The Valley of the Shadow of Death
I always think that I am adjusted to the idea of death. My work at a large funeral home/cemetery/crematory/mausoleum for the past decade-plus has altered my view of death and dying. I recall how I was at one time afraid of the idea of dying. I would not even consider that this is a part of our life process, and death comes to us all. Our American or Western society does a very poor job of getting us ready for this part of our soul’s spiritual journey. We speak in hushed tones. We hurry bereaved spouses back to work and tell them “You will get over it.”
For a decade I worked as a Certified Celebrant. I met with the families of the recently dead, and we planned the arrangements for their final memorial service and their interment plans. This gave me a unique opportunity to sit and learn about someone’s life and how their trajectory of years played out. I Googled the deceased, and learned much about them from the internet, including social media postings. I looked at public records. I tried to get a clear picture of their journey through this life and wanted to include their accomplishments and their loves and passions. Of course, I didn’t include negative things. We all have those. We all know our faults and troubles well enough. We don’t need someone else to list them for us.
The day of the funeral or memorial would come and go, and I would often find myself awash in grief after I was alone after having led the memorial and graveside. I often thought to myself that I was now mourning the friend I never got to have. And I gave services for all ages. From stillbirth and infant deaths to the very elderly over 100 years old. Always to me, there was a mystery as to why some of us remain for many years and others have their life cut short.
Today my sister called from my small hometown in “southern midwestern Oklahoma” where I grew up. She told me of the tragic death of young man she has known all his life. He was a well-respected healthcare worker. Married. Dad of two beautiful children. Beautiful wife. And the son of a man I know as a good man. A servant to his community. A friend. The young man who died had a picture-book life from what you can see online and from what people are furiously writing about him on the pages of his social media and that of his parents and their pages. Head-on motor vehicle collision. Gone so fast. So much life left undone. The last thing he thought would happen that day. We all operate like that. The thing is we think we have time. Often, we do not.
Other deaths have stricken my psyche these past few days. So many multiple deaths from shootings in communities still reeling from other shootings. No, I didn’t know them. But I know the agony and grief that their families are experiencing all too well. Lives shattered. Grief is inconsolable. Plans to be made that they never imagined only hours ago that they would be forced to make. And yet, I still get up today, and get ready for work, and my life goes on while their life is over, and their families are shattered.
If you work in death care every day your friends and family think that you are “hardened” against all of these feelings. That you somehow become used to the grief and suffering and sorrow. I can tell you that you do not.
But I began this essay to say that you can get more comfortable with “Mr. Death”. There is an old “Twilight Zone” where an elderly woman knows that Mr. Death is stalking her. She is shut up in her basement apartment, and won’t go out or let anyone in. But, a handsome young police officer is injured outside her door and she lets him in, finally, against her better judgment. The young handsome actor is Robert Redford. He gently discloses to her that she has indeed died. He is “Mr. Death” and he has come to take her home with him. There was no pain, no panic, no gnashing of teeth. Just a gentle acceptance of moving on to the next spiritual plane that we will all experience. It is a remarkable episode.
There is a wonderful book that was the first one I read when I began my investigation into “What’s next?” after this life. It is titled “Life After Life”, by Dr. Raymond A. Moody. I am forever grateful that this is the first book I read, and it is always one I go back to and read again when I am “rattled” by death. The book focuses on the stories of those who have experienced a “near-death experience”. In some cases, have been pronounced dead and then seemingly miraculously returned to this existence. Also, eyewitness accounts of those who are with them at death, and in some cases get a glimpse of “what’s next.”
What happens once that last breath is taken? What is the connection between this physical world and the spiritual world? Does the soul survive physical death? The book gives me a deeper understanding of death and of how we live our lives in the time we are alive. In gaining a clearer understanding of who we are and what our very existence is all about I can see how to live my life more clearly in love, compassion, and forgiveness. Rather than fearing death, I have begun to see more clearly how to find joy and adventure each day. Now I see more clearly how the transition of the soul makes the view of death seen through a clearer lens, knowing more about what is happening, and more importantly, what I feel sure is ahead for me.
Dr. Moody is a physician who became curious just as I did. He was a skeptic. He did not believe in “Life after Life” before he began his investigative journey.
I said that this was the first book in my investigation. My library now holds well over fifty publications on the subject. Some are heatedly denouncing the continuation of our conscious mind. They denounce any notion of our continuing soulful existence. I have to say I find those unconvincing. Not because I want to believe, but because the overwhelming evidence shows that we do survive death. We continue to interact and be aware of our loving relationships and how we are all connected.
The news of a tragic death is always unsettling and sad. It matters not who, when, or how. If you are an empathetic person, you feel it. But I encourage you to find your path in learning how to see death as a part of your life. Become comfortable enough to get next to the thinking. I can promise you that you will find more peace, meaning, and tolerance in yourself and everyone around you when you start to see the margins of the big picture. I hope you will remember to write and tell me what you experience. Namaste.