The Unlikely Story of an Average Don Juan

Is it narcissistic to consider one’s self an “anti-hero” in the telling of their own life history and story?

I suppose it is in some respects, but the reality is, I don’t know how else to describe myself in the tales that I’m about to share with you.

Let me be upfront and candid — I am what people casually refer to as, “a Don Juan” type character. I have this incredible knack for being able to charm women and eventually bed them.

There’s nothing malicious about my intentions and I’m certainly not one of those “PUAs” (pick-up artists) that use all manner of mental trickery and persuasion to coerce a woman into sex.

But, like anything in life, perspective is important, so let me fill in the background.

The Surprising Truth

I’m in my mid-40’s and since the age of 15, I’ve had sex with a lot of women… Probably several hundred if I were to guess.

There is nothing about me that stands out as special.

I’m average looking, over the past ten years I’ve put on a bit of weight, I’m slightly above average height and none of my features stand out as “captivating”.

When I was younger, I was in decent shape and was probably a “7” on a generic attractiveness meter, but now, with the weight and a bit of age, I’m probably a “4” or “5” for most women.

But that has not hampered my ability to have sex with high numbers of women at all.

In fact, I have opportunities present themselves to me all the time now and I don’t have to really work hard at all to take advantage of them.

I wouldn’t say that women “throw themselves at me,” but in any given month, with a bit of focus, I could easily initiate a sexual relationship with two or three different women that I come across in my daily activities.

Identifying My Superpower Early On

As I said, I started having sex with women at 15, and by the time I was at the age of informed adult consent in my neck of the woods (16), I was having sexual relationships with women who were in their 40s.

How was I able to do this?

I discovered that the thing women find most sexually attractive above everything else is… a man who listens and who has empathy.

I am a superb listener with an incredible memory and I can relate to the emotions and feelings of the woman who is talking to me.

When I’m having a conversation with a woman, instinctually I find myself trying to understand how she feels about what she’s telling me. I listen out for the elements that are wounding her and that are bringing her joy.

And then I explore those aspects by asking more questions so that she can dive deeper into those feelings and articulate why they make her feel that way.

Again, it’s not a trick or a game, I’m just someone that likes to listen and engage with women in meaningful conversations.

This kind of “active listening” makes almost every woman feel special.

I figured this out at 16 and honestly, it’s been a gift and a curse.

Fine Line Between Good and Evil

When you’re a man and you have this kind of superpower, it is impossible not to sometimes use it for selfish gain.

As I said, some people will think that I’m a Lothario-like figure, and that’s why I described myself as the “anti-hero” of these stories.

Since the age of 16, I’ve had to learn to walk the line between listening and exploiting… That’s a delicate balance to get right.

I was about 19 years old when I realized that the simplest way to not take advantage of these situations was to never make the first move — I will always ensure that the woman I’m getting to know pursues a sexual relationship with me before I’ll reciprocate.

It’s a weird line and I’m aware of that.

I openly admit to having manoeuvred many situations towards that outcome, but the suggestion of a physical or sexual relationship must always come from the other person first.

Never Catch Feelings

The hard part about being an exceptional listener and an empathetic person is that women sometimes can catch a really bad case of feelings for you.

The first time this ever happened was when I was 20 and at university. I’d been seeing an older lady in her early 30’s that was having some marital issues and she told me that she had started to develop feelings for me.

I dealt with that the way any 20something male would in the pre-mobile phone days would… I ghosted her entirely.

The lesson was learned swiftly that I needed to make it clear to these women that I wasn’t emotionally available for a relationship, that the boundary of our interactions were clear.

I was happy to be their friend and listen to them without sex factoring into the equation, I was happy to fold sex into that friendship, but I wasn’t interested in anything beyond that.

Over the years, I’ve had a few women that grew attached to me in an emotional way, but I’m always clear with my limits and boundaries — this can lead to these relationships breaking down, but that’s the price I’m willing to pay.

For the most part, I’ve had ongoing, casual sexual relationships with women I’ve been friends with for up to a decade in a couple of cases — we have deeply connected emotional friendships, but it’s never romantic love and the boundaries are always respected or the relationship ends.

No questions asked and non-negotiable for me.

The Question You’re Probably Wondering About

By now, you’re probably thinking, “Are you good at sex or something?”

Yes, I am.

Seriously, why invoke a sense of false modesty or beat around the bush — I’m really, REALLY good in bed.

I’ve been called a sexual savant by women.

In many of the women that I’ve been with over the years, a significant number of them will consider it the best sex they’ve ever had by quite some margin.

One woman said to me that she thought the sex with her ex-husband was in the “9 out of 10” range and it was why her marriage lasted as long as it did, but that after having sex with me, he was “a 6 or 7 at best”.

I’m not rocking a huge penis or have some kind of Gene Simmons like tongue, I just listen to them, understand what they’re in need of, and give it to them.

In many ways, I think it links back to my natural empathy. I’m someone that likes to make sure the other person is enjoying themselves and getting what they need from the experience.

But, in the name of transparency, I will admit that I know my way around a woman’s body and I have an incredibly open mind, so I’ll try just about anything.

Women will tell you what they want if you’re listening and the things they are desperate for a man to do with them… Then you just have to do it.

So, Where To From Here?

You might be wondering why I’m even sharing this and the other experiences I’m going to write about.

It’s a good question and one that’s deserving on an answer.

There are a couple of reasons.

1. I like talking about my experiences over the years because they are fun and exciting;
2. The odd person who does know about my adventures always says that I should write them down; and,
3. I think some people will be entertained by them.

The “entertainment” angle is the one I’m most interested in.

I’m quite aware that as I tell some of these tales that there will be people who get angry by what I’m saying or how someone has behaved in the story. It will touch a nerve for them, cross the moral boundaries or just make them think I’m some kind of sociopath.

That’s a form of entertainment in its own right — writing that can trigger an emotional response is entertainment.

The majority of the people who read these stories will find them fun, a bit naughty, and some may even be quite arousing.

That’s my primary audience, but it would naive to think that I won’t make some people unhappy and angry.

Couple of my Ground Rules

I’m a very, VERY discreet person. There is no way that you could do what I’ve done over the last 30 years with the number of people (some of whom have public profiles) and not be discreet.

As a result, it’s important to say:

• Nobody is going to be “shamed”, names and pertinent details will be changed and even some of the aspects of the story will be changed to ensure privacy for myself and the people involved at all times.
• The tales themselves will be genuine although some of them took place as long as 30 years ago, so some of the details might be a bit hazy.
• I won’t be embellishing things. While some of the details might be a bit fuzzy, I won’t be adding in things that didn’t happen or turning up the heat because I think the fun of these stories is the raw truth.

I’m sure there will be a few more ground rules that I figure out along the way and when I do, I’ll come back and update this list.

A Journey of Discovery

Ultimately, I see writing these accounts as a way of getting to know myself a little bit better and ideally, you’ll find out something about yourself by reading them.

Much of what I’m going to detail includes things that I just simply haven’t been able to share with anyone and, over time, that’s something that’s honestly gnawed at me a bit.

I think this form of writing and storytelling is going to be cathartic for me and help me gain a bit of perspective about myself and my life.

And hopefully, you’ll follow along, have a bit of fun reading them and square some of your own circles.