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395t62888">break out as a fantasy QB</a> this year, even if the wins are still a year away.</p><h1 id="5d89">Tier III — The Game Managers</h1><h2 id="fdfb">22. Ryan Tannehill</h2><p id="2480">Tannehill has started 64 games and we still couldn’t pick him out of a lineup of three. Is this guy good? Is he a pocket passer? Does he have a big arm? Are we sure he belongs in the game manager category? Are we sure he should still be a starter? Other than a slight bump from his rookie year, Tannehill has shown no real improvement since. He’s a meh starter for a meh team.</p><h2 id="4ce5">21. Carson Wentz</h2><p id="b530">That’s right, a guy with 38 preseason snaps in his career is nearly a top-20 NFL quarterback. Ok fine, I’m a North Dakota State homer and a little biased, but this kid is a fast learner and he should at least be ready to come in and manage a game in a QB-friendly offense. Here’s more:</p><div id="1317" class="link-block"> <a href="https://thecauldron.si.com/carson-wentz-fact-or-fiction-a5a6a316c878"> <div> <div> <h2>The Truth about Carson Wentz from a North Dakota Insider</h2> <div><h3>All eyes are on the Philadelphia Eagles’ No. 2 overall NFL Draft pick.</h3></div> <div><p>thecauldron.si.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*UQyvXKWspgPIKP7tsj7huQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="a297">20. Ryan Fitzpatrick</h2><p id="c76b">It’s crazy that Fitzpatrick has started over 100 NFL games when we know pretty unequivocally that he’s not that great. But two years ago he kept Houston afloat at 6–6 and last year he broke .500 for the first time ever at 10–6. Fitzmagic and his beard are the guy you play on a running team with good receivers and a good defense and figure he won’t mess it up too much (except for the three games when he totally does). That’s a game manager.</p><h2 id="bc64">19. Alex Smith</h2><p id="4295">If you look up Game Manager, it’s just a link to Alex Smith’s Wiki profile. No one does it better, and you can decide if that’s a compliment. Smith’s had just 5–7 interceptions a year for an incredibly impressive five straight seasons as a starter. He won’t lose you the game, but he’s not going to win it for you either. Perfect for a first round playoff exit… if that’s what you’re going for.</p><h1 id="2e8f">Tier IV — No Seriously, I Have No Idea Either</h1><h2 id="5421">18. Derek Carr</h2><p id="af56">At worst, he’s already miles better than big brother David ever was even on his greatest Madden season.</p><h2 id="16a3">17. Kirk Cousins</h2><p id="0e10">Cousins was, like, really good last season. No seriously, he led the league in completion percentage at just a failed-spike short of 70%, and he threw a lot of balls with a high YPA too. The guy might be good. He might be like the #10 QB right now. I need one more season.</p><h2 id="56b6">16. Matthew Stafford</h2><p id="9807">“If Matt Stafford was mediocre before with one of the greatest WR talents in NFL history, just wait til you see him now!!” — Lions front office 2016</p><h2 id="18dc">15. Jay Cutler</h2><p id="e176">It’s kind of surreal that Jay Cutler was benched last year multiple occasions FOR CAREER 1–13 QUARTERBACK JIMMY CLAUSEN and yet he’s back starting for the Bears like nothing ever happened and he’s somehow a top-15 NFL starting quarterback and I’d trade Sam Bradford for him in a heartbeat and now I’m going to go cry again.</p><h2 id="5b08">14. Andy Dalton</h2><p id="3a83">Andy Dalton is King of the Who Knows Club. The Red Rocket has averaged ten wins a year in his five seasons while leading the Bengals to the playoffs all five times… and promptly turning into the lovechild of Tim Couch and Joey Harrington when he gets there. On the one hand, Dalton set career highs in every possible QB marker last season and might have finally figured it out. On the other hand, he has thrown 1 touchdown and 79 interceptions in his playoff history and only one of those stats is made up. And on the other other hand, <a href="undefined">The Ringer</a>’s NFL expert <a href="undefined">Kevin Clark</a> ranked Dalton #5 in his current QB list this year, ahead of Aaron Rodgers. #NeverForget</p><h1 id="fa1c">Tier V — Give Me a Top Defense and a Run Game and Some Playoff Luck and Maybe Just Maybe…</h1><h2 id="1f59">13. Joe Flacco</h2><p id="7a3c">Flacco is really good but he was really bad last year and is yet to prove he’s back from tearing up his knee, and history shows it usually takes another year for quarterbacks to come all the way back. But is he ELITE??</p><h2 id="3037">12. Tyrod Taylor</h2><p id="2192">Holy cow, Tyrod Taylor is a top-12 NFL quarterback. How did this happen.</p><h2 id="7440">11. Marcus Mariota</h2><p id="0ca8">I love love love Marcus Mariota and I think he’s ready to break out and still looks like he’s got a lot of Russell Wilson in him. More on Mariota here:</p><div id="b8cb" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/who-is-this-years-worst-to-first-nfl-team-2477e4cfbe78"> <div> <div> <h2>Who Is This Year’s Worst to First NFL Team?</h2> <div><h3>Which 2015 bottom feeder will win its division in 2016?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*SmXnVFtJExLRypRryESt0Q.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="b5be">10. Matt Ryan</h2><p id="112b">It feels wrong to have such an uninspiring guy in the top ten QBs in the history of the modern day world, but it’s only because Tom Brady and Tony Romo and Teddy Bridgewater (just let me have this one, guys) are injured.</p><h2 id="ad33">9. Eli Manning 8. Philip Rivers</h2><p id="e7b9">I know. I get it. Eli has won two Super Bowls and he should totally definitely probably be higher.</p><p id="1656">It’s

