Life Lessons

The Valuable Life Lesson I Learned From My German Neighbor

In response to the Coffee challenge; Why I am a pro-shout-out movement.

It was the December of 2011. I had relocated to Germany just a few months ago from the USA, with my husband and our 15-month old daughter.

Christmas was around the corner and I felt dreadful. No, not because I was worried about all the gifts that I had to buy, or the family time that I was supposed to spend all together under the same roof!

I felt dreadful and hopeless because I had no one to buy those gifts for, I had no one to surprise, I had no one to share that joy with. I thought to myself: isn’t Christmas ‘the season of perpetual hope’?

But this wasn’t always the case. How did this happen? Let’s take a walk down memory lane…

My Life in India

I grew up in India, and we celebrated Christmas in a very different way. I believe that when it comes to festivals (and in some other cases too), we are way more inclusive in India.

A festival (in India) is never just a family occasion, it did not matter if it was for a religious reason. It’s an involvement of the entire neighborhood, society, and the country as a whole. Full disclosure, I am not a Christian, but Christmas was a big event for me, for all of us.

India is a secular country, so we celebrated Christmas, Eid ul-Fitr (we had a public holiday on Muharram too), Buddha Purnima, Guru Nanak’s Birthday (Sikh Guru), Mahavir Jayanti (Jain holiday) along with all the Hindu festivals like Durga puja, Diwali, Holi, Pongal, Ganesh Chaturthi, and etc. (there are loads of them).

And all our festivals are never just family traditions — they are a part of the very fabric of society. On Diwali or on Durga puja, we would decorate the streets with lights, and so did we for Christmas too (especially the more Christian-dominated neighborhoods). We would create a festive environment and you could feel it in the air.

So the birthday of Jesus Christ was no doubt a big day for us, even for all the non-Christians.

Christmas time was also the perfect season, at least in the region where I come from. It’s winter and is a pleasant respite after the hot and sultry tropical summer months and a very humid monsoon.

The clear blue skies and crisp winter air are so refreshing, the perfect time for a picnic. The picnics were arranged by either the entire neighborhood, or by all office colleagues, or by many families and friends together — in general, it was rarely just a family affair.

A big bus was hired (to get all the people to the location), elaborate plans would be made, huge containers for cooking and catering would be hired to make food for everyone, shopping lists would be made, menus would be planned with everyone’s food preferences in mind, games would be discussed and decided, prizes would be bought for the participants, and so on.

There was an air of excitement that couldn’t be hidden, and even an introvert like me would get excited for the big day (honestly, I wouldn’t mind a bit quieter environment though).

We have had picnics at the beach, or in large garden houses, with ample space for everyone.

And if you didn’t want to go for such big picnics, you could also go to any open public spaces for smaller picnics or fire a grill in your backyard or terrace. Some also liked going to the Zoo as the best option because of all the migratory birds that arrive in wintertime from as far away as Siberia.

Many people preferred to go to the Church too (even the non-Christians). Because of many years of British, Portuguese, and Dutch dominance, there is no shortage of beautiful churches in India. St. Pauls Cathedral in Kolkata and Basilica of the Holy Rosary in Bandel were two favorites amongst the locals.

And we always ate a special fruit cake that’s available only just around Christmas. Christmas was no Christmas without that fruitcake. I have had the opportunity to taste the world-famous Black Forest cake in the Black Forest, but nothing can compare with my childhood dry fruit cakes from the local bakeries.

We had no elaborate gifts or surprises though. We had no Santa coming through the chimney.

My Life in the USA

Fast forward a few years and I found myself in North America. Although the Massachusetts weather was quite a challenge for someone who came from a tropical country, I loved the way the malls were decorated, albeit over-commercialized. But I still had a place to go when I felt lonely, just to see the smiling faces of happy people shopping for their families.

Fortunately, I had my sister and her family living in Michigan. Going to her house and spending Christmas time with them became our tradition. She had a huge house (she still lives in that house), so we, along with other friends in the neighboring states, all joined at her house.

We could no longer go to picnics, for obvious reasons, and rather copied the western culture. We would secretly buy and wrap the gifts, hide them in our closets, and on the 24th night, we would tiptoe downstairs to place our gifts under the beautifully decorated Christmas tree.

The next morning would be a gift opening and picture-taking time. I remember, one year, our parents also joined us from India and we all dressed up in similar costumes and had family photos taken.

While at that time, I didn’t think much of it, but those photos have become very valuable treasures for me in the coming years.

There was so much joy and laughter hidden behind this. This became our new tradition and I was happy.

My Life in Germany

This all changed in the year 2011 when we moved to Germany. Suddenly, we found ourselves without friends or family during Christmas, for the first time in our lives.

In Germany, everything closed down by the 24th afternoon, including the grocery stores, and it felt like there’s a curfew — so different from my Indian culture.

On Christmas eve of 2011, we had nowhere to go, no one to visit, but thank God, we had each other.

