The Truth Doesn’t Have to Hurt

Looks like open communication, à la C.J. Cregg, might become a regular thing around the West Wing

Truth has been difficult to find during the past four years. Especially in the White House. Particularly in the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room. I keep hoping for C.J. Cregg, and all I get is Mandy Hampton — the media consultant on “The West Wing” who was such a God-awful character that she was dumped after the first season, and then after only occasional appearances.

We suffered when a White House Press Secretary — the old-school title for a spokesperson — lied about inauguration crowd size. Remember Sean Spicer’s buffoonery the first time he took the podium in the Briefing Room? Something about the inauguration of his boss, Mango Mussolini. Something about the crowd on the National Mall being “the largest audience ever to witness an inauguration, period, both in person and around the globe”.

Turns out he was wrong. Or flat-out lying. Take your pick. Poor guy only lasted six months. Every time he took questions from reporters I almost felt sorry for him. Totally cringe-worthy.

Then we saw the daughter of the former Arkansas Governor, who took a two-year turn at the podium following “Spicy,” as Saturday Night Live crowned him. Um, can you say “nasty as a razorback sent out to pasture with no one to root around with but the corn cobs in the field”? Yeah, I think that’s meaner than your proverbial snake. And she worked deftly as a non-factual facilitator for the Liar-in-Chief.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders — I call her Sarah Huckabilly, or just Ms. Huckabilly, for short — sneered her way through two years of lies, applied about as well as her eyeliner. This born-again excuse for a spokesperson excelled at manipulating misinformation, something I’m sure Agent Orange certainly appreciated. She’s back in the “Wonder State” (I know, I also wondered about that nickname) now, contemplating a run for governor her own self. Which she’s totally qualified for, if talking out of the side of one’s mouth (literally and metaphorically — sorry, Yuck List) and smiling out of context are prerequisites for the job.

Sanders made headlines for having her feelings hurt at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Comedian Michelle Wolf roasted her for her so-called “smokey eyes” — rhymes with lies. Get it? She also got bent out of shape when she and her dining companions were thrown out of a “farm-to-table” restaurant in rural Virginia for defending the Orange Oaf’s cruel and inhumane policies. The Red Hen Restaurant, where this incident took place, closed for a bit but is back up and running now and apparently doing well. Sounds like more Americans like presidents who treat human beings with civility than smoky-eyed hucksters who lie for a living. I call this the Chickens Coming Home to Roost Syndrome.

Sanders, I’m told, tried to mend fences with the press — i.e., make up for telling what some reporters still call “falsehoods” for some reason — by baking some of the scribes pies. Yes, you heard me correctly — Ms. Huckabilly is a hella good pie maker/baker. But by 2019, she had gone the way of Spicy. Turns out pies won’t erase the bad, bad, bad taste of all the lies, lies, lies.

If I appear to be a little judgey, I’d say you’re correct about that one. Even though I’ve never worked in the White House, I’ve been a press secretary for several politicians. And speaking to the press is the same in any D.C. spokesperson’s position. Reporters are looking for information. They expect you to put things in a positive light from time-to-time. But if you are straight-up with them and stick to facts, you’ll have a much easier time than those who tried to part the public relations waters for the former occupant of the White House.

I’ve talked to the Roanoke (Virginia) Times about coal miners and black lung disease benefits. I’ve filled in reporters from the (Portland) Oregonian about fish hatcheries and my congressman’s thoughts on running for the U.S. Senate from his state. I’ve represented the interests of two Texas governors —a Republican and a Democrat (I know, right? I’m a bipartisan spokesperson!) — in D.C., and was able to speak with some authority to the federal interests involved in most of the Lone Star State’s 254 counties. And I did a stint in the PR shop of what is known in Washington as a trade association — those are the organizations that represent all manner of special interests, from cable TV to medical groups. In swampy D.C. parlance, trade associations are a euphemism for “lobbyists”. No, I didn’t lobby — I just spoke for those who did. Once upon a time.

But enough about Rumpy’s press flacks and my qualifications to criticize them. Except they make such good — and twisted — copy. Stephanie Grisham, who didn’t hold any press briefings for the 10 months she took a turn in the position — perhaps because she was afraid of lying? Who knows — that was just an educated guess. Or Kayleigh McEnany — often called “Kay-Lie” (guess why?), who rounded out Orange Foolius’ time at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. I prefer calling her Mary Late Olsen. I coined that for a simple, sorta sexist reason. She’s a boofed-up blonde — what is it with the tRump women and all the hair? — and is well-known for coming late to the party. McEnany’s lies are always trying to play catch-up to what’s actually going on at any given moment. Oh, and she actually carries around a Binder Full o’ Lies. That’s speculation, of course, but girlfriend really doesn’t know how to tell the truth.

After all of that, I was really looking forward to what Jen Psaki would dish out yesterday. She started her briefing at 7 p.m. — on Inauguration Day, no less. Probably to show that President Biden and his administration are committed to — dare I say? — transparency and telling the gosh-darn truth. And I have to say I was not just pleasantly surprised. More like shocked and a little bit in awe.

Ms. Psaki talked about the “power of truth.” She elaborated on President Biden and the White House reporters’ “common goal, which is sharing information with the American people.” She even pledged to “share the truth, even when it’s hard to hear.”

Moker, my Hubby who worked as a Capitol Hill, Supreme Court and White House reporter over the years, was incredibly impressed with the new White House Press Secretary.

“In 10 minutes,” he said toward the top of the televised briefing, “she has demonstrated a far greater understanding of the issues and how to communicate with the press and the American people than all of those (expletive deleted — rhymes with “truckers”) in the previous administration did in four years of that clown show.”

But Ms. Psaki wasn’t done. She admitted that the “best way to combat disinformation is by telling the truth.” And then did an admirable job answering questions on a broad range of topics. She injected humor into some of her answers, and promised to show up every weekday — but probably not at 7 p.m. — to brief the press corps.

She did use a form of the word “impact” as a verb — twice. I’ll have to get her a copy of The Yuck List, pronto.

Did I mention that I was impressed? Mightily. All I can say is, Welcome back, C.J. Cregg.