Options

the tie game of a 4th quarter and you have to pick one of these two QBs and if you’re wrong, you are dooming the entire country to eight years of Donald Trump as president. I’m sorry, I tried to give Eli his due credit, but I am taking Rivers. I just am.</p><h1 id="8be1">Tier VI — Genuine MVP Candidates</h1><h2 id="b688">7. Carson Palmer</h2><p id="0a56">Call me crazy, but something feels just a little bit off on this whole Carson Palmer is finally awesome again thing. This is a hedge ranking. I could totally see Arizona being <i>the</i> team this year and Palmer winning MVP… or I could see him falling completely apart and dooming the team. Being just really good again is actually the one scenario that’s hardest for me to imagine.</p><div id="d714" class="link-block"> <a href="https://unprofession.com/its-here-25-big-predictions-for-the-2016-nfl-season-db8fe41ad64e#.f9121bcq6"> <div> <div> <h2>It's Here! 25 Big Predictions for the 2016 NFL Season</h2> <div><h3>Betting tips, division winners, and a Super Bowl pick! </h3></div> <div><p>unprofession.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*nEtx0nGEntqiTWl4.)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="a2b3">6. Drew Brees</h2><p id="7000">Brees has officially moved into the still-a-fantasy-stud-but-no-longer-an-NFL-one phase of his career. For all his stats, the Saints have won just seven games in three of the last four seasons now. A superstar QB is like a superstar NBA player. If you can’t make the playoffs on your own no matter how bad your surrounding cast is, are you really a superstar?</p><h2 id="944a">5. Andrew Luck</h2><p id="434f">I was really hype for Andrew Luck last season coming off the monster playoff comeback against Kansas City and looking like he was finally going to put together a ginormous season, but then the line fell apart and Luck got hurt and now it feels like we’ve sort of forgotten The Giant. Could Luck have a 5000-yard 50-TD season in him with that arm and that head and those receivers and that system? It’s in play.</p><p id="7f22">You think this is too high, I know you do. Andrew Luck went 11–5 three straight times before last year. He’s really, really good, I promise.</p><h1 id="1c74">Tier VII —If They Play 16, You’re in the Playoffs</h1><h2 id="7c9d">4. Ben Roethlisberger</h2><p id="4408">Big Ben has won just over two-thirds of the games in his career which basically means you’re going 10–5 with a bonus loss when he misses his usual one game a season with an injury that would’ve sidelined every other human on the planet for two months. The guy is nearly indestructible, and he’s incredible at football. Remember when Roethlisberger averaged over 75% completions and 10 YPA a game early last season before his body fell apart, or when he threw 6 TDs in back-to-back games the previous year? Stay away from the guy off the field, but I’ll take him on it any day of the week.</p><h2 id="9fb4">3. Cam Newton</h2><p id="992a">Look, you watched Thursday night. The guy is a machine and he’s unlike any other quarterback or athlete right now. Let’s hope he stays (gets?) healthy.