The Ugly Truth About This New Dating Trend Called ‘Roaching’
And some clear signs to see if you’re being roached.
Online dating can be messy. You could put so much effort only to get disappointed over and over again.
Do you know that one guy you’ve been waiting for but never comes back after the first date? Yes, he’s ghosting you, and no, it doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough for him.
People do it all the time on dating apps, and you should expect regular disappointment if you try to find your soulmate online. That’s just the way it is.
But it doesn’t always mean online dating is the worst idea possible. It can work — if you know how to play it right.
Those who naively jump into the pool and refuse to believe that there are more bad people than the good ones are only going to disappoint themselves even more.
So what’s the new online dating trend we have today? Let’s dive in.
Getting to know what “roaching” means
I know. I feel grossed out, too, just to hear the word. Wait until you know the real meaning of it in dating.
According to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking in InStyle
“Roaching is a dating term coined that refers to someone that is sleeping around with many. The term comes from the ickiness of seeing one of these nasty little bugs but knowing when you turn the lights on. There are lots of them,”
Which also means you’re never their priority.
They’ll never dedicate their time and energy solely to you due to the many options they have in hand. And it’s for sure that they don’t see a future with you.
Clear signs you’ve been “roached”
1. Your whole relationship’s focus is sexual needs
It’s different from the one-night stand kind of thing because you know you’ll see them again the next week.
While you’re sure it’s more than just a hook-up, it’s not also even close to a casual relationship.
In their defense, you enjoy each other company, and that’s all that matters.
A label doesn’t mean anything to them because all they want is sex (and maybe some company so they won’t have to eat dinner alone). These are the kind of people who never feel comfortable being alone.
But moreover, your whole “relationship” revolves around how good the sex is. They can talk about it with you for hours and hours but nothing else.
2. They act shady around you
From hiding their phone too much, picking up the call outside the room, or getting panicked whenever there’s a text coming in.
You can feel that they aren’t 100% present with you. They always look anxious, and by the time you finish having sex with them, they’re so ready to go.
These signs aren’t hard to notice, but when you’re in love or find them really, really cute, your feelings can cloud your judgment.
So take a second look at how things really are. If you think something feels off, it probably is.
3. They treat you like a backup plan.
Hoffman in New York Post explains that,
“Roaching red flags include new partners taking a long time to respond to texts, changing plans at the last minute, and not picking up if you call them out of the blue.”
In other words, you can never rely on them.
You’ll also see a pattern of them canceling their plans with you and only coming whenever they need something from you.
The tricky thing is when they do come around, they can be the most charming person that’s hard to resist.
Narcissistics are good at this because they know well how to “make it up” to you and make everything alright again.
They never disclose their preference for dating.
When asked what they want in terms of dating and relationships in general, they just never give you an exact answer.
One day you’ll hear the “I’m not ready” answer, and another day they’ll throw the most basic response, “It doesn’t matter what are we as long as I’m with you.”
And trust me, most women (and sometimes men too) with low self-esteem will find this to be reassuring, and they’re back in the rabbit hole of uncertainty all over again.
So if your date doesn’t seem to know what they want but keeps seeing you, don’t bother waiting until they “make up their mind.” Trust me, they already did.
They just don’t want to tell you the truth.
Ending Thoughts
With that being said, you should never tolerate someone who roaches you — no matter how boyfriend/girlfriend material they are.
Because the thing is, you can never stop people like this from the roaching behavior. If it makes you feel any better, they’re actually more insecure than they think they are.
And those who like to roach someone on dating apps most likely don’t want a relationship but instead seek validation externally to boost their confidence.
Of course, if confronted, they will never fully admit that they’re roaching you. So the best thing you can do? Just walk away.
There’s no more reason to stay with someone who treats you like an option. And believe me when I say there is still plenty of fish on the sea.
You never know that by letting this roacher go, you can actually find a fish that’s actually giving a damn about what you want in a relationship.
Hi! Anggun here. I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.
