The Ultimate Guide To A Truly Unproductive Day
14 habits you can easily implement if you hate making progress
Have you ever had one of those days where you’re proud of your accomplishments?
Sure they feel great but only for a few moments and then you’re back to feeling like a big zero the next day. Chasing these highs is no way to live life. These feelings are fleeting and you’re left with a capsule of guilt when you can’t achieve the same amount of success as the previous day.
Start feeling guilt-free by being ambitiously unproductive. These 14 easy habits are easy to implement and I can guarantee that you will make absolutely no progress towards whatever it is you’re trying to achieve in life.
- Multitask — Toggling between spreadsheets or going from one task to another will guarantee that your work will only be partially done.
- Have the iPad next to you when you work or sit in front of the TV with your laptop. That way, you can turn on Netflix whenever you want.
- Check your emails obsessively, both work and personal. In fact, check every email notification that pops up. You never know who needs a kidney next and the only way they can contact you is through email.
- While you’re at it, don’t forget to check your texts and WhatsApp messages. Those are equally, if not more important than emails. It’s obviously urgent if they are contacting you by phone.
- Have papers all over your desk. Every piece of paper, even that grocery list, is too important to recycle. Make sure, they’re shuffled across your desk with no discernible organizational system in place. You don’t have time to Marie Kondo your life. You’re too busy trying to find that very important invoice.
- Spend at least an hour thinking or talking about food. You need to eat and your stomach’s not going to feed itself. Meal planning is for suckers who aren’t creative enough to make a meal out of the three ingredients in their fridge.
- Have a pantry full of snacks but never anything in the fridge. This will ensure you make trips to feed yourself at least every half hour but never fully satisfied.
- Never ever make to-do lists. They are for the weak-minded. Having to remember the 16 tasks due by the end of the week will only strengthen your mind.
- Do not listen to the so-called productivity experts. Prioritize your top 3 must-dos? Do the most important task first? And my personal favorite, don’t check any social media or even your phone for the first hour of the day. Who am I? Super Will Power Woman? I think not.
- Never listen to your body. You don’t need sleep. Like to-do lists, sleep is for the weak. Push through the fogginess with caffeine. What better way to pay homage to the genius who invented coffee?
- Stare at your cats while they sleep when you’ve got a tight deadline. They don’t mind — they’re sleeping and you need to rest your eyes.
- Set up meetings after meetings. Now with online platforms like MS Teams, everyone you work with can see your status. You don’t want to be “available” all the time. What would your bosses think if you had absolutely no meetings? But don’t lie and make your status “busy” when you’re free from random phone calls throughout the day — that’s unethical. Pointless meetings are a win-win for everyone.
- Break your flow/groove by watching YouTube for a 30-second video. This will soon turn into 15 minutes and eventually an hour.
- Wear yourself down by trying to meet everybody’s expectations. Obviously, your parents are top of mind. Every criticism they have should bring you down a notch or two if they’re doing it right.
The clearly single man telling you how to raise your child — his advice is warranted and you should, by all means, let his comments stick with you. Just ignore his public butt scratching and mounds of frozen dinner in his cart.
14. Never ever delegate or ask for help. After all, your pride and ego are all you have left of yourself.
The above has helped me avoid making any real progress for years. The best thing about this ultimate guide is that you don’t need to follow it to the tee. Implementing any of the above into your daily life will help decrease your efforts by at least 50% and they’ll help you overcome any motivation you have for creating a truly productive day.
If you’re anything like me, quick results are what you’re after. These aren’t like those dreaded “good” habits that everyone is touting. Those take years to build. Any of the above can be implemented in mere seconds and will probably stick for good. You don’t need years to become a truly unproductive person, you only need zero willpower and a true hatred for change and progress.
If you decide to implement any of my advice above, I’d love to know your results. If you still find yourself to be making progress, give me a shout and I can give you some expert advice.