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Abstract

Once you have a house it’s only a matter of time until you’ll want a bigger house. Once you have your dream job it’s only a matter of time until you’ll want the next promotion. Once you win that award or competition, it’s only a matter of time until you ask yourself, “What’s next”.There is certainly an art to appreciating what you have, but the warm glow of gratitude feels more like being content and satisfied than being happy. If you want the feeling that gives you energy, motivation, and vitality, then you have to learn how to channel dopamine. Gratitude is a warm glow but it doesn’t burn like passion, inspiration, or desire.Most people get caught on the hedonic treadmill because they set their goals too small; they want things that are too easy to get. This is like eating junk food. It feels satisfying only for a moment but it’s hardly filling and nutritionally bankrupt.You want something. It’s available online. You buy it. It appears the next day. You get what you want and it gives you a burst of excitement that lasts all of five minutes. But by the next day, you have forgotten all about it and are back shopping for the next shiny object.<h1 id="f2de">Medium-Term Goals cause us to focus too much on the “battle” but not the “war”…</h1>Many people set medium-term goals; they want a promotion at work, or to save up for a downpayment for a house. This may take a couple of years to accomplish. While these goals do help to give our lives structure, the problem is that once we have gotten what we want, it can feel like our lives lose purpose. The feeling of “what’s next” after we accomplish a medium-term goal can feel like an existential crisis.You’ve trained for six months for a competition. The competition comes. You win! You are the champion…But what now? You’ve won the battle… but what about the war?Once again, the hedonic treadmill rears its ugly head. When we obtain our medium-term goals, we also lose our sense of direction. If we don’t have a bigger picture to connect with, then it’s only a matter of time until we start feeling lost and without purpose.<h1 id="369d">The real path to happiness is to fight the war, not the battle.</h1>This is the long game. You set goals that are just large enough to seem like dreams but not so large that they seem unrealistic. You then work diligently and persistently towards that goal.As you make progress, it will feel good. As you feel like you are closer to reaching your goals, energy, and vitality will continue to motivate you. You don’t have to have your mission detailed precisely; as you make progress what you want will become more and more clear.Those who play the long game know that it’s only a matter of time until they get what they want. It’s a war of attrition. You will get what you want merely by being more determined and persistent than everyone else. If someone else is merely playing the short game or the medium game then they have already lost.We know that life is a series of trial-and-error. “Two-steps-forward, One-Step-Back”. Sometimes you lose a battle or have

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to retreat. But if you never surrender then you can live to fight another day.When you know that it’s only a matter of time until you win, you’ll find yourself more resilient to setbacks. When you don’t get what you want in the short term, you’ll have the power of pragmatic optimism on your side. Losing won’t mean that you have lost. It’s merely an opportunity to seek the feedback necessary to try again.Meanwhile, because you are playing the long game, progress will never be met with complete satisfaction. This is like eating food, but not so much that you are full. You get a taste of what you like but maintain the sense of hunger necessary to keep the pursuit alive; Since you never quite habituate to the progress you make, it will continue to fuel you.But perhaps the best thing about playing the long game is recognizing that the long game is made up of a series of short and medium games. Every war is made of a series of battles. This means that you can win the battle, but not be so satisfied by your victory that you lose sight of the big picture.In other words, when life asks you “What’s next?” You’ll be able to respond; “I might have won that battle, but I have yet to win the war.”<h1 id="a849">Seeing the Big Picture: Happiness = Progress</h1>Living a happy life is not about winning the battles, it’s about always having a war to fight. It’s not about obtaining your goals, it’s about always having a goal to strive towards. Why? Because we feel the most happiness when we are making progress.The anticipation of fulfilling a desire is more energizing and motivation-inspiring than the result itself. To that end, having a war to fight is more invigorating than actually winning the war.The formula is simple; pick something that you desire and then imagine the best version of it. What would it be like to accomplish or to claim that which you desire at the highest level?The caveat is that whatever you choose to be your mission, it has to require you to become more than what you currently are to achieve it. In other words, to make progress toward your big-picture goals, you will have no choice but to become a better version of yourself.This is why many of life’s milestones don’t feel fulfilling. If you want to buy a house you may need to save money, but it doesn’t require that you change or improve upon who you are in any meaningful way.But to become the best at something, or to redefine a genre of something, or invent something new, or do something of lasting significance means that you will likely have to continue to improve. Progress in the pursuit of your goal will necessarily require you to grow and overcome yourself.Once you have chosen the war that you wish to wage, you will then be able to more strategically choose your battles. You can know what things you need to accomplish and strive towards in your campaign. As you approach each battle, whether you win or lose you will find yourself making progress. As you get closer to your ultimate goal, you will also become a more actualized version of yourself.</article></body>

The Unintuitive Secret to Happiness: “Always Play the Long Game”

Understanding the secret to happiness means first understanding what happiness is. While there are a myriad of brain chemicals involved in pleasant feelings, one of the most researched and consistent neurochemicals is Dopamine.

You’ve likely heard of it. If you haven’t there are some pretty decent books detailing the mechanics of Dopamine; like “Dopamine Nation” by Anne Lembke, or “The Molecule of More” by Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long. If you don’t have the time for a whole book or audiobook, entire podcasts, and YouTube videos will be good enough for a primer...

The long story short of Dopamine is this; you get energy and motivation when you have a goal and make progress towards it. Not only that, but making progress towards a desired outcome feels good.

Most People Misunderstand Happiness

Many people think that having a happy, motivated, and energetic life is about accomplishment. We say, “As soon as I’ve gotten that award I’ll be happy”, or “Once I’ve won that competition I’ll be happy” or “Once I get that job or promotion I’ll be happy.”

