The Trouble With Hats
The beginning and end of the relationship
Colleen remembered the very first Valentine’s Day she spent with Raoul. She had no idea what he would get her for Valentine’s Day. She got him a CD of jazz music.
It turned out that Raoul bought her a hat. A wide-brimmed straw hat with a pink ribbon around it. Colleen had no idea how to react. She had never received a hat before as a present. She did not even own any hats. She had practiced how to react if she had gotten jewelry. She was ready to smell some flowers. She was ready to hear a poem he had written for her. She was ready for a night out on the town. She was ready to be thoroughly surprised.
And surprised she was. A hat was the very last thing she anticipated as a Valentine’s gift. Who the hell gives their lover a hat for their very first Valentine’s Day together? And where is the fucking chocolate?!
But she put the hat on her head and she felt special. Raoul took about 50 photos with his cellphone of her wearing the freaking hat. That night she ended up on his bed wearing nothing but the straw hat. She had to admit that it was a night to remember.
Twenty-three Valentine’s Days later (twenty-two as husband and wife), Raoul came home from an executive meeting carrying a sizable box — about the size of a hat box. Colleen had on an apron that read, ‘Best Wife Ever,’ and she was cooking spaghetti with cut up hot dogs in it.
Like a desert wind, Raoul swept into the kitchen and kung-fued a kiss on Colleen’s lips and then presenting her with the box.
It was like the air had been let out of her tires when she looked at the box. Surely not another hat! she thought.
Before opening her present Colleen handed Raoul his present. It was in a much smaller box. She immediately regretted buying the gift for Raoul as soon as she handed him the little box.
He refused to open his present until she first opened hers.
She let out a sigh. What on earth kind of hat will this be? she thought. She already had 23 different kinds of hats. How many fucking kinds of hats are there?
Colleen opened the box. Inside was an official Stetson cowboy hat. Believe it or not, it was the only kind of hat she did not already own thanks to Raoul.
She did not, at first, take it out of the box. She did not try it on. She stared at it a long time then slowly she finally pulled it out of the box, held it in her hands for a moment then threw it back in the box. Looking hard into Raoul’s eyes, she said, “Raoul, I want a divorce.”
“What?” Raoul was shaken. “Did I get the wrong kind of hat? Oh darling, I am so sorry. I will gladly take this back and get a different kind of hat. I will do whatever it takes.”
“Really? Whatever it takes for what?”
Raoul was speechless.
“I am not a doll you can dress up with hats.”
Raoul’s eyes widened, “My darling, of course you’re not. I only give you hats because… because… because…”
“Why, Raoul?”
“Because… because… because…”
Colleen left. She walked out.
Raoul stood there crying and wondering what he did wrong.
Copyright by White Feather. All Rights Reserved. This is a work of fiction. Writings of White Feather
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