The Various Stages of Life and how to deal with Them.
The four types of people.
Has anyone been bored during quarantine? Yes, okay cool. I was bored, so I decided to look at some baby pictures of me, you know, the ones which were taken on an old school camera, and it got me thinking about the various stages of life.
Some guy called Thomas Andrews came up with twelve stages of life, some people have come up with seven, and I’m pretty sure someone has come up with more than twelve. The point is, life can be boiled down to four stages:
- The imitation phase.
- Indiana Jones phase.
- The commitment phase.
- The Yoda phase.
The names might sound a bit casual, but I don’t write boring articles, so f that.
1. The Imitation Phase.
Meet Timmy, he’s five years old and is in Kindergarten, he is funny, cute and innocent. His friend has a Superman suit, so he wants a Superman suit. Everyone watches SpongeBob, so he watches SpongeBob.
He does not know much about life, so he resorts to copying people.
That’s the way he’s wired to learn, he imitates people, especially adults. We learn how to walk, then talk, after that we develop social skills and then we adapt to live by society's norms and become respectable citizens.
The goal of this stage is to become independent. The idea is that you learn from adults in your community, such as your parents or uncles and aunts. They provide for us and support our decisions, helping and guiding us whenever they can.
The problem is, some adults suck. They are too uptight and stuck in their ways, for example, Timmys’ aunt Greta. She’s judgy and rude, Timmy scowls whenever he sees her, she’s going to hog the T.V and not allow him to watch SpongeBob, bummer. Poor Timmy goes to his mother, complaining about his situation, he’s got tears flowing down his eyes, but his mother tells him that sharing is caring and that he should be polite.
The problem is that adults don’t seem to care sometimes, so a child such as Timmy goes around being a people pleaser, endlessly trying to be accepted. He mimics, this goes on until he’s seventeen.
In some people, this takes longer. They wake up at the age of fifty and realise that they haven’t lived for themselves, what follows is a Porsche 911 in the driveway and designer clothes to feel younger and trendy.
We have to know about society's expectations but we also have to act despite society's standards when we feel necessary.
2. The Indiana Jones Phase.
Timmy’s now 25 years old, he is working for J.P Morgan and doing well for himself, so he decides to explore in his free time, he’s soul searching. Last summer he went to Bali, in the winter he went to India, to reconnect with his spiritual self and meditate under a Bodhi tree in the Himalayas, seeking to find the truth.
There’s a lot of trial and error during this phase. He has now stopped trying to impress aunt Greta and instead, told her to go to a place where the sun doesn’t shine. He is in the high stakes world of New York finance, living it up in the big city.
He is dating women, and dining at expensive restaurants, it’s good.
It’s not all good. Timmy has his limitations, he sucks at parallel parking, he can’t cook even if his life depended on it. We must all learn what we are bad at, and the earlier we learn it, the better.
I can’t fathom algebra, I’m horrible at speaking French, and I have a lot of limitations. Your limitations are important, they teach you to be humble and you eventually realise that your time on this planet is limited, which means that you should invest it whatever you find meaningful.
Some people are stuck at the Indiana Jones phase, they can’t admit to their failures and shortcomings. You can’t push away failure into the universe, you can confront it and work or you can tip your hat and walk away knowing that you have done your best.
After a wild decade, Timmy is 35 and looking for something else. He is bored with the constant drinking and expensive restaurants, he wants fulfilment. He might want kids, or he might want commitment, who knows?
3. The Commitment Phase.
Timmy’s now 45 and at his daughter’s school show. He’s married to a chef, he traded in the Porsche 911 for a BMW X5 and is happy with that. He saved some money and bought a house. He’s reached the commitment phase.
He’s realised that he is not good at surfing, he has stopped day drinking, and he’s not playing golf anymore. He knows what he is good at and what he can’t do.
This is the stage where you double down on what you’re best at and what’s best for you. Timmy’s a brilliant analyst. He’s maximising his potential in finance and is next in line for the highest paying position in his company. He’s not bothered about money, he cares about his legacy.
As the years go by, his daughter graduates, she gets married and Timmy has invested in enough shares to retire on yearly six-figure income, he’s the best in his field and he’s achieved a lot, what’s left to do?
This phase starts in your mid-thirties and ends at retirement age, people who get stuck in the commitment phase can’t seem to let go of the control and power that comes with achieving peak capacity. Their ambitions and aspirations go on well into their 70s and 80s.
4. The Yoda Phase.
Timmy has been there and done that, he has donated to several charities, he has been a top business analyst, he was part of the black lives matter movement and has lived a great life. He has reached the age where he can’t chase his purpose anymore. A bigger question lingers on his mind:
“How do I make sure that my legacy lasts after my death?”
This could be something as simple as supporting his adult child or writing a book about business analysis, it could mean being politically active and supporting the values that he has stood for.
This phase is important since Timmy can see his mortality and let go of all the regrets, goals and wishes that he had. He can look at the grim reaper and embrace him willingly. His constant search for meaning is over.
Timmy is laid to rest today.
Rest in peace Timmy.
What’s the Point?
As we go through each stage, our happiness and wellbeing become more controllable. We realise that our happiness should be based on internal and controllable values.
You should own the phase you are in. If you are going to explore, go everywhere that you can, meet new people and find new experiences. If you’re going to settle, focus on your family, job, or whatever you’re settling on.
