The Truth of the Matter

Reflections on Relationships and the Tango

If you have been in a long- term relationship, you know at times you may feel like you are riding on a roller coaster with all the many ups and downs.

Adding another person to your life creates a whole new dimension. There are times you feel you love this person so much, how could you love another more. And there are times when you wonder wouldn’t it be easier to just be alone.

Sometimes you may question, is it worth it all? Would I be better off single, not accountable to anyone and do exactly as I please. Somedays the answer is “yes.”

The ups and downs can be exhilarating but exhausting. If fact, you can feel as if you are slapped upside down the head, seemingly out of nowhere!

Not only is your mental health and emotions affected, but your entire physical body, including and not limited to lack of sleep, poor appetite and brain fog. Is all this pain worth it?

How can two people pierce the very soul of each other’s heart and still recover? The anger, the sadness, the fears that must be expressed as difficult as that may be must be done if both of you are to survive as a couple.

There may be rivers of tears, angry outbursts with threats to abandon and move out. Trust might be hanging on a thread.

But at the end of the day if you are lucky and willing to put in the work, love will prevail. You want to stay and work through it to reach the other side of deepening love and understanding to face whatever might come your way together.

What would my life look like without you? Yes, I would survive. I often believe I have a strong male side to my personality. I am independent. I can navigate the world on my own, albeit don’t ask me to put many things together or fix much!

But, I would 100% rather live my life with you than without. I have learned how to speak more freely and set boundaries for myself. This has been in no way easy as it is not my nature.

We are different in many ways. We are also the same. We are both certified life coaches and have a similar perspective. We have heart, and care about others. We give each other space to breathe as individuals, yet we come together beautifully. We can choose to be who we are and be totally accepted.

You let me be “me” and I do the same for you. There is a certain kind of freedom and healthy respect. I wouldn’t have this any other way.

I have blamed myself as I have the tendency to do and I have also blamed you. We need a refresh, time to take a different look at our relationship and see what adjustments we can make to enrich our lives together.

Ideas have come to me without thinking too much. For this I am eternally grateful.

Still..I am a bit anxious to return home. We have accomplished alot being apart for the week. I will go slow and take what comes step by step.

I have been away from home for 4 nights, attending an Argentine Tango festival in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I’ve attended this festival for the past three years, dancing day and night, attending classes and spending a lot of time thinking about us.

I have connected to other tango dancers who are coming together in support and harmony from over the world and all walks of life. I have been in a mutually supportive cacoon. It’s as if we all take a collective breath on the dance floor, a break from all the chaos and uncertainties of the world. It has been a gift to me at this time to allow for clarity about my life and relationship.

I have been immersed in this lifelong passion for over ten years. This tango addiction has often been compared to life. If I am not grounded to the floor, in the present moment and fully listening to my partner, I cannot sense where he is leading me to take my next step. My dance then falls apart and I must regroup and revaluate rather quickly. My eyes are usually closed as the music and the dance take me away.

As luck would have it, I have a close friend I am staying with after the festival. We have had an additional few days to have adventurous girl time and explore places in New Mexico such as Santa Fe, Taos, Madrid and most special of all, Oji Caliente.

It is here that I give myself the gift of time, reflection and relaxation in the nine mineral pools. I hike on the dusty trail watching the golden leaves fall. I let my mind wander as it will and feel at peace among the cottonwood trees.

In conclusion, I feel so lucky and fortunate to live the life I do. I am returning home, ready for deeper discussions with my partner and hopefully to rekindle our relationship.

Thank you to Diana C. for her November prompt. I chose the topic “What’s it like to love in the face of pain.

Here are a few images of my time at Oji Caliente.