyes. His intent is so obvious. He just wants to make the neutered dogs feel like shit.
I liked strutting my stuff in college. Until one autumn evening at a pep rally, a few of us guys decided to streak the festive occasion.
The cold Nebraska evening made my large dreams disappear. Not one girl on the campus was impressed by my naked sprint.
Within a few short steps in the cold air, shrinkage took its toll. At this point, I could have been mistaken as a species with internal genitalia.
I am sure there are biologists out there who are able to explain the purpose of external plumbing. In fact, my wife has her biology degree and if I ask her, I am positive she can tell me why.
The fact of the matter is, I don’t really care why. My testicles are where they are, in harm's way, regardless of the reason. Nothing can change from where my little gems hang, at least not without surgery.
Therefore, to all my fellow nut sacks out there, you are the police of your genitalia. Your job is to protect and serve your species bearing balls of love with the fidelity of purpose.
As we now know, The Vulnerability of Man is Poor Engineering.
Be safe guys & gals!
Love, Peace, and Unconditional Happiness
