The Truth or Not The Truth, That is The Question: Ciaran’s Response
Welcome to Da Hard Truth, Meu amigo. This is the publication hosted by Teri Nickels and me, where we give our male and female perspectives on modern dating.
How it works
- You send us a burning and pressing question, either as a comment or via email to [email protected]
- I write and post a blog with my masculine opinion on the topic
- Teri writes and publishes a blog with her feminine opinion on it
- We collaborate on a joint post where we debate our opinions to get to the bottom of the issue
This week’s question came from MJ, who said:
I just had a convo with a family member (man), and he believes that lying or not disclosing the truth or “full truth” to his wife is the way to go.
His opinion is that the truth would destroy bonds and ruin trust. But in my head, I would rather know from him being honest than from finding out by other means.
However, I can understand the argument that he made.
Read Teri’s reply here
My opinion: I’m honestly torn
So the thing is this: if you read my articles, you’ll see that I side with the “Tell the hard truth even if people don’t like it” team, so from my perspective, I’d say he should always tell the truth.
However, the fact is that most people aren’t like that. You haven’t asked whether a man should look for women with whom he can be fully open; you’ve asked if he should be fully open with the woman he already has.
This implies he’s with an average everyday woman who’s likely to have the views, opinions, and reflexive reactions to brutal honesty that most will.
And you know what? Being brutally honest with the average woman isn’t going to end well. Hell, being honest with the average man probably isn’t going to either:
Tell a woman who’s putting on weight that you’re no longer sexually attracted to her, and apparently, that makes you a terrible person.
Even though she logically knows that if she looked the way she does now when you first met, then you wouldn’t have been into her.
Tell a man he’s terrible in bed or that his dick is too tiny to feel when he’s inside you, and he’ll flip out like you’re worse than Hitler & Mussolini combined.
He could try and improve his sexual technique or find other ways to pleasure you that don’t involve his penis, but he probably won’t. He’ll make you the problem.
The truth is that the reason most of us are scared to be honest with people, is because we know most people can’t handle the truth.
So, if we have a random man or woman in a relationship with a random man or woman, I don’t necessarily think they should be brutally honest.
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I think being honest with the average person on the street is like telling a Muslim you think Islam’s a joke. You’re threatening the worldview they hold dearly to their chest, and they’ll want to destroy you for it.
Now, of course, you might argue that it’s best to be honest at all times, regardless of what people think, and I do agree with that logic.
However, I also know that some people just aren’t ready to hear certain things, and if you’re going to smash the veils of illusion in which they shroud themselves, you should be prepared for severe blowback.
So essentially, I’m saying that he can be honest if he wants, but it will probably spell the end of his relationship, which may or may not be a good thing. I guess it depends on a case-by-case basis.
Now, another question is, SHOULD you find partners with whom you can be 1000% honest? And my answer is a resounding hell yes.
A relationship where both parties feel comfortable expressing themselves is one of mutual growth and no lingering resentments.
But then this beggars the question of how on earth one can meet someone they can be honest with. And my answer is to spend time in personal development circles.
People who are deeply involved in bettering themselves are used to looking deep in the mirror and confronting hard truths.
But that’s just my two cents.
Ciao, tchau, sayonara, and stay tuned for my debate with Teri, which will come soon.
Excelsior!