FOR THE PROMPT: MARCH MADNESS

The Two Of Them Are So Alike — Utter Madness!

Our husbands could’ve been brothers, but fewer similarities would’ve been better

Somewhere towards the end of 2004, I joined a weight loss club and went to weekly meetings to get on the scale. I created an online profile (not related to the club) to keep track of the weight I have lost.

The website allowed you to keep a diary, and something I wrote there prompted Tricia to contact me. There was an instant click, part of it because we followed the same diet and she went to meetings in a town next to ours.

Two months after our first contact — in December 2004 — we met in person, and now, 18+ years later, we’re still friends.

During those years, we frequently visited each other, enjoyed spa days together, or went out for lunch. She visited on birthdays, not only my own but that of my husband and even my grandsons. Those two boys know her as Granny Tricia.

Frequently when she visited us, her husband joined her. Our better halves instantly hit it off. Not that they became friends the way she and I had, but they enjoy each other’s company and both have the same humor.

The same humor, and the same outlook on life.

Oh, so many times Tricia or I would tell a story about our partners, and the other would say: “That’s exactly what my husband would do/say.”

We always found it remarkable they seem to be carbon copies of each other, and both of them were born in March, one year and two weeks apart.

Suffering a stroke

I have written before about my husband having a stroke two years ago — the day after his 56th birthday in March 2021.

This year on the 9th of January, Tricia’s husband suffered a stroke.

Where my husband was briefly — about two hours — paralyzed on the right, her husband had a stuttering stroke which left him paralyzed on the left, then able to do everything again, then paralyzed, not paralyzed, etc. This went on from the morning until about 2pm when he had the big one.

He’s in a rehabilitation center, learning to walk again — he can walk short distances with a walking aid in his right side and someone on his left. They keep his paralyzed right hand in a sling. In the past week, he got some movement back, but it’s minimal.

I said above, our husbands are so much the same, but for both of them to have strokes? Madness!

Never work again

Because of their strokes, our husbands will never work again.

My friend has already heard her husband will never walk without an aid again, and the chances he gets the full use of his arm is minimal.

If you look at my husband, you won’t say he’s still suffering from the consequences of the stroke. Appearances lie. He’s always tired, and when he does something — even only an hour on his computer — he has no energy for the rest of the day. He can’t concentrate, and where he still reads his morning paper — The Financial Times — he takes four times as long as before the stroke, and he forgets a lot he has read.

Also, his speech is affected, and it shows especially when he is tired. Then he talks like he has wool in his mouth, or he forgets simple words.

Over here in The Netherlands, when you have been on sick leave for two years, your employer can end your contract, and the state benefit (much less than the salary you once earned) will kick in. My husband will be out of a job any day now, and in two years, the same will happen to Tricia’s husband.

She and I have frequently talked about cutting down on our hours, and working a day less, but that will not happen anymore. We will have to stick it out until our pension time comes around — 12 years for me, and 14 for her.

Pure madness!

Underlying ailments

To make this story even weirder — when these two men had strokes, in both of them, doctors found underlying ailments.

While my husband was in hospital directly after the stroke, the doctors discover enlarged lymph nodes in his neck, and two months later he received the diagnosis: metastasized thyroid cancer.

During his stay in the hospital, doctors discovered my friend’s husband has a heart condition, which they can only properly treat after his rehabilitation, as that takes absolute preference. He’s on five different medications and is properly monitored.

Both my husband’s cancer and the heart condition of Tricia’s husband have the possibility of ending their lives quicker than any of us want.

Utter madness!

There’s always a silver lining

Back when Tricia and I became friends, she said something I always remembered: People come into your life for a reason, and once they have served their purpose, they disappear, and that’s okay.

It was something I believed too and still do.

It seems Tricia and I have not served our purpose in each other’s life yet. Maybe we never will. Maybe we will always be there to support each other throughout our ordeals.

Where my husband doesn’t need much hands-on care, her husband does. She has just had him home for a weekend, and it was hard. Confronting.

My husband can stay home alone for a full day. Chances are her husband might never be able to do so, and she will have to hire specialized care while she’s at work. Or maybe stop working altogether to take care of him full-time once he’s discharged from the rehabilitation center.

I’ve had hard days in the past two years, and I know Tricia will also go through hard days. Days where you wonder: is this my life now?

We both love our husbands to bits, and we don’t want to lose them, but we can remind each other that it’s okay to take time off for yourself. It’s okay to go out and not be a carer, but to replenish your own resources. We lean on each other, encourage each other, cry together, and laugh at some things (almost childish) our husbands do. We understand.

Everything in life happens for a reason, and the silver lining in all of this madness is Tricia and I being friends, and able to support each other in any way we need.

There’s no madness in that!

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