The Unproduced Sequel To THE ROCK We’ll Unfortunately Never See

The only prison more difficult to escape from than The Rock is also called The Rock

If it helps, think of this as fan fiction.

This movie isn’t some absurd multi-verse sequel to Ant-Man. Nicolas Cage is not going to literally escape from inside Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

But it’s close. Especially when Stanley Goodspeed discovers an apocalyptic variant of the bio-weapon he stopped in the first movie. And unfortunately, the cure is locked deep inside Dwayne’s DNA.

That’s right. In the cinematic universe of The Rock, Dwayne Johnson is a real person.

The world wrestling asteroid belt of cinematic universes

Whether it’s Jean-Claude Van Damme in JCVD, John Malkovich in Being John Malkovich, or the entire cast of This is the End (Wikipedias), many other stars have embraced a meta level of celebrity that transcends their respective multiverse.

Be it as a cameo or as the star, these celebrities bring the audience deeper into…er…their body…geez…of work by inviting us into a place of unique vulnerability (oh come on!).

All rocks come from bigger rocks

The legend of Dwayne The Rock Johnson has in some sense surpassed the man himself. He’s become like Batman, a symbol for success whose very presence acts as a mechanism to transform a franchise into a moneymaker (and sometimes make a movie pretty good!).

But who is this guy really? And don’t we deserve to get to know him a little better by seeing him in increasingly absurd set pieces that showcase The Rock acting just like we’d hope he would if his blood was the one thing that could save a movie? Er, I mean the world?

World Premiere: THE ROCKS

The opening

The movie won’t start with The Rock, of course. It’ll start with Stanley Goodspeed, who the movie will acknowledge looks an awful lot like Nicolas Cage. It worked in Ocean’s 12 for Julia Roberts and Danny’s wife. It’ll work for us, too.

We don’t even need to speculate about what situation Stanley is still facing. Michael Bay outlined exactly how to write his unproduced sequel (Den of Geek) — and ours. It turns out he was already thinking about it when he ended the first movie.

At the end of The Rock (1996), Stanley Goodspeed opens a roll of microfilm that appears to contain state secrets. As Michael Bay explains:

The government comes after Nic Cage with a vengeance. We’re talking out to kill. It turns into more of a thriller. Nic Cage has nowhere to turn, because he’s been stabbed in the back by the government, and they’re after him. Maybe he takes Carla, I’m not sure. Maybe they separate. I’d really like to separate Nic and Carla, and have Nic try to employ the help of Sean Connery. Basically, taking The Rock off exactly where it left off. — Michael Bay

So when Stanley confronts this new threat — a higher stakes version of the same threat he faced in the first movie — he’s not at all in the same position. Whereas he was once the weak nerd who couldn’t even say the word a — hole, now he’s a badass that literally shoved a deadly bioweapon down a guy’s throat until he choked on his own gurgling breaths.

Whereas once he would have surrendered instantly to the government, this time they come after him and Carla — and they run.

You won’t believe what happens next

That’s the position Stanley Goodspeed is in when this new threat surfaces.

That’s the position he’s in when he discovers the only person capable of saving the world is a celebrated movie star (excuse me, a former wrestling celebrity, because obviously that stuff is real #kayfabe).

That’s the attitude Stanley has when he comes to save Dwayne Johnson — and finds Dwayne as stubborn about being saved as he is about being giving us his first full-length music album.

In the meantime, all we have is this much-needed but as-yet-unproduced sequel to The Rock.

Well, that and the music performance that will come to define Dwayne The Rock Johnson long after we forget to say you’re welcome (Moana; Disney).

The End

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