The Volcano Is About To Erupt
If that’s the way it is, there are some hidden learnings.
People reading my articles off-late know that I am on a trip to my country of birth (India) after a gap of seven years. I am a single child; my parents, friends, and relatives are thrilled to see me in my hometown Lucknow after so long.
It’s been a week here, and the initial excitement is settling down, and I can see an issue appearing through the cracks of celebration.
Why am I writing about it here? This article is part of an experiment where I publish negative urges and associated triggers to handle them healthily.
I am not a fan of forcing change into my personality and instead like to increase my awareness and address issues in my nature with love and patience. My previous article was on EGO, and this one is on my relationship with my father.
Trigger
My parents and I need to get used to our style of living. They have visited me in Australia several times in the last seven years, but those visits have been brief, and my work schedule would sweep our differences under the carpet. Our differences are appearing through the cracks now that I am on leaves and don’t have work distractions. My mother is the strongest and wisest of the three of us, so she understands how to handle these differences, but me and my father and slightly short-tempered. Our contrasting personalities mean our interactions are heating up, and the volcano is about to erupt.
Urge
There is a strong urge to bash out in anger. We are constantly arguing about things that should not matter a lot. As both of us are parties to a long-running legal battle and must make decisions as a team, there are constant arguments and disagreements.
My mobility in Lucknow is limited as I am too scared to drive in India’s traffic which builds pressure on my father. He is old, and the traffic is a nightmare for him.
The legal costs associated with the battle are putting extra financial pressure on us and do not help the cause.
What to do?
The foremost reason for writing this article is to bring my awareness that my father and I love each other to bits. I have had multiple lessons to manage my short-tempered nature from him. He has not only given pieces of advice but walked the talk by changing himself first before advocating strategies.
He helped me when I almost gave up on my efforts to quit smoking. When my relationships failed one after another, he was the one to support me in my efforts to change and learn from my failed relationships.
Yes, we irritate each other, but we can die for each other’s happiness, which makes this relationship an absolute treasure to keep.
Conclusion
I can’t force myself to ignore or run away from these disagreements. The only way to handle our conflicts is by increasing our awareness of these issues and, whenever possible, communicating about them. My father showed me the way during one of the arguments today when he silently walked away from the discussion to slow down the pace of our conversation.
Once he came back, we were calmer to discuss our differences sanely. He showed me the way by demonstrating a way to slow down the pace during these heated arguments.
Writing about my experiences, triggers, and urges makes me feel better. I have dissected this trigger and the urge healthily until I find my motivation: Goodbye.
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