The Truth About Confronting A Backstabber
The why and how of this effective method of dealing with the treacherous scoundrel
Confronting a backstabber seems like a reasonable enough response. It’s like taking care of a leak. Naturally, you plug the hole. Tackling a problem by going to the root has always come highly recommended.
Properly handled confrontations will result in one or more of the following scenarios:
- It may become evident the culprits are unaware of the negative impact of their actions because they are focused only on themselves;
- You can find some erroneously believe that making others look bad is part of the game, and is just a way to get ahead;
- The confrontation will let them know that you are aware of what they are up to and you won’t stand for it in which case, some will desist; and
- This move reveals an obstinate kind behind the treachery who will stand their ground or escalate their attacks.
Will confrontation solve the problem?
Confrontation can solve the problem with the first three but with the last group, it will achieve something else. They won’t change their behavior no matter how well you treat them and it’s best to always know where you stand such people, so now it’s out in the open.
Another school of thought always favors the non-confrontational approach when dealing with backstabbers for fear of what other underhanded tactics they may resort to as a result of the confrontation. So they feel it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie. Yet again, others still will reluctantly resort to confrontation only as an absolute last resort.
The steps you need to take
First, you Need To Stay Calm
“If you speak when angry, you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” -Groucho Marx
That time when your whole body is tense, your breathing is fasters and your heart is racing is not the time to respond. You are liable to make some rash decisions and act too hastily. This is the time to take a step back and give yourself time and space to calm down because a lot of brainpower will be needed for the next steps you take.
Quickly make a full assessment of the damage done
Though building a good reputation is one of your best protection against this treacherous lot it’s still possible some people will buy into backstabbers’ (mis)representations. This could jeopardize your existing relationships or any chance of one with those that buy-in or anyone else they may have relayed the impressions to.
Assess their capabilities in light of their proclivities
“Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories.” -Sun Tzu
As said earlier confrontations can solve your problem with some types of backstabbers but not all. With the obstinate, it will merely hasten the stage open hostilities which, is a stage you will reach eventually anyway. You see, backstabbers are a cowardly bunch but eventually when they feel they have turned enough people against you, they get emboldened enough to bring it out into the open.
However, your assessment will determine your approach based on your understanding of their motivations, tactics, and any power they may be able to wield over you.
“Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They’re only powerful when you got your back turned.” -Eminem
Prioritize your actions
For instance, if the negative impressions they have created about you has the potential to jeopardize existing or future relations then your energy is better spent first in correcting any false impressions or misrepresentations.
“You see backstabbers are a cowardly bunch but eventually when they feel they have turned enough people against you, they get emboldened enough to bring it out into the open.”
The showdown
“The Only way to deal with backstabbers is to confront them with proof show them their evil face while remaining calm and firm. Finally, once the truth is revealed keep your distance and remain cautious.” — Sumera Rizwan
The face-to-face should by no means be an angry confrontation because, as you remember, your first step was to take a pause and regain your calm. Rash actions can backfire big time even if you are originally the victim.
You need to also be specific about the issues you are having. Mention the exact incidents you are confronting them about with as many details as you can. This is the best way to resolve the issues otherwise, there is no point in the confrontation.
It is very important at this stage that you deal in facts, not suppositions. This presupposes that you took the time before now to get detailed information on the incidences of betrayals. That you verified the information from people you know are as good as their words, not weasels who you may want to put you and an ally at odds for their own purposes.
Also important to remember is that it is always a good idea to give them the opportunity to explain themselves. Some relationships are worth saving.
Conclusion
In the end, if you see the two of you have not resolved the issue, then you will have to escalate the issue. If it is a workplace situation, alert the appropriate authority. In a private setting, you should still escalate to a third party with influence or power over the backstabber. A resolution should be a major aim of the confrontation.