</p><h2 id="aa05">2. Aaron Rodgers</h2><p id="1b5c">Some of the luster has worn off Rodgers over the past few years and his numbers were pretty bad last year, but the guy is still a walking MVP candidate and he’s somehow become underrated. Rodgers has won 73% of his starts since his “rookie” season and he continuously makes stars out of average position players around him and does it behind a mediocre line. Rodgers is the guy taking the mantle from Peyton Manning as the do-everything superstar QB. And yet…</p><h1 id="39e0">Tier VIII — The Champ</h1><h2 id="f06d">1. Russell Wilson</h2><p id="daaa">If there’s one game and one game only to win and I can have any guy on the planet, this is the one I’m taking. Wilson may not have the best stats of anyone on the list — though his 24 TDs <i>and only one interception</i> from November 22 forward last year say otherwise — but he has that special something that just makes magic happen when the moment comes.</p><p id="b15f">Wilson takes 90% of the things that make Newton special and adds in 90% of Rodgers passing abilities but then sprinkles some wizardy fairy dust crap on top of that and ruins lives. With the game on the line, he will keep the play alive and put himself in the right spot and give your team a chance to win every single time. Russell Wilson is the best player on the best team in the NFL and he’s my 2016 MVP as well.</p><p id="5a89">And if you don’t think it absolutely killed me to write those last two rankings, then you have forgotten that I’m a Vikings fan.</p><div id="83b4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/this-is-what-its-like-to-be-a-vikings-fan-today-and-every-other-god-forsaken-day-in-this-horrible-b0327ce2f328"> <div> <div> <h2>This is what it’s like to be a Vikings fan today and every other God forsaken day in this horrible sports universe…</h2> <div><h3>Spoiler: it sucks.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*G6fDyFWW7PbrC5hhBzxfGg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><figure id="fa97"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*x_2CMe_sahwLoLc4T-koBA.gif"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="43a7"><i>If you enjoyed this, please recommend it by clicking the </i>❤<i> so others can enjoy it too. Follow Brandon on Medium or <a href="https://twitter.com/wheatonbrando">@wheatonbrando</a> for more sports, humor, pop culture, and life musings. Visit the rest of Brandon’s <a href="https://readmedium.com/brandon-anderson-writing-archives-6b3ee1a29301#.6cteu050v">writing archives here</a>.</i></p></article></body>

The Ultimate 2016 Opening Day NFL Quarterback Rankings

It’s kickoff time, and you need someone to start for your favorite team. Who’s it going to be?

It’s finally here! Bells are ringing, people singing, birds chirping, men burping, for football season is here at last! Cam Newton is already a proven loser again since his kicker missed a 54-yard field goal, and all is right in the world once again.

Thirty-two NFL teams will start thirty-two NFL quarterbacks this week, and it’s important to know who’s best. So if you had to rank every NFL opening day starting QB from worst to first based on their ability to help you win this season, how would you do it?

Tier I — Well I Guess We Have to Start Someone…

32. Case Keenum

Case Keenum is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad quarterback. He may not even be a good backup QB. And not only did Rams #1 pick Jared Goff not beat him in camp — he’s third string.

