The Two Times You Need to Child Proof Your Home

Summary

The article discusses the importance of child-proofing a home not just for toddlers but also for adult children returning home, emphasizing the need for boundaries and personal space as children transition into adulthood.

Abstract

The article, addressed to a friend named Dana, highlights the two critical times when a home needs to be child-proofed: first, when children are babies learning to crawl, and second, when they become adult children considering moving back home. It recounts the story of Dana's son, Luke, who is about to graduate college and plans to move back in with his mother along with his girlfriend. The author and Dana's friends express concern over this arrangement, suggesting that Dana needs to establish boundaries to prevent enabling Luke's dependency and to maintain her own well-being. They propose a "second child proofing" to help Dana navigate this new phase, which includes reprogramming garage door codes and redecorating Luke's old room into a home office. The friends offer support but also caution that they will say "I told you so" if Dana ignores their advice.

Opinions

The author believes that child-proofing is necessary not only for young children but also for adult children to ensure parental boundaries and personal space.
There is a concern that Dana's son, Luke, and his girlfriend might take advantage of Dana's hospitality and successful career by moving in and playing house.
The friends collectively agree that Dana should not hire another nanny to chaperone her adult son and his girlfriend.
The friends are skeptical about Luke's girlfriend, hinting at potential cultural clashes and life goals that may not align with Dana's or Luke's

First when they’re babies just learning how to scoot and crawl around

I’m writing this as I’m thinking of a friend of mine, so Dana, this is for you. And it’s also for anyone else thinking of making the same mistake she’s about to make …Oh yeah, I need to tag Lena Ann. Warning: Put that beverage down.

Oh Dana, we all remember how cute and adorable little baby Luke was. Your old phone had so many pics of him and you proudly whipped them out at our monthly Sorority meetings and we oooh’d and awww’d right along with you. I mean seriously Dana, he was a totally adorable little guy and we weren’t at all surprised because you and Charlie are quite the lookers, too.

Gosh, we barely turned around and he was a curious toddler motor scooting all over the place. Remember how we advised you about how to thoroughly child proof your abode in order to protect him from her own precociousness? I remember because the creeper stage had snuck up on you as you were very busy establishing yourself in a law firm. I think that’s when you hired your first nanny, right? And Charlie child-proofed AND bullet-proofed the house. Um, what was he thinking?

Then you got very busy. You came to our meetings sporadically after that but we understood. Hey, we were proud of you and supportive of those long hours you had to work to become successful. Some of the girls even thought they might hire you someday. Ya know for wills, trusts, perhaps divorces and those nasty homeowners who ignore their HOA’s. Oh well, moving on.

Before we knew it he was in middle school and steadily on the honor roll and making tons of new friends while you and Charlie fell apart. I know the divorce was especially hard on Luke because in your absence he and Charlie bonded, but we were behind you 100% through that whole difficult mess. Note: the general consensus was he was never good enough for you anyway and never mind that he told you we were optional in your life. Well Humph. “Let the door hit ya in the ass, Charlie.”

Now look at where you are? OMG, how time has flown! He’ll be graduating college down in Texas in a few months while you’re back in the fold with us and it’s been wonderful getting all caught up! But wait, what was that?

Luke wants to come back here and live with you after he graduates? Oh, and he wants his girlfriend to move in too, so they can chill and ‘play house’ while you work 60 hours a week?… Oh no no no no, girlfriend! Did you miss seeing ‘Failure to Launch?’ Well, of course you did. What successful attorney has time for movies?

Yeah it was kind of funny when you said you’re considering hiring another nanny so she can chaperone them, but did you really notice our faces cause our eyes weren’t smiling… Come on now Dana, time to get real.

After you left, we voted… Hey, scream at Carolyn! It was her idea. Anyway we all decided it’s time to introduce you to ‘the second child proofing.’

I know, it sounds ridiculous but hear me out. You told us Luke plans to apply to law schools over the Summer and hasn’t this always been your dream come true? He’s setting himself up to launch but have you even met his girlfriend? I heard you haven’t and I heard she’s an art major. So…as Shawn said, ‘She may be one of those artsy, fartsy girls with purple and orange hair, even though that’s passe,’ while she dreams of becoming another Caroline Larsen while Luke the future lawyer and his mom support her and let’s not forget that old ploy of getting pg.”

So Dana, it’s time you had an ‘ah ha moment.’

Look, we brainstormed on how to help you child proof for this new stage in your life after we got an unanimous vote, by the way. Iretta knows a good locksmith and he’ll even reprogram your garage doors’ codes so Luke’s opener will be useless. Remember Ira’s awful divorce? I never knew a man could actually foam at the mouth like that! (Scary)

And in the meantime Kelly has offered to apply her design talents to his old room. She says it’s past time you turned his old room into a new home office and she’s already got paint swatches for you to look at. Remember, sweetie, lavender’s your fav color…JUST TRY TO PICTURE IT, DANA.

Of course the decision is ultimately up to you and as always. We’ll support you no matter what you do, but you know us. We will stand by with our ‘I told you sos’ on the tips of our tongues if you don’t at least consider this advice. And we will rub it in like salt. on. a. wound IF time proves we were RIGHT…Just sayin’, dear, because we all love you! 💝

Thank you for your time and thoughtful writing everyone.