We believe that once we have an impressive enough human resume of things we have done, places we have been, or skills we have mastered we will be “happy”. Likewise, our culture offers up several default milestones: Once you’re married. Once you own a house. Once you have kids. Once you’ve invested in your 401K. Once you’ve retired. Once you’ve done these things you’ll be happy.

And yet, as we check the boxes of life, we find that we are not entirely happy.

The truth is that when we get what we want, we no longer want it. If I am hungry and I eat food then, low and behold, I no longer want food.

I have to at the very least wait until I am hungry again before the idea of food is motivating and energizing.

Likewise, once you get that award, trophy, promotion, or whatever you want, sure it’ll feel good for a moment, but that good feeling will fade away. Just like the first few bites of food are delicious but as you get full you’ll find it less and less appealing..!

Our pursuit of short-term goals keeps us unhappy.

This concept is known as the hedonic treadmill. When you get something you want, you slowly adapt to having it through a process known as habituation. Once you have completely habituated to something, the emotional reward of having it fades and you’ll return to whatever your baseline level of happiness was prior to having it.

For the average consumer, this means that they will have no choice but to want something else. They become dissatisfied with what they have and will start wanting more or different. Once you have a house it’s only a matter of time until you’ll want a bigger house. Once you have your dream job it’s only a matter of time until you’ll want the next promotion. Once you win that award or competition, it’s only a matter of time until you ask yourself, “What’s next”.

There is certainly an art to appreciating what you have, but the warm glow of gratitude feels more like being content and satisfied than being happy. If you want the feeling that gives you energy, motivation, and vitality, then you have to learn how to channel dopamine. Gratitude is a warm glow but it doesn’t burn like passion, inspiration, or desire.

Most people get caught on the hedonic treadmill because they set their goals too small; they want things that are too easy to get. This is like eating junk food. It feels satisfying only for a moment but it’s hardly filling and nutritionally bankrupt.

You want something. It’s available online. You buy it. It appears the next day. You get what you want and it gives you a burst of excitement that lasts all of five minutes. But by the next day, you have forgotten all about it and are back shopping for the next shiny object.

Medium-Term Goals cause us to focus too much on the “battle” but not the “war”…

Many people set medium-term goals; they want a promotion at work, or to save up for a downpayment for a house. This may take a couple of years to accomplish. While these goals do help to give our lives structure, the problem is that once we have gotten what we want, it can feel like our lives lose purpose. The feeling of “what’s next” after we accomplish a medium-term goal can feel like an existential crisis.

You’ve trained for six months for a competition. The competition comes. You win! You are the champion…

But what now? You’ve won the battle… but what about the war?

Once again, the hedonic treadmill rears its ugly head. When we obtain our medium-term goals, we also lose our sense of direction. If we don’t have a bigger picture to connect with, then it’s only a matter of time until we start feeling lost and without purpose.

The real path to happiness is to fight the war, not the battle.

This is the long game. You set goals that are just large enough to seem like dreams but not so large that they seem unrealistic. You then work diligently and persistently towards that goal.

As you make progress, it will feel good. As you feel like you are closer to reaching your goals, energy, and vitality will continue to motivate you. You don’t have to have your mission detailed precisely; as you make progress what you want will become more and more clear.

Those who play the long game know that it’s only a matter of time until they get what they want. It’s a war of attrition. You will get what you want merely by being more determined and persistent than everyone else. If someone else is merely playing the short game or the medium game then they have already lost.

We know that life is a series of trial-and-error. “Two-steps-forward, One-Step-Back”. Sometimes you lose a battle or have to retreat. But if you never surrender then you can live to fight another day.

When you know that it’s only a matter of time until you win, you’ll find yourself more resilient to setbacks. When you don’t get what you want in the short term, you’ll have the power of pragmatic optimism on your side. Losing won’t mean that you have lost. It’s merely an opportunity to seek the feedback necessary to try again.

Meanwhile, because you are playing the long game, progress will never be met with complete satisfaction. This is like eating food, but not so much that you are full. You get a taste of what you like but maintain the sense of hunger necessary to keep the pursuit alive; Since you never quite habituate to the progress you make, it will continue to fuel you.

But perhaps the best thing about playing the long game is recognizing that the long game is made up of a series of short and medium games. Every war is made of a series of battles. This means that you can win the battle, but not be so satisfied by your victory that you lose sight of the big picture.

In other words, when life asks you “What’s next?” You’ll be able to respond; “I might have won that battle, but I have yet to win the war.”

Seeing the Big Picture: Happiness = Progress

Living a happy life is not about winning the battles, it’s about always having a war to fight. It’s not about obtaining your goals, it’s about always having a goal to strive towards. Why? Because we feel the most happiness when we are making progress.

The anticipation of fulfilling a desire is more energizing and motivation-inspiring than the result itself. To that end, having a war to fight is more invigorating than actually winning the war.

The formula is simple; pick something that you desire and then imagine the best version of it. What would it be like to accomplish or to claim that which you desire at the highest level?

The caveat is that whatever you choose to be your mission, it has to require you to become more than what you currently are to achieve it. In other words, to make progress toward your big-picture goals, you will have no choice but to become a better version of yourself.

This is why many of life’s milestones don’t feel fulfilling. If you want to buy a house you may need to save money, but it doesn’t require that you change or improve upon who you are in any meaningful way.

But to become the best at something, or to redefine a genre of something, or invent something new, or do something of lasting significance means that you will likely have to continue to improve. Progress in the pursuit of your goal will necessarily require you to grow and overcome yourself.

Once you have chosen the war that you wish to wage, you will then be able to more strategically choose your battles. You can know what things you need to accomplish and strive towards in your campaign. As you approach each battle, whether you win or lose you will find yourself making progress. As you get closer to your ultimate goal, you will also become a more actualized version of yourself.