31. Blaine Gabbert

Kaepernick patriotism issues aside, it’s baffling that the 49ers continue to believe Gabbert puts them in the best position to win. San Francisco is now coached by Chip Kelly, the perfect guy to get the most out of Kaepernick’s talents. What has Gabbert ever done other than force the Jaguars to draft Blake Bortles?

30. Sam Bradford

Sorry Vikings Fans — Sam Bradford Sucks

I went down the rabbit hole looking for some reason to believe. I’m still looking…

medium.com

29. Trevor Siemian

Trevor Siemian is currently the fifth option when you type “Trevor” on Google right now behind Trevor Noah, Trevor Wetterling, Trevor Story, and Trevor Moran. He is also the starting QB of the defending world champion Denver Broncos. So this will be interesting.

Edit: I wrote this before Thursday’s game and you know what, Siemian wasn’t bad! Definitely much better than that Peyton dude at throwing 4-yard screens. Siemian is 1–0 and Cam is 0–1, so just go ahead and swap their spots.

28. Jimmy Garoppolo

The last time we saw someone get extended time for the Patriots other than Tom Brady, it was Matt Cassel. Terrible Matt Cassel, who started no games in college and has been awful on many teams since, but the same Matt Cassel who went 11–5 in that system and in that coaching. Garoppolo was a second round pick who broke Tony Romo’s college records. He’ll be fine. Probably.

Tier II — It’s All About Potential, Baby

27. Robert Griffin

Life’s not fair. RG3 was incredible as a rookie, a legit top 10 quarterback. And then he got hurt. Maybe that’s just random bad luck, maybe his playing style meant things were always headed that way — we’ll never know. We also don’t know if Griffin is good anymore and have no real reason to believe he can get through a full 16-game slate, and that matters.

26. Brock Osweiler

Ah Brock Lobster. Brocky Mountain High. Brock Bottom. This feels a little high honestly. It feels like Denver isn’t really going to miss him this year. But he did start half a season for a Super Bowl winner. But actually his metrics are poor across the board, even going 5–2 last year, and he’s probably not good.

25. Dak Prescott

So here we are, week 1, and Dak Prescott is a top 25 starting QB in the world. And I’m here to tell you I think he’ll be even higher by year’s end because he may not give the job back. Prescott was awesome at Mississippi State leading his team to 19 wins the past two seasons. Most of that same roster returned this year and just lost to FCS opponent South Alabama last weekend. Prescott was terrific in the preseason too, the #1 ranked QB by Pro Football Focus. And sure it’s “just preseason” but 78% completions, 7 TDs, and 0 interceptions sort of speaks for itself, whenever and whoever you’re playing.

This is the perfect spot for a rookie to step into, with the best line in football, a stud young RB, and sure-handed Dez and Witten. This kid can succeed, and Tony Romo might be Drew Bledsoe before he knows it.

24. Blake Bortles

Blake Bortles was the #2 QB in fantasy football last year, yet his name still sounds a lot more like someone dry heaving than the name of a good quarterback. You know that whole Jags-gonna-be-good-this-year thing? Forgot about Blake. He’s been under 60% completions and over 3% INT both seasons of his career, and he gets sacked every time he breathes. Don’t forget to start your fantasy defense against JAX folks.

23. Jameis Winston

The Tier II theme is untapped potential. Everyone in this group won’t be by the end of the season — they’ll either move up in the ranks or be buried a year from now. And Jameis stands out as the best guy to believe in. After coming out of the gates horribly his first four games with 54% completions and 7 interceptions, Winston improved to 60% with just 8 more picks over the last 12 games, increasing his YPA by half a yard too. There’s work to do but reason for hope. Winston could be in line to break out as a fantasy QB this year, even if the wins are still a year away.

Tier III — The Game Managers

22. Ryan Tannehill

Tannehill has started 64 games and we still couldn’t pick him out of a lineup of three. Is this guy good? Is he a pocket passer? Does he have a big arm? Are we sure he belongs in the game manager category? Are we sure he should still be a starter? Other than a slight bump from his rookie year, Tannehill has shown no real improvement since. He’s a meh starter for a meh team.

