The Unexpected Lesson Learned From My Alcoholic Father

Drunk dad, show me the way.

What does a childhood full of drugs, alcohol, divorce, and rock n roll lead to?

Does it lead to anything good ever?

Or is it just a recipe for another body count in the cycle?

If you had asked me this question 15 years ago, I would’ve told you no one can ever live a normal life after having their childhood tarnished with dysfunction.

Now, I’m confident it was the most important learning lesson life has ever taught me.

We’re all responsible for our own actions.

And no amount of pain or trauma excuses you for acting like a shitbag.

At some point, you have to take responsibility for your own life and stop blaming the past for today’s failures.

My father, the one who was the source of all the chaos in my childhood, taught me this lesson.

You see, he gave up the drugs and alcohol when I turned 18.

Guilty and ashamed of all his poor decisions over the years, he finally hit a breaking point. No amount of partying was ever going to fix the past. He could no longer outrun his mistakes.

He had to deal with them or suffocate in eternal misery.

And so the day came when I finally got to talk to him sober, really talk to him, not the persona he had been playing.

And I told him, “You’re a fucking asshole, and you ruined my life.”

He finally said the only thing I ever wanted.

“I know.”

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life with that guilt, and I don’t even deserve forgiveness. I just want you to know I fucked up so bad.”

It hit me hard.

Here’s this guy I thought was such a loser my whole life being a man and admitting he is responsible for everything that’s happened to him.

How can I now complain when I don’t have the life I want?

The hardest part about being a child is you lack agency.

I couldn’t control the situations around me or get away from my environment. I was stuck with the hand I was dealt.

But once you’re an adult, there isn’t a single excuse left in the book.

Obstacles in life are never in our control, but our reactions to them are.

The next time you start feeling like you don’t have what you want, take a real honest look at the life you’re living.

Are there things you’re doing that might be causing your problems?

I was drinking heavily for years and complaining about not making money, not being able to do what I love, and not being able to get fit.

Well, guess what?

I took a good look in the mirror and realized all that shit I could have if I just stopped doing the thing that was holding me back.

It was all on the other side of some temporary pain.

Same with my father. Once he got sober and spent a few years working to right all the wrongs over the years, he has since been able to live a somewhat happy and fulfilling life.

He has his issues, but don’t we all?

This isn’t a get sober message.

Addiction is the lens through which my father and I coped with failure.

The real problem is excuse-making, blaming others, and leaving life in the hands of everybody but yourself.

Accepting responsibility and complete agency in our lives is how we find happiness and purpose.

Did it all lead to good?

Fuck yea it did.

I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything.

I have world-class fighting experience with demons a lot of people will never know.

Lessons learned the hard way are the most internalized.

It’s never too late to accept what’s happened and accept you can decide what’s next.

If you enjoyed this article, you can follow me — Zacc Rowlands — for more content about creativity and habits to improve your skills. All photos in this article were shot and edited by me, the author, Zacc Rowlands.