We were so desperate to go somewhere, we went on a walk to the nearby lake. I remember, I longingly looked at other people’s nicely decorated houses and the laughter coming from there.

People were busy finishing the last touches for their big family meal together.

Have you ever watched the movie Home Alone — the first movie in the series? If you have, you may recall on Christmas eve, how longingly Kevin was looking at other people’s houses where guests were coming, they were greeting each other and the houses were filled with laughter, while Kevin was waiting outside wishing his family was here.

That was me.

I came back with a deep sigh and looked at our brightly decorated tree. I decorated the tree extra bright as if that would cheer me up. Besides, this was my daughter’s first Christmas where she would even feel or understand anything. I wanted to create a Christmas tradition for her. But everything felt just so hopeless.

We had bought some gifts for each other and wrapped them lovingly. I placed them solemnly under the Christmas tree after my daughter had gone to bed. I secretly hid a tear and wished to go back home where my family was, but I pretended to be happy, just for my little daughter.

I still wanted to make it up to her. I wanted to see the surprised look in her eyes the next morning when Santa left her gifts. We had watched enough Winnie-the-Pooh and secret Santa videos, so she knew Santa would be coming sometime during the night through the chimney.

A Random Act of Kindness

The next morning, Santa did come. The bell rang and I was surprised to see my German neighbor on my doorstep with a freshly baked apple cake just for us and a little present for my daughter.

I was touched beyond anything. Despite all the busyness for all the preparations for their families, they didn’t forget us.

I had bought little presents for all my neighbors too and had kept them under the Christmas tree, but wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to exchange gifts with ‘not-so-close’ people. It was our first year, we didn’t know them that well and we were definitely not their families or friends.

Now feeling hopeful, I rang the bells of each of my neighbors and gave them their little presents, one by one. And at every place I went, they were so touched by this little gesture.

The gift was something very simple, but the act was very touching to them. There was an elderly couple from Greece. They too had no family nearby. The elderly lady hugged me tight with tears in her eyes. She admitted, she didn’t expect anything from anyone but was now very touched and humbled.

One act of kindness by my neighbor touched my heart and I returned it to the others only to magnify it — it created a kindness boomerang.

For the next few years, these neighbors became my lifeline. An elderly German couple became the ‘Oma and Opa’ for my daughter and she literally didn’t know or believe until a long time that they are not her real grandparents.

Leaving Germany and leaving that apartment after a few years actually became one of the most painful parts of my life. Unknowingly, we have become families.

On that Christmas day, my neighbor taught me a very valuable life lesson — human connection is the greatest gift of all. Together we build a community.

Sometimes, we take things for granted like the companionship of our families and friends. But we realize their importance once we are away from them, and when we are lonely.

My Life at Medium

As a new writer on Medium, I had the same feeling. I felt lonely, I felt scared. I wondered how are people are going to find my articles. I was worried about how to get the first 100 followers so that I could join the MPP.

I have borrowed this line from Joe Moody from this article many times:

“But after starting a website and writing for my own blog, it felt like posting billboards on a deserted island.”

Then something great happened. Ramblings Anon gave me a shoutout in her article. People started following me and reading my articles. I just wrote 4 articles in the month of September, but I already had over 100 followers.

The next best thing was the ability to write for some publications. I discovered Coffee Times by following Winston. The best thing about Coffee Times was the shoutout for other writers. I thought the gesture was a real kind one, instead of selfishly promoting our own staff.

And I noticed the difference immediately — there was so much connection building up with other writers. Some like-minded writers sent me private notes or comments which really lifted me up. I felt like I belong somewhere finally.

I liked this concept so much that I started using shoutouts for other publications as well, even where it is not mandatory.

It’s a win-win situation. There is nothing to lose. You are showing an act of kindness. At the same time, one shoutout to another writer increases your read ratio. And the cycle goes on.

Another good part about writing for this publication was getting to know the awesome editors: Yana Bostongirl, Drashti Shroff, Dr. Preeti Singh, Marrisa W., Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles and Sharing Randomly — thank you to all of you.

I was almost not going to write this article, because participating in a challenge is challenging for me. My perfectionist and competitive nature kick in. But writer Sumit Kumar convinced me that it’s not about winning, it’s all about participating.

I am also grateful to the following people for letting me join their publications (in random order):

Dr Mehmet Yildiz for Illumination, Synergy, and Reader’s Hope.

Carrie. A. Kelly and JS Adam for their publication Evolve.

Robert Ralph for New Writers Welcome.

Justjulieandherblog for Motivate the Mind.

The Garrulous Glaswegian for The Authentic Eclectic.

Sumit Kumar for Indian Link.

Gaurav Jain for Indian Stories.

Tom Fenske, Burk and Kristina God for The Shortform.

Kern Carter for CRY Magazine.

Also tagging some of the other writers who have clapped or left comments on my articles and have inspired me to keep writing:

Lisa Beth Wright, The Silent Wave, James Wilder, Dr. Lori Fishman, Michelle Moubarak,