21. Carson Wentz

That’s right, a guy with 38 preseason snaps in his career is nearly a top-20 NFL quarterback. Ok fine, I’m a North Dakota State homer and a little biased, but this kid is a fast learner and he should at least be ready to come in and manage a game in a QB-friendly offense. Here’s more:

The Truth about Carson Wentz from a North Dakota Insider

All eyes are on the Philadelphia Eagles’ No. 2 overall NFL Draft pick.

thecauldron.si.com

20. Ryan Fitzpatrick

It’s crazy that Fitzpatrick has started over 100 NFL games when we know pretty unequivocally that he’s not that great. But two years ago he kept Houston afloat at 6–6 and last year he broke .500 for the first time ever at 10–6. Fitzmagic and his beard are the guy you play on a running team with good receivers and a good defense and figure he won’t mess it up too much (except for the three games when he totally does). That’s a game manager.

19. Alex Smith

If you look up Game Manager, it’s just a link to Alex Smith’s Wiki profile. No one does it better, and you can decide if that’s a compliment. Smith’s had just 5–7 interceptions a year for an incredibly impressive five straight seasons as a starter. He won’t lose you the game, but he’s not going to win it for you either. Perfect for a first round playoff exit… if that’s what you’re going for.

Tier IV — No Seriously, I Have No Idea Either

18. Derek Carr

At worst, he’s already miles better than big brother David ever was even on his greatest Madden season.

17. Kirk Cousins

Cousins was, like, really good last season. No seriously, he led the league in completion percentage at just a failed-spike short of 70%, and he threw a lot of balls with a high YPA too. The guy might be good. He might be like the #10 QB right now. I need one more season.

16. Matthew Stafford

“If Matt Stafford was mediocre before with one of the greatest WR talents in NFL history, just wait til you see him now!!” — Lions front office 2016

15. Jay Cutler

It’s kind of surreal that Jay Cutler was benched last year multiple occasions FOR CAREER 1–13 QUARTERBACK JIMMY CLAUSEN and yet he’s back starting for the Bears like nothing ever happened and he’s somehow a top-15 NFL starting quarterback and I’d trade Sam Bradford for him in a heartbeat and now I’m going to go cry again.

14. Andy Dalton

Andy Dalton is King of the Who Knows Club. The Red Rocket has averaged ten wins a year in his five seasons while leading the Bengals to the playoffs all five times… and promptly turning into the lovechild of Tim Couch and Joey Harrington when he gets there. On the one hand, Dalton set career highs in every possible QB marker last season and might have finally figured it out. On the other hand, he has thrown 1 touchdown and 79 interceptions in his playoff history and only one of those stats is made up. And on the other other hand, The Ringer’s NFL expert Kevin Clark ranked Dalton #5 in his current QB list this year, ahead of Aaron Rodgers. #NeverForget

Tier V — Give Me a Top Defense and a Run Game and Some Playoff Luck and Maybe Just Maybe…

13. Joe Flacco

Flacco is really good but he was really bad last year and is yet to prove he’s back from tearing up his knee, and history shows it usually takes another year for quarterbacks to come all the way back. But is he ELITE??

12. Tyrod Taylor

Holy cow, Tyrod Taylor is a top-12 NFL quarterback. How did this happen.

11. Marcus Mariota

I love love love Marcus Mariota and I think he’s ready to break out and still looks like he’s got a lot of Russell Wilson in him. More on Mariota here:

Who Is This Year’s Worst to First NFL Team?

Which 2015 bottom feeder will win its division in 2016?

medium.com

10. Matt Ryan

It feels wrong to have such an uninspiring guy in the top ten QBs in the history of the modern day world, but it’s only because Tom Brady and Tony Romo and Teddy Bridgewater (just let me have this one, guys) are injured.

