Self-awareness, Introspection.

The unexpected virtues of being a villain. Here are five things I discovered when I started being a wholesome person.

This is not your usual fairytale.

We often think of villains as evil people who do terrible things, but is that the case? Is there more to being a villain than meets the eye? We all have our definition of what it is to be “good” and “bad,” and the dichotomy between the two is often blurred. From the time we’re young, we’re taught to be a “good person” and do “good” things. However, sometimes being a “good person” is overrated. While it’s not for everyone, there are some surprising benefits to embracing your darker side.

Like many, the year 2022 has been an enlightening one for me. I was left in a rut between sticking to my ways or taking the time to reacquaint myself with my being, shed the scars of unconscious beliefs and, like a phoenix, rise from the ashes of the burden of going against my wants and needs. Although a painful yet healing experience, I have discovered an untapped joy and agreement with my inner child, longing for recognition and growth.

The Japanese say you have three faces. The first face you show to the world. The second face you show to your close friends and your family. The third face, you never show anyone. I wanted these three faces to align with my values and respect my boundaries. And, by adhering to this new mindset, I’ve discovered that:

• My decisions aligned more with my beliefs and values

After reflecting on my beliefs and values, I listed my past decisions and how I went against what’s most important to me. Coming into an agreement with what I value the most and how they were by my beliefs, I dared to disagree and walk away from certain situations. I gained the confidence to enter environments where I was prone to attracting people and events with similar beliefs and values.

• The fruits of my investments in a durable self-care routine became apparent

Developing a consistent workout routine, using my air fryer for my meals, getting enough sleep, journaling, talking to my therapist, and more have enabled me to invest in the woman I see myself becoming. I wanted to embody these activities for my future self and, one day, instill these values in my offspring.

• I pursued meaningful activities

We all make mistakes and have flaws, and it’s never too late to make amends with ourselves and work towards being a better person. Taking the time to evaluate the activities that truly bring me joy was part of my wholesome journey. Accepting that they may sound boring to some, I cherished my ambitions and pursued them wholeheartedly. A solo hike, trip, or ride was no longer intimidating but rejuvenating.

• I gained a heightened sense of self-awareness

In specific interactions at work, with family or on romantic dates, I started paying more attention to my thoughts, emotions and behaviours. I tried to understand my reactions to certain situations in specific ways and worked to identify any patterns that may be holding me back. By going out of my comfort zone and trying a new way to meet people with my sense of self in mind, I discovered new ways to approach a romantic interest and feel deserving of what it is I seek.

• It became easy to seek out support.

Having grown up always doing things independently, I often kept to myself and avoided letting my loved ones be aware of my shortcomings and, sometimes, negative thoughts. Asking for support was a weakness, and with time, I discovered that with the right people by my side, my weakness cultivated a greater bond. Little by little, as I came out of my shell, life circumstances drew people willing to strengthen me in the difficult moments of my life.

“The attainment of wholeness requires one to stake one’s whole being. Nothing less will do; there can be no easier conditions, no substitutes, no compromises.” — Carl Jung, Psychology and Religion, Page 556.

Dear reader, please remember that becoming more whole is ongoing and may take time. Be patient with yourself, and celebrate your progress along the way. It has no end, just a constant drive to get there. I was, I am, and I will keep on the journey.

With love,

Elle.