9. Eli Manning 8. Philip Rivers

I know. I get it. Eli has won two Super Bowls and he should totally definitely probably be higher.

It’s the tie game of a 4th quarter and you have to pick one of these two QBs and if you’re wrong, you are dooming the entire country to eight years of Donald Trump as president. I’m sorry, I tried to give Eli his due credit, but I am taking Rivers. I just am.

Tier VI — Genuine MVP Candidates

7. Carson Palmer

Call me crazy, but something feels just a little bit off on this whole Carson Palmer is finally awesome again thing. This is a hedge ranking. I could totally see Arizona being the team this year and Palmer winning MVP… or I could see him falling completely apart and dooming the team. Being just really good again is actually the one scenario that’s hardest for me to imagine.

It's Here! 25 Big Predictions for the 2016 NFL Season

Betting tips, division winners, and a Super Bowl pick!

unprofession.com

6. Drew Brees

Brees has officially moved into the still-a-fantasy-stud-but-no-longer-an-NFL-one phase of his career. For all his stats, the Saints have won just seven games in three of the last four seasons now. A superstar QB is like a superstar NBA player. If you can’t make the playoffs on your own no matter how bad your surrounding cast is, are you really a superstar?

5. Andrew Luck

I was really hype for Andrew Luck last season coming off the monster playoff comeback against Kansas City and looking like he was finally going to put together a ginormous season, but then the line fell apart and Luck got hurt and now it feels like we’ve sort of forgotten The Giant. Could Luck have a 5000-yard 50-TD season in him with that arm and that head and those receivers and that system? It’s in play.

You think this is too high, I know you do. Andrew Luck went 11–5 three straight times before last year. He’s really, really good, I promise.

Tier VII —If They Play 16, You’re in the Playoffs

4. Ben Roethlisberger

Big Ben has won just over two-thirds of the games in his career which basically means you’re going 10–5 with a bonus loss when he misses his usual one game a season with an injury that would’ve sidelined every other human on the planet for two months. The guy is nearly indestructible, and he’s incredible at football. Remember when Roethlisberger averaged over 75% completions and 10 YPA a game early last season before his body fell apart, or when he threw 6 TDs in back-to-back games the previous year? Stay away from the guy off the field, but I’ll take him on it any day of the week.

3. Cam Newton

Look, you watched Thursday night. The guy is a machine and he’s unlike any other quarterback or athlete right now. Let’s hope he stays (gets?) healthy.

2. Aaron Rodgers

Some of the luster has worn off Rodgers over the past few years and his numbers were pretty bad last year, but the guy is still a walking MVP candidate and he’s somehow become underrated. Rodgers has won 73% of his starts since his “rookie” season and he continuously makes stars out of average position players around him and does it behind a mediocre line. Rodgers is the guy taking the mantle from Peyton Manning as the do-everything superstar QB. And yet…

Tier VIII — The Champ

1. Russell Wilson

If there’s one game and one game only to win and I can have any guy on the planet, this is the one I’m taking. Wilson may not have the best stats of anyone on the list — though his 24 TDs and only one interception from November 22 forward last year say otherwise — but he has that special something that just makes magic happen when the moment comes.

Wilson takes 90% of the things that make Newton special and adds in 90% of Rodgers passing abilities but then sprinkles some wizardy fairy dust crap on top of that and ruins lives. With the game on the line, he will keep the play alive and put himself in the right spot and give your team a chance to win every single time. Russell Wilson is the best player on the best team in the NFL and he’s my 2016 MVP as well.

And if you don’t think it absolutely killed me to write those last two rankings, then you have forgotten that I’m a Vikings fan.

This is what it’s like to be a Vikings fan today and every other God forsaken day in this horrible sports universe…

Spoiler: it sucks.

medium.com

If you enjoyed this, please recommend it by clicking the ❤ so others can enjoy it too. Follow Brandon on Medium or @wheatonbrando for more sports, humor, pop culture, and life musings. Visit the rest of Brandon’s